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Original poster

Date saying he 'can't stay out too late' - strange?

55 replies

janeseymour78 · 01/07/2023 13:15

I'm finally meeting a guy from online dating after nearly a month of on and off chatting. He was on holiday and then I was. But we get along very well, has been respectful and nice, and we have common interests.

Anyway we're meeting on Wed and he suggested a bar I also really like and a time. He said 'is that time ok for you? Gives us a few hours although can't stay out super late because of work on Thurs'.

I mean, yeah, I'm also working the next day but just seems a bit of a strange to mention a cut off point before it happens. Am I reading into it?

OP posts:

OutsidInInsideOut · 01/07/2023 13:17

I think its fine

pinguins · 01/07/2023 13:18

Yeah that sounds fine. He's being responsible about the fact he has a job in the morning. I'd rather that than to date a feckless lout who stayed out until 3am and got blathered then phoned in to work the next day.

Usernamenotavailab · 01/07/2023 13:18

Yes.

depends on his job but if he does anything where he’s required to be on the ball he can’t turn up tired or hungover.

some people have jobs where their errors can mean risks to their own or someone else’s health or life. So they make sure they turn up unimpaired.

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Badbudgeter · 01/07/2023 13:18

I think you are reading into it. First dates can carry on for ages if you are getting on. It also takes the pressure off as he’s not going to suggest coming back to yours after.

Imogensmumma · 01/07/2023 13:19

I think it seems fine, if not fantastic shows he has a great work ethic. Would you rather he was like oh well let’s call in sick to work the next day?

It’s also a first date a few hours is plenty and let’s you decide if you want to see the person again

Whatevergetsyouthroughthenight · 01/07/2023 13:19

Fine with me. He’s probably letting you know that if he leaves earlier it’s not a sign that he doesn’t like you. He might be worried you are a night owl when he’s usually tucked up in bed by 9pm.

NinjaTurtIe · 01/07/2023 13:21

It's very normal and he is being upfront and managing expectations in case you think he's leaving because of you he is making it less awkward by letting you know that it won't be personal and make you realise in advance what's going to happen. I prefer someone straight forward and understands the need to go to bed at a decent hour than someone pushing me to be late at disadvantage of my own health, sleep and possibly work. It's weird you'd go on a date on Wednesday unless it was coffee only and even weirder that you've an issue with what he said.. do you not work or have any life responsibilities? Why can't you get it?

Original poster

janeseymour78 · 01/07/2023 13:22

Im so nervous about this date! Haven't been on one for 1.5 years and I know not to get too excited but I like him and would love for it to go well

Nice to hear I probably shouldn't worry about this. And yes it does show he isn't going to just try and get into my pants I suppose!

OP posts:

CurlewKate · 01/07/2023 13:24

Could he be saying "I'm not going to be asking for sex." ?

Keepitonthelow · 01/07/2023 13:24

That’s fine. A few hours might be too much if you don’t like each other on sight!

Clara9283 · 01/07/2023 13:25

I think it's fine. 'Can't stay out too late' is my standard phrase when meeting anyone during the week, I'm not at an age anymore where I can keep going all evening night and function on the next day 😂

Original poster

janeseymour78 · 01/07/2023 13:30

@Keepitonthelow funnily enough I already have seen him!

A few days after we matched he appeared next to me at a concert with friends. He is much better looking in person than photos.

OP posts:

Comedycook · 01/07/2023 13:34

He's giving himself an excuse in advance to leave early in case he doesn't like you

Original poster

janeseymour78 · 01/07/2023 13:35

I was also thinking @Keepitonthelow saying he can stay for a few hours is optimistic in case we didn't like each other 🙂

OP posts:

ToBeOrNotToBee · 01/07/2023 13:36

Perfectly fine.

He obviously is responsible and it gives you both a window to have a few lovely hours and a ending that doesn't get drawn out or feel awkward.

Original poster

janeseymour78 · 01/07/2023 13:43

@ToBeOrNotToBee that's true 🙂

His suggestion is also one of my favourite bars, so at least I'll already feel I'm in a comfortable relaxed place.

OP posts:

Macaroni46 · 01/07/2023 13:47

Seems totally fine. I often start work at 7.30am so cannot stay out late on a week day. If anything, you questioning this would put me off.

huntingcunting · 01/07/2023 13:48

I think it's fine. He's just forewarning you that he needs to get up for work the next day. He also might be managing expectations regarding sex - ie. you won't be up all night shagging....

standardduck · 01/07/2023 13:51

Sounds completely fine.

Enjoy your date!

mynumber · 01/07/2023 13:52

Is there a full moon?

Original poster

janeseymour78 · 01/07/2023 13:53

@mynumber I think you've figured out the real truth here! He's clearly a werewolf.

OP posts:

Helpmepleaseimbusy · 01/07/2023 13:55

Seems fine to me. I wouldn't read too much into it. Also if the date goes really wellyouwill probably stay out anyway.

HRTQueen · 01/07/2023 13:57

I’ve never known a man who is interested to need to go home early

he is married/living with someone

Sandra1984 · 01/07/2023 14:02

I wouldn’t make a fuss about it. I believe he’s (subtly) letting you know that he’s a responsible man with a job and a good work ethic, that he just wants to have an introduction drink as to see you in person and (most important): he has absolutely no intentions of this turning into a drunk date one-night-stand situation. He’s not looking for sex.

I would stay calm (he sounds like a good apple), enjoy the date and keep dating other people, don’t invest emotionally too soon.

Sandra1984 · 01/07/2023 14:05

@HRTQueen he is married/living with someone.

Could be a possibility too, so after the date I would ask for his real name and “investigate” a little.

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