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Original poster

People who ask for advice and then take the piss, what do you do?

33 replies

littleripper · 02/07/2023 15:59

DB and SIL are the worst culprits but they are not the only ones!

DH and I are a bit odd and live a bit of an odd lifestyle, which makes us very happy. COL has hit quite a few people we know very hard and they have been asking for advice, which I am extremely reluctant to give. When pressed hard, I have said "well this is what we do, it wouldn't work for everyone"

So none of the things we do work for them - no surprises there and no problem - we know we are a bit weird. But now, whenever we see them they take the piss constantly. I pointed out how rude it was and they have just carried on - in front of people I do not want knowing any details of my life.

Why the fuck are they doing this? Anyone got any ideas of what they are gaining?

OP posts:
amiold · 02/07/2023 18:11

littleripper · 02/07/2023 17:56

😂rags for loo toll 😂😂😂

No no no, it's basically differentiating between needs, loves, likes and wants then focusing on the first 2 and cutting the last 2 back when money is tight. Pretty standard stuff.

So we have a dedicated account and save 20% income for holidays in it as this is very important to us all. We never get a take away whilst we like them, we cannot justify the cost. On days out take a picnic and give DC an allocated budget (£5) and they can have a drink, an ice-cream, a souvenir whatever. Apparently this lack spontaneity and is boring.

We do our own cleaning, gardening, ironing, DH cuts all our wood, I keep chickens and we grow a lot of veg etc. Apparently this is weird and we are 'obsessed' with healthy eating and being slim (we are most definitely not).

We do not go to the gym and have never had a gym membership. Apparently this is a sign of us being very old fashioned and odd.

We only heat one room of the house except Nov - Feb when we heat the whole house. We have electric blankets, thermals etc and find this fine. Apparently this is some form of child abuse and no one wears a jumper indoors, it is actually hilarious to wear socks in the house.

I have a pretty good income now and we have dabbled in having the heating on more, going out more and it just does not improve our lives. We find what we do manages OUR budget, our weights and keeps us busy and happy. We enjoy the outdoor work we all do together. It is not for everyone but why ask and then mock?

They massively pressed for advice at Xmas and we have seen them 2x since, at DD's bday (when I bought everyone Champagne) and at Easter when I brought £40 of easter eggs for an egg hunt for all the DC so I am hardly Scrooge when we are together.

PP is right, insecurity and anxiety about their own behaviour

I don't think any of this is weird. I think I might be verging on weird if that's the case although you are more disciplined than me

ThatFraggle · 02/07/2023 18:22

It sounds like they can see you're making sensible sacrifices. E.g holiday trumps takeaway. No cleaner and gym but x hobby.

They don't want to give up their creature comforts, so they mock you.

Your life sounds wonderful.

Lizzt2007 · 02/07/2023 18:33

Yeah they're not willing to compromise on what they see as necessities. As you say, your method is very sensible but in order to stick to it you do have to be quite disciplined and the majority of people don't have that. My partner lives very much like you, right down to the chickens and not heating the whole house, we don't live together because I'm not that disciplined 😂but I fully respect his choices. They wanted an easy fix, and they're angry with themselves because they know it's possible, you've shown them that, they just don't have the character for it and nobody likes admitting their weaknesses.

Original poster
littleripper · 02/07/2023 18:41

Lizzt2007 · 02/07/2023 18:33

Yeah they're not willing to compromise on what they see as necessities. As you say, your method is very sensible but in order to stick to it you do have to be quite disciplined and the majority of people don't have that. My partner lives very much like you, right down to the chickens and not heating the whole house, we don't live together because I'm not that disciplined 😂but I fully respect his choices. They wanted an easy fix, and they're angry with themselves because they know it's possible, you've shown them that, they just don't have the character for it and nobody likes admitting their weaknesses.

thanks, this sums it up for me. Much appreciated

OP posts:
Lacoeur · 02/07/2023 18:47

People who do this are insecure in themselves and will drag down others to elevate themselves. I had a situation years ago when we decorated our home, some family members took the absolute piss, to only have theirs looking like a carbon copy a few years later. Just disengage and carry on as you are.

Fifthtimelucky · 02/07/2023 19:16

I think you sound very sensible. You remind me of a friend of mine who years ago told me that she had stopped using not being able to afford something as an excuse for not doing it.

If she told friends who were trying to persuade her to do x that she couldn't afford it, they tried to convince her that she could. She realised that when she said she couldn't afford to do x what she actually meant was that she didn't want to spend her money on x because it wasn't a priority for her. She happily spent the same amount of money on y, because that was more important to her.

Most of us are in a position to be able to make choices about how we spend our money (I know for some people that is not a reality). We all have different priorities and it is great that you and your husband have worked out what yours are - and that you agree on them!

Incidentally, most of the choices you have made are how it used to be normal to live.

Original poster
littleripper · 02/07/2023 19:34

@Fifthtimelucky well yes, exactly! We moved from a bedsit - a garden flat - a terraced house - a semi - a tiny detached small holding and maintained a lifestyle by increasing our salary and keeping basic costs low. I use loads of really basic old fashioned recipes and tips to reduce costs and find it satisfying. I get that it annoys my DB to make to make a meal from scratch or eat eggs on toast again but why can't he accept I like it 😂

OP posts:
AutumnCrow · 02/07/2023 19:40

It's jealousy and seething resentment, as pp have said.

However the passive aggressive response from them is upsetting family members so I think you're going to have to tell them to pack it in. Just like that actually: 'Oi. Pack it in. It's getting really old now. Enough.' And then move on to a different topic of conversation.

Short and sharp. And keep saying 'enough!' and moving on.

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