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Original poster

What's the point?

26 replies

NotHelpful · 02/07/2023 08:55

So many threads, particularly on the Relationship board, where posters are asking for advice or some moral support but instead are met with:

Why did you marry such a twat?

I feel sorry for your DC.

You should have left ages ago and you're stupid not to have.

How are these comments in any way helpful or supportive?

I find it really sad that, in the whole 'be kind' era, people can be so incredibly nasty and judgemental. They must realise that they are sticking the boot in to someone who has openly admitted that they are vulnerable. What do people gain from doing that? A sense of superiority?

People really need to think about the real life effect their words can have before banging away on their keyboards.

OP posts:
Gateappreciation · 02/07/2023 08:58

I think the relationship thread is skewed to unhappy relationships. If you didn’t have a concern, you wouldn’t be posting!

Also, people feel it’s a safe space where they can air their thoughts and get opinions of others.

people also learn from these threads. I never knew of the emotional affair concept until mn. People see threads about these, then realise their husbands ‘platonic friendship’ may not be so innocent.

Gateappreciation · 02/07/2023 08:59

I agree that some of the replies aren’t supportive though.

LadyEloise1 · 02/07/2023 09:07

But you read threads and the partner is off the scale horrible to the OP or their personal hygiene is appalling and you do have to ask well I do. the OP what attracted them to their partner, were they always like that or did it develop slowly or just masked well initially.

Original poster
NotHelpful · 02/07/2023 09:15

Sometimes people he people ppsting aren't looking for opinions @Gateappreciation they're asking for advice about a specific situation and they're made to feel stupid, weak or like they are the problem.

OP posts:
Original poster
NotHelpful · 02/07/2023 09:17

LadyEloise1 · 02/07/2023 09:07

But you read threads and the partner is off the scale horrible to the OP or their personal hygiene is appalling and you do have to ask well I do. the OP what attracted them to their partner, were they always like that or did it develop slowly or just masked well initially.

Why does it matter what attracted the OP to their partner 10/20/30 years ago? Circumstances change.

OP posts:
Watchkeys · 02/07/2023 09:22

You can't just decide that 'people ought to do x, y or z' though. Everybody is different. Some people like to be told things straight. Home truths aren't always fun to hear. People take things out on other people. That's just humans. It's never going to be 'right' for anybody.

What were you hoping to achieve from the thread? What are you gaining by being critical of others' posts?

Original poster
NotHelpful · 02/07/2023 09:26

Watchkeys · 02/07/2023 09:22

You can't just decide that 'people ought to do x, y or z' though. Everybody is different. Some people like to be told things straight. Home truths aren't always fun to hear. People take things out on other people. That's just humans. It's never going to be 'right' for anybody.

What were you hoping to achieve from the thread? What are you gaining by being critical of others' posts?

What were you hoping to achieve from the thread? What are you gaining by being critical of others' posts?

An understanding of what drives people to respond the way they do.

OP posts:
Watchkeys · 02/07/2023 10:34

An understanding of what drives people to respond the way they do

Ego. Deduct points from others, and you're higher in the rankings yourself, without having to make any effort to improve yourself. You're doing it too:

People really need to think about the real life effect their words can have before banging away on their keyboards

You know better than they do, right?

Original poster
NotHelpful · 02/07/2023 10:44

Watchkeys · 02/07/2023 10:34

An understanding of what drives people to respond the way they do

Ego. Deduct points from others, and you're higher in the rankings yourself, without having to make any effort to improve yourself. You're doing it too:

People really need to think about the real life effect their words can have before banging away on their keyboards

You know better than they do, right?

Can you explain why you think that? Which part of what I wrote gives the impression that I am deducting points from others to make myself higher in the ranking?

OP posts:
Watchkeys · 02/07/2023 10:49

I've said already: you think you know better than them. So, they're not doing quite so well as you in the 'how to do life' stakes. I'm probably doing the same right now, it's not a crime, it's not unusual.

We're all driven by our egos. They could just read the posts and think 'Poor thing', but they have to make a goady comment. You could just read their posts and think 'That didn't sound very nice', but you made a comment that indicated that you would never stoop to do what they did, and that they should know better; like you do.

Original poster
NotHelpful · 02/07/2023 10:53

Watchkeys · 02/07/2023 10:49

I've said already: you think you know better than them. So, they're not doing quite so well as you in the 'how to do life' stakes. I'm probably doing the same right now, it's not a crime, it's not unusual.

We're all driven by our egos. They could just read the posts and think 'Poor thing', but they have to make a goady comment. You could just read their posts and think 'That didn't sound very nice', but you made a comment that indicated that you would never stoop to do what they did, and that they should know better; like you do.

We may all be driven by ego, but what I'm interested in is why some people decide to respond in a goady and provocative way and others show more empathy and compassion.

OP posts:
FiveShelties · 02/07/2023 10:53

Could you give us some examples of how you are posting helpful replies to posters?

Watchkeys · 02/07/2023 10:55

Why do you need to understand, @NotHelpful ? And if you simply want to understand, why are you saying that people should do things differently?

Everybody's different. You'll waste your life if you spend time trying to understand all the horrible/rude/goady people. What a rubbish way to spend your time!

Original poster
NotHelpful · 02/07/2023 11:01

FiveShelties · 02/07/2023 10:53

Could you give us some examples of how you are posting helpful replies to posters?

Not specific examples, no. As they are obviously dependent upon the OPs needs/wants and their situation. However, I am an empath by nature (and a decent people in general). I would never go out of my way to make anyone feel inferior.

OP posts:
Original poster
NotHelpful · 02/07/2023 11:09

Watchkeys · 02/07/2023 10:55

Why do you need to understand, @NotHelpful ? And if you simply want to understand, why are you saying that people should do things differently?

Everybody's different. You'll waste your life if you spend time trying to understand all the horrible/rude/goady people. What a rubbish way to spend your time!

I quite enjoy pondering the 'why'.

I'm an idealist and in an ideal world, everyone would be courteous and respectful of others. However, I appreciate that there are many reasons as to why some aren't- narcissism, poor upbringing, traumatic life experiences, they all have an impact on our views and thought processes and in turn, our behaviour.

OP posts:
Watchkeys · 02/07/2023 11:14

I quite enjoy pondering the 'why

Have fun! You'll never get an answer though, because the reason one person makes a comment won't be the same as the reason why another person makes a comment. What you're asking is a bit like 'Why do people wear blue t shirts in town?'; they just do, you'll see some every day. Others choose not to.

Who cares? Well, you obviously. Good luck with it. Could you find out for me how long a piece of string is, by the way? Wink

FiveShelties · 02/07/2023 11:15

People like to be helpful, people like to be horrid - that is just the way it is. Some people stand by the posts they make and others change their name to make provocative posts.

We are all different.

Original poster
NotHelpful · 02/07/2023 11:31

Watchkeys · 02/07/2023 11:14

I quite enjoy pondering the 'why

Have fun! You'll never get an answer though, because the reason one person makes a comment won't be the same as the reason why another person makes a comment. What you're asking is a bit like 'Why do people wear blue t shirts in town?'; they just do, you'll see some every day. Others choose not to.

Who cares? Well, you obviously. Good luck with it. Could you find out for me how long a piece of string is, by the way? Wink

All the the best.

OP posts:
Original poster
NotHelpful · 02/07/2023 11:34

FiveShelties · 02/07/2023 11:15

People like to be helpful, people like to be horrid - that is just the way it is. Some people stand by the posts they make and others change their name to make provocative posts.

We are all different.

I understand that we are all different, I just want to know what makes us the way we are. I agree, there is no one answer, it'll be wholly dependent on the factors I've mentioned above, and more. I just find it interesting.

OP posts:
GalileoHumpkins · 02/07/2023 11:34

What's the 'be kind' era?

FiveShelties · 02/07/2023 11:38

Are you writing an assignment OP?

Watchkeys · 02/07/2023 11:58

You'd be best off asking individual posters straight after they made a shitty post.

Original poster
NotHelpful · 02/07/2023 12:00

FiveShelties · 02/07/2023 11:38

Are you writing an assignment OP?

No, my easy writing days are over.

OP posts:
Original poster
NotHelpful · 02/07/2023 12:00

Essay

OP posts:
FiveShelties · 02/07/2023 12:02

NotHelpful · 02/07/2023 12:00

No, my easy writing days are over.

Show quote history

Mine too - thankfully.