Really awkward situation and I'm stuck in the middle

[OooIcouldCrushAGrape]

Hi advice please
Ok, so school pick ups. I have a group of mums I stand with. We have become good friends. Chat in playground as you do and sometimes meet up outside of school
Another mum has started to join group, we are usually very welcoming. I won't go into detail as too outing but she is irritating to say the least. However, I'll talk to most ppl and lend an ear but the rest of the group are starting to get bitchy about her, turning their back on her and making comments that are obv aimed at her so she can hear. When I talk to her they say why u talking to her!
I've told them I'm not going to be rude to her
I don't know what to do. I don't want to fall out with anyone. But I can see this situation getting more awkward and nasty and I feel bad for the mum. What can I do?

Good for you for not following the crowd

Tell your other "friends" they are being childish bitches. They only have to tolerate her for a few minutes at pick up and drop off. If by the time they are old enough to be parents they haven't managed to master basic manners I would want to be associated with them.

I'd tell these other mums to grow up and stop being so petty! If they don't like her they don't have to talk to her, but they also don't have to be rude! And nor should you have to exclude her just because they have.
Playground behaviour in the playground should really be exclusive to the kids!

Your 'friends' sound horrible and very immature.

What's so irritating about her?

But you're doing the right thing, talking to her and not joining in with the bitchiness. Just being yourself.

Ditch the bitches & shame them on the way out.

What can I do?

find better friends for a start, how immature of them!

This is so childish. There’s no need at all for this sort of behaviour from grown women. I couldn’t be bothered, if I were you I’d keep my distance from them too.

I've seen a side of them I really don't like.
I want to back off them but how? And I'll be a target for being bitched about I bet!
I dread the pick ups now because I can see it escalating

I’ve done years and years of school runs and many more years to go (4 kids spaced out) and it never fails to disappoint me how childish school run parents are. My best advice to anyone is to stay out of the drama, take time to find your people and always be aware that you will see these people for years and years throughout Primary

They don’t sound like a nice bunch, you’re better off staying clear in my opinion.
It’s so toxic to constantly be bitching about people. I find people who are actually happy with their own lives don’t do it. You should feel a bit sorry for them, it’s pathetic.

Wow your ‘friends’ sound awful :( I’d call them out on this tbh, obviously you can’t be best friends with everyone but obvious bitching aimed at this new woman is dreadful behaviour, I’d be really disappointed in them :(

She really could benefit from being told where she is going wrong.

I wouldn’t bitch either. When people used to bitch I would drift away, change the subject, make a joke or even try to smooth it over. With varying degrees of success. There isn’t any need for it and once they get a taste for blood, so to speak, they may decide to turn on someone else. It’s a toxic dynamic.

I'm trying to stay out of it, what I can see happening is one of the group (one mum is outspoken) telling this other mum to get lost or something and I won't know how to handle that

@Innocents4321 I was thinking about telling her where she's going wrong but I'd feel awful. I hate bullying and confrontation but I also hate hurting ppls feelings. I think at some point this mum is going to ask me if the others have a problem with her and I don't know what I am going to say 😔

People like your friends cause so much misery and damage. Why not just gently steer the other mum to being more appropriate. Anxiety can sometimes get the better of people. These groups very often don't last beyond school years. I'd prioritise the mum who doesn't bully others myself.

Tell her the truth. "My friends are a bunch of pathetic twats". The children don't stand a chance if this is how the parents behave. I can just picture it now. Awful behaviour.

When I talk to her they say why u talking to her!

Did one of them honestly say this?

@ThursdayFreedom not to her to me when she went. They said why you talking to her, ignore her
and then she might stop trying to talk to us.

My 14 yr old DC is in your position. I say well done and the moaning friend needs to grow up. DC agrees with me and just rolls with the routine of moaning friend moaning about it, leaving DC “unread” then getting bored and speaking again.

What year is your child in? There's only a few weeks of the school year left (if you're in the UK)

This happens a lot in groups where everyone bonds against a common enemy. I’ve never been able to last the distance in a group because I just can’t ignore an underdog, even when it’s to my own detriment.

I think you have to decide whether you want to be in the group or not.

Yes only a couple weeks left but It was so bad today I can see it getting nasty before the break

This:

Is your child friends with the mum groups’ children? Because if that’s the behaviour they’ve been modelled….

Can you start distancing yourself from both sides for the moment? Might be easiest for you to just withdrawn entirely