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Original poster

Date saying he 'can't stay out too late' - strange?

55 replies

janeseymour78 · 01/07/2023 13:15

I'm finally meeting a guy from online dating after nearly a month of on and off chatting. He was on holiday and then I was. But we get along very well, has been respectful and nice, and we have common interests.

Anyway we're meeting on Wed and he suggested a bar I also really like and a time. He said 'is that time ok for you? Gives us a few hours although can't stay out super late because of work on Thurs'.

I mean, yeah, I'm also working the next day but just seems a bit of a strange to mention a cut off point before it happens. Am I reading into it?

OP posts:
Moonsun88 · 01/07/2023 14:07

Sounds really lovely, and also responsible

philautia · 01/07/2023 14:09

No not at all. This would be a plus point I'd think!

YukoandHiro · 01/07/2023 14:12

You're reading way too much into it.

Do you feel ready to date?

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Dating General relationships
Original poster
janeseymour78 · 01/07/2023 14:18

I'm definitely ready to date.

Just a bit out of the game 🙂

OP posts:
ARareKindaBear · 01/07/2023 14:21

Totally normal, I always prewarn people that I won’t be staying out late. I get up super early and am ready for bed by 9:30pm. I try to at least stay awake until 10:30 but on a night out I’d be wanting to be home by then. I wouldn’t even go out at all if I was at work the next day.

UsingChangeofName · 01/07/2023 15:01

I feel I should refer you to the "over thinking" thread....... or maybe get the "overthinking thread" people to look at this one as an example.

Not wanting to stay out until the wee small hours midweek is perfectly normal, surely ?
But, this is definitely a case of overthinking. Just go and meet him and see how you get on. If you have a nice time, see him again. If you don't, then don't. You really don't need to analyse every message and run through the 6 different sub-conscious messages that might - or most likely might not - be behind each word.

AuntieStella · 01/07/2023 15:09

CurlewKate · 01/07/2023 13:24

Could he be saying "I'm not going to be asking for sex." ?

Possibly!

Or just wants to have a cut-off (managing expectations is quite useful for a first meeting, which is why lunch or a coffee is often mentioned as neither of those go on too long)

Are you wondering if he's saying it because he's got someone he needs to get home to at a reasonable hours? Also possible, but i think it would be premature to be thinking that on the basis of one date (especially if he has an occupation with early-ish starts). If he's never available late, at weekends or spontaneously, that would be a different matter

Original poster
janeseymour78 · 01/07/2023 15:16

@AuntieStella he's not long back from a holiday which I know had a lot of late nights.

I also bumped into him at a concert that ended late, so I'm thinking it can't be a pattern to always be home early.

I don't know who he lives with. I'm looking forward to the date so I'll try to leave my analysis at the door 🙂i think I'm supposed to have fun on these first date things!

OP posts:
johnd2 · 01/07/2023 15:25

HRTQueen · 01/07/2023 13:57

I’ve never known a man who is interested to need to go home early

he is married/living with someone

I prefer the werewolf suggestion!

shivawn · 01/07/2023 15:28

I don't see anything wrong with it. I'm up at 6:00 on workdays so I don't like staying out late the night before.

Original poster
janeseymour78 · 01/07/2023 15:42

@johnd2 I remain hopeful

OP posts:
2bazookas · 01/07/2023 15:44

He's being polite and considerate; letting you know that an early night doesn't mean he's bored /eager to escape.

Vettrianofan · 01/07/2023 17:45

Watch out he might turn into a pumpkin after 10pm👀

Buildingthefuture · 01/07/2023 17:51

God, I’d be crap at dating! I think this sounds normal and absolutely something I would say (I get up at 5am). It wouldn’t occur to me that it might mean he lives with someone else or that he’s looking for an early escape or that he’s politely signalling that he doesn’t want sex. I’d just think he had to be up early?

Sandra1984 · 01/07/2023 17:52

Vettrianofan · 01/07/2023 17:45

Watch out he might turn into a pumpkin after 10pm👀

we already agreed on werewolf.

nancy2022 · 01/07/2023 19:19

janeseymour78 · 01/07/2023 13:30

@Keepitonthelow funnily enough I already have seen him!

A few days after we matched he appeared next to me at a concert with friends. He is much better looking in person than photos.

What do you mean he appeared? He happened to be at the same venue as you and out of hundreds? of people he stood next to you?

Seryse · 01/07/2023 19:23

Sounds like you maybe have some first date jitters - it is absolutely normal to have those snd to be anxious, excited, a whole mix of all those feelings, especially if it's been a while.

I think (and hope) he's just being sensible as he said he had work in the morning, as mentioned earlier too he's likely putting a little safety net in there just to give you both a get out clause if you don't feel it in person which... can sometimes happen (again, hoping its not needed!)

Don't think anymore about that. Focus on what you're gonna wear on your date and keep us updated on how it goes!! 🤞

Original poster
janeseymour78 · 01/07/2023 23:04

@nancy2022 that's right. The venue held a about 1500 people and he appeared next to me. Sheer coincidence but then we knew we had music in common and that sparked more conversation and interest.

@Seryse yes that's it. Normal jitters when I don't date much....I'm excited...and nervous! I will definitely report back 🙂

OP posts:
Original poster
janeseymour78 · 01/07/2023 23:06

@Sandra1984 I'm now laughing because my mother messaged me tonight saying 'beautiful full moon outside'...😃

OP posts:
UsingChangeofName · 01/07/2023 23:43

Buildingthefuture · 01/07/2023 17:51

God, I’d be crap at dating! I think this sounds normal and absolutely something I would say (I get up at 5am). It wouldn’t occur to me that it might mean he lives with someone else or that he’s looking for an early escape or that he’s politely signalling that he doesn’t want sex. I’d just think he had to be up early?

Quite.

I couldn't live with an over thinker. It would be exhausting.

cassiatwenty · 02/07/2023 00:12

No probs

JudgeRudy · 02/07/2023 00:25

I'd find this a perfectly reasonable thing to say. Hrs not intending to (try to) stay over and he's also checking that the time works for you too. If you're normally in bed by 10 and are meeting half hour away at 8 it's perhaps not ideal, so he's being considerate plus letting you know that he has work the next day too.
Enjoy yourself.

MrsMikeDrop · 02/07/2023 00:30

Reading wayyyy too much into it!! It's good, he can't be out too late and he's letting you know in advance. I'd be happy with that

Frogmila · 02/07/2023 01:42

Take this at face value. He is letting you know in advance so you don't think he's not interested and doing a runner.

It's a good idea anyway to just have an initial drink and a chat that's quite contained. First dates can go on for ages if you vaguely get on since you're new to each other and haven't spoken before in person so theres's lots to go at. It doesn't always signify a spark. You can make the same decision after a quickish meet up saving time and money.

ASGIRC · 02/07/2023 02:17

Clara9283 · 01/07/2023 13:25

I think it's fine. 'Can't stay out too late' is my standard phrase when meeting anyone during the week, I'm not at an age anymore where I can keep going all evening night and function on the next day 😂

Same, but then I invariably end up staying out TOOOOOO late and being absolutely minging the next day LOL

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