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Original poster

How would you feel if...

46 replies

InsideMyDrawers · 01/07/2023 20:23

Your DH went through your bedside drawers?

I have got home today after a day out and suspect my DH has done this.

Mine are full of crap admittedly, but it is still 'my' space. I did have something in there he had no knowledge of. This has been thrown into conversation as oh I found x whilst searching for blah blah. It is obvious what he was looking for is not in my drawers. I said oh where did you find x? And he said somewhere else. Later as part of the search, i asked specifically if he had gone though my drawers, he said no.

But i know for a fact that it was in there. Noone else knew about it. It was mine and mine alone.

And now I feel...actually I dont know how I feel. I have claimed ignorance "oh I forgot about that" and havent said I know, or suspect that he has lied.

OP posts:
Original poster
InsideMyDrawers · 01/07/2023 20:54

Bump

OP posts:
DowntonCrabby · 01/07/2023 20:56

I wouldn’t care about the searching but would care about the lying.

WonderfulUsername · 01/07/2023 20:58

No drawers are off limits in our house.

But if they are in yours then YANBU.

Original poster
InsideMyDrawers · 01/07/2023 20:58

Even if he took something of yours?

But then i guess that is tied in to the lying so.

OP posts:
wildfirewonder · 01/07/2023 21:00

I just can't imagine this happening in my house, there are no drawers that are off limits but also why would my DH go into my bedside drawer when there is nothing in there of interest?

What did he take?

The lying is completely out of order.

carrot87 · 01/07/2023 21:01

My DH can go through my bedroom doors as much as he likes, but if he eats my stash of chocolate he will be in trouble. I'm just wondering what your hiding from him and why.

Original poster
InsideMyDrawers · 01/07/2023 21:02

Well I mean, i have never specifically said it's off limits. But it's my area. And he knows i hate the kids fiddling with it for example. I wouldn't do it out of respect I guess. Just wait until he is home and ask him to do it then?

He took cash.

OP posts:
Original poster
InsideMyDrawers · 01/07/2023 21:04

The money was for a rainy day, in another currency. We have been through a rocky patch. It was rolled into a jewellery box (ring size). He was looking for paperwork. It's clearly not in a ring box. I have no idea where the money is now. He said he is going to put it into the bank account but no idea where it physically is or when he will do it. Or if he will.

OP posts:
carrot87 · 01/07/2023 21:06

InsideMyDrawers · 01/07/2023 21:04

The money was for a rainy day, in another currency. We have been through a rocky patch. It was rolled into a jewellery box (ring size). He was looking for paperwork. It's clearly not in a ring box. I have no idea where the money is now. He said he is going to put it into the bank account but no idea where it physically is or when he will do it. Or if he will.

I'd want it back. It's a weird one because I don't hide things my partner would know it was there but if he took it without asking I'd be pissed of too.

HowardKirksConscience · 01/07/2023 21:07

Ask for the cash back?

tinytemper66 · 01/07/2023 21:07

InsideMyDrawers · 01/07/2023 21:04

The money was for a rainy day, in another currency. We have been through a rocky patch. It was rolled into a jewellery box (ring size). He was looking for paperwork. It's clearly not in a ring box. I have no idea where the money is now. He said he is going to put it into the bank account but no idea where it physically is or when he will do it. Or if he will.

He has stolen money from you basically. What a knob. Take it back via a joint account, if you have one Then put it in your own account that he cannot access. Have your own separate bank account from now on.

WonderfulUsername · 01/07/2023 21:08

InsideMyDrawers · 01/07/2023 21:04

The money was for a rainy day, in another currency. We have been through a rocky patch. It was rolled into a jewellery box (ring size). He was looking for paperwork. It's clearly not in a ring box. I have no idea where the money is now. He said he is going to put it into the bank account but no idea where it physically is or when he will do it. Or if he will.

I have claimed ignorance "oh I forgot about that"

So you both lied to each other but you're annoyed that he lied?

Aquamarine1029 · 01/07/2023 21:09

First things first, tell him immediately to give you the money back.

Secondly, this all sounds very suspicious. He's hiding his true intentions, and they lying confirms it.

CheezePleeze · 01/07/2023 21:10

Who does the money actually belong to OP?

To you or both of you?

Original poster
InsideMyDrawers · 01/07/2023 21:11

WonderfulUsername · 01/07/2023 21:08

I have claimed ignorance "oh I forgot about that"

So you both lied to each other but you're annoyed that he lied?

Show quote history

True. But it was an emergency fund. It wasnt even in british currency!! Less than a year ago i was consulting lawyers about a divorce, hes only been six months sober. It's been a lot.

So I cant go, oi give me the money back, I need it to leave you!

OP posts:
pippinsleftleg · 01/07/2023 21:13

of course you can tell him you want it back - tell him it's yours and you are going to put it in your bank account.

WonderfulUsername · 01/07/2023 21:14

Why is it in a different currency?

Was it leftover holiday money belonging to both of you or just you?

Original poster
InsideMyDrawers · 01/07/2023 21:15

It is from my family in a different country

OP posts:
PaigeMatthews · 01/07/2023 21:15

pippinsleftleg · 01/07/2023 21:13

of course you can tell him you want it back - tell him it's yours and you are going to put it in your bank account.

You can absolutely tell him to give it back. It isnt his.

Original poster
InsideMyDrawers · 01/07/2023 21:19

So it was a gift years ago. Like more than 5 years. We never converted it. It got lost. I found it again. Things were rocky. So its ours. But it was also a shit hit the fan safety net I guess.

I will just have to make sure he puts it in the account. (We only have a joint one) it is his after all.

I just feel wierd not having it. I guess i am being unreasonable.

I also dont like he went through my stuff when i wasnt around.

OP posts:
WonderfulUsername · 01/07/2023 21:21

InsideMyDrawers · 01/07/2023 21:15

It is from my family in a different country

If they gave it to you specifically then YANBU.

It means the money belongs to you.

PaigeMatthews · 01/07/2023 21:21

InsideMyDrawers · 01/07/2023 21:19

So it was a gift years ago. Like more than 5 years. We never converted it. It got lost. I found it again. Things were rocky. So its ours. But it was also a shit hit the fan safety net I guess.

I will just have to make sure he puts it in the account. (We only have a joint one) it is his after all.

I just feel wierd not having it. I guess i am being unreasonable.

I also dont like he went through my stuff when i wasnt around.

Nobody has said youre being unreasonable. You are not being unreasonable. He is an addict who you were planning to leave 6 months ago. He has today gone through your drawers looking for something. He went in a ring box. He was lying about why. Was he actually looking for jewellery to sell and found cash instead?

SparklingLime · 01/07/2023 21:21

You surely need your own bank account so that you can start to save an emergency fund that he can't access?

yipeeyiyay · 01/07/2023 21:22

InsideMyDrawers · 01/07/2023 21:04

The money was for a rainy day, in another currency. We have been through a rocky patch. It was rolled into a jewellery box (ring size). He was looking for paperwork. It's clearly not in a ring box. I have no idea where the money is now. He said he is going to put it into the bank account but no idea where it physically is or when he will do it. Or if he will.

He took your money and won't give it back? Are you serious? Why are you not going ballistic?

C1N1C · 01/07/2023 21:23

This whole relationship seems a bit off...

Unless it's a present drawer with clear boundaries, I don't see an issue. If you want a secret stash, the house is not the place for it. It's a shared space, and 'stereotypically' men are not the ones who organise the house, and as such are prone to rummaging.

Do you trust him?