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Original poster

People who ask for advice and then take the piss, what do you do?

33 replies

littleripper · 02/07/2023 15:59

DB and SIL are the worst culprits but they are not the only ones!

DH and I are a bit odd and live a bit of an odd lifestyle, which makes us very happy. COL has hit quite a few people we know very hard and they have been asking for advice, which I am extremely reluctant to give. When pressed hard, I have said "well this is what we do, it wouldn't work for everyone"

So none of the things we do work for them - no surprises there and no problem - we know we are a bit weird. But now, whenever we see them they take the piss constantly. I pointed out how rude it was and they have just carried on - in front of people I do not want knowing any details of my life.

Why the fuck are they doing this? Anyone got any ideas of what they are gaining?

OP posts:
peucepetunias · 02/07/2023 16:02

Stop engaging with them and stop giving advice. Simple.

Paperbagsaremine · 02/07/2023 16:03

I guess you now know not to let them have any details of your life.
You told them it was dick behaviour and they carried on doing it ? On them. They don't get favours from you any more then.

All you can do tbh. If it was easy to stop people being dicks then AIBU would be tumbleweed!

Original poster
littleripper · 02/07/2023 16:04

I wondered if anyone had an insight into why they'd do this? I can't see any benefit whatsoever

OP posts:
frozendaisy · 02/07/2023 16:08

To make themselves feel superior, to others, to you, to themselves.

Paperbagsaremine · 02/07/2023 16:10

It's the sort of thing 8 year olds do when they're not able to get attention via positive means.
Were they deprived of attention for good behaviour as kids? Do they hang around with a "mean girls" type crowd who are bad influences?

I guess the people they discuss you with don't say,
"Why are you being so horrible about them? What is your problem?"
They might think it though (fwiw). If not then they're a bit crap too.

But ultimately it is not for you to fix them so that's why we're saying, sure you might wonder why they're being dicks, but ultimately your main recourse is to steer clear in future.

thaegumathteth · 02/07/2023 16:17

Why do you spend so much time with them? They're treating you badly. Be civil but I wouldn't be making any effort for them. Know your worth.

Original poster
littleripper · 02/07/2023 16:19

I don't spend much time with them and am very happy and sure of my worth

I am just perplexed by them being so weird

It's all odd little high pitched laughs abs head tilts to show concern about us

Weird

OP posts:
MaggieBsBoat · 02/07/2023 16:20

Then making fun of others‘ lifestyles just come from a place of insecurity and they are plain rude.
and they will suffer as you were trying to help, you no longer will and their situation will get worse. Hold your head high.

timegoingtooquickly · 02/07/2023 16:22

Stop engaging with them.

But in all seriousness I'd be interested to hear some useful tips!

daisychain01 · 02/07/2023 16:25

I don't know them so haven't got a clue why their attitude to you is unhelpful.

They could be jealous you have your act together
They could be stressed due to lack of money due to COL
They could just be mean and enjoy being crabby with you
They could have low self esteem.

Why do you need to give so much headspace to people who are so unpleasant to you. Give them a wide swerve until they decide to be civilised towards you.

thaegumathteth · 02/07/2023 16:29

littleripper · 02/07/2023 16:19

I don't spend much time with them and am very happy and sure of my worth

I am just perplexed by them being so weird

It's all odd little high pitched laughs abs head tilts to show concern about us

Weird

Well if you don't see them much then just forget about it 🤷🏻‍♀️ you can tell them every time they're being rude if you want but tbh I'd just pity them going on like eejits.

It doesn't really matter why they're doing it after all.

notsofamous · 02/07/2023 16:49

What do you do that they think is so weird, can you give a few examples?

TheYearOfSmallThings · 02/07/2023 16:53

Yeah, I want to hear about the weird tips too.

Using a teabag six times? Dumpster diving? Sharing bathwater and then filtering it for reuse?

ThatFraggle · 02/07/2023 16:54

notsofamous · 02/07/2023 16:49

What do you do that they think is so weird, can you give a few examples?

Without examples the thread is useless.

There's that thread where op says instead of toilet paper, her whole family use rags which they then put in the wash. 5 people sharing bath water that sort of thing.

I wouldn't make fun but I would think it is grim.

notsofamous · 02/07/2023 16:56

ThatFraggle · 02/07/2023 16:54

Without examples the thread is useless.

There's that thread where op says instead of toilet paper, her whole family use rags which they then put in the wash. 5 people sharing bath water that sort of thing.

I wouldn't make fun but I would think it is grim.

Show quote history

It is indeed. It’s impossible to know why they (rudely) snigger. Plus money saving tips are always good to hear!

Dacadactyl · 02/07/2023 16:56

Depends entirely on what you do that's so odd tbh. And also the nature of the pisstaking. I'd let it slide if it's just bit of good natured ribbing about your odd habits tbh.

Damnyouautocorrect1 · 02/07/2023 16:56

I use bathwaterfor mopping the floor, watering plants etc. I’ve reduced my bill from over £120pm to under £40. Take the piss all you like but I’m laughing all the way to the bank

notsofamous · 02/07/2023 16:58

Damnyouautocorrect1 · 02/07/2023 16:56

I use bathwaterfor mopping the floor, watering plants etc. I’ve reduced my bill from over £120pm to under £40. Take the piss all you like but I’m laughing all the way to the bank

I do online banking so no time to laugh really.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 02/07/2023 16:59

I’ve reduced my bill from over £120pm to under £40

Your water bill was £120pm? Shock

notsofamous · 02/07/2023 17:00

@Damnyouautocorrect1 I have heard of people putting a bucket in the shower to keep the cold water that would go down the drain before the water is hot enough to take a shower!

notsofamous · 02/07/2023 17:01

But where I am there is no way the water would cost £120 pm, it sounds a lot..?

WGACA · 02/07/2023 17:02

Damnyouautocorrect1 · 02/07/2023 16:56

I use bathwaterfor mopping the floor, watering plants etc. I’ve reduced my bill from over £120pm to under £40. Take the piss all you like but I’m laughing all the way to the bank

What are you doing before that it was so high?!

OP I’m always interested in money saving tips and appreciate any advice if that helps.

Damnyouautocorrect1 · 02/07/2023 17:04

Long story involving a leak I reported during covid and was told it wasn’t a leak. However, we do 15 minutes washes mostly, reduce water usage by short showers and the measures already mentioned.

Original poster
littleripper · 02/07/2023 17:56

😂rags for loo toll 😂😂😂

No no no, it's basically differentiating between needs, loves, likes and wants then focusing on the first 2 and cutting the last 2 back when money is tight. Pretty standard stuff.

So we have a dedicated account and save 20% income for holidays in it as this is very important to us all. We never get a take away whilst we like them, we cannot justify the cost. On days out take a picnic and give DC an allocated budget (£5) and they can have a drink, an ice-cream, a souvenir whatever. Apparently this lack spontaneity and is boring.

We do our own cleaning, gardening, ironing, DH cuts all our wood, I keep chickens and we grow a lot of veg etc. Apparently this is weird and we are 'obsessed' with healthy eating and being slim (we are most definitely not).

We do not go to the gym and have never had a gym membership. Apparently this is a sign of us being very old fashioned and odd.

We only heat one room of the house except Nov - Feb when we heat the whole house. We have electric blankets, thermals etc and find this fine. Apparently this is some form of child abuse and no one wears a jumper indoors, it is actually hilarious to wear socks in the house.

I have a pretty good income now and we have dabbled in having the heating on more, going out more and it just does not improve our lives. We find what we do manages OUR budget, our weights and keeps us busy and happy. We enjoy the outdoor work we all do together. It is not for everyone but why ask and then mock?

They massively pressed for advice at Xmas and we have seen them 2x since, at DD's bday (when I bought everyone Champagne) and at Easter when I brought £40 of easter eggs for an egg hunt for all the DC so I am hardly Scrooge when we are together.

PP is right, insecurity and anxiety about their own behaviour

OP posts:
Original poster
littleripper · 02/07/2023 17:57

Re the over thinking - they upset DGGM (98) last time we were all together with this nonsense as it made all the teenagers super tense so I want to nip it in the bud before I see them in the summer

OP posts:
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