Really awkward situation and I'm stuck in the middle

[OooIcouldCrushAGrape]

Hi advice please
Ok, so school pick ups. I have a group of mums I stand with. We have become good friends. Chat in playground as you do and sometimes meet up outside of school
Another mum has started to join group, we are usually very welcoming. I won't go into detail as too outing but she is irritating to say the least. However, I'll talk to most ppl and lend an ear but the rest of the group are starting to get bitchy about her, turning their back on her and making comments that are obv aimed at her so she can hear. When I talk to her they say why u talking to her!
I've told them I'm not going to be rude to her
I don't know what to do. I don't want to fall out with anyone. But I can see this situation getting more awkward and nasty and I feel bad for the mum. What can I do?

When you just go along with these things, you become just as bad as the ones doing it.

God knows why this woman keeps coming back for more, but that's by the by. Just stay out of it or if you do want to be honest, just say you feel bad for her next time someone asks why you bother.

They sound awful. I wouldn't even stand with them, let alone socialise with them.

Find somewhere different to stand on the playground. And if someone asks why, just tell them you’re not impressed by their behaviour. You need to learn to care less about what horrible people think of you, and cultivate some better friendships.

Could you say in a light hearted tone: hey come on now if our kids were behaving like this we would be cross!!!
And if they say why are you talking to her say: Come on now..a little kindness!!
Just a simple sentence. When my dad was in company any back biting or bad language as he hated that he always said : Come on now lads watch the talk and he was so popular with his friends no one ever held it against him. Stick by your own principles and you won't go wrong. As least they will know you are not backbiting them behind their back.
I presume the new woman isn't being bitchy in any way just lacking a bit of cop.

What they’re doing is bullying. Trying to isolate someone from a group she wanted to join. The sort of thing that happens with bitchy girls in secondary school.

I’d go elsewhere on the playground too, otherwise you’ll end up needing to take sides.

The thing is I think she knows so she makes a beeline for me. So she stands talking to me and I can hear the others making underhand comments aimed at her but not obvious to her if you know what I mean. It's making me so anxious

Ask your friends how they would feel if their child was in a similar situation to this new mum? Would they be fine with other children turning their backs on them, ostracising them or being really cliquey?

Some people never grow up. You see this pack bitchiness across all ages and it's horrible. What chance to teenage girls stand, when they see this modelled by their mothers!
When I was younger, I was part of a group that tuned against one person for no discernible reason - I'm ashamed to say I didn't defend her. Being popular was more important to me at the time and I'm embarrassed and ashamed of that now.

That said, if she really is irritating and they aren't just being bitchy for no reason, then she has to take responsibility and the consequences for her own behaviour - you don't owe it to a total stranger to alienate yourself from your own friends, if she is genuinely a problem caused with her own actions.
But this is something only you can judge. I wouldn't piss off my own social group to take the side of an underdog who is truly a pita. She must be be pretty thick skinned to keep coming back!

Mate. Wait in your car. Or arrive literally on time. Pick up kids. Leave

Once your kids past this it all looks ludicrous. Who gaf

Or get a job 😂

How old is your DC?

You’re making this complicated. Just avoid them. Turn up a bit later at pick up

Only 6 so got years of this awkwardness.
She is irritating, however she's not horrible.
I am going to back off.. I know they will get funny about it, especially if I still talk to the other woman. Honestly why can't ppl just get on!

My DS would say “don’t be a sheep”. He is beyond wise for his 18 yrs. Being kind is more important than being friends with a toxic group of harpies.
You may miss out on a great friendship by following the crowd.

You can be a peacekeeper. If your “friends” say why are you talking to her, just ignore her, say “oh she’s harmless enough, you know me I can chat away to anyone!” Or even the slightly more bitchy “oh don’t be mean, she might be lonely, I don’t think she knows anyone”. If your friends are still pushing it and still being bitchy then just phase yourself out. They sound like complete nightmares tbh.

I would side with the person who was told to get lost. I just could not stay friendly with this group of women who are bullying someone else.

Yeah I'd rather stand alone than be involved with that crowed.

Unfortunately this doesn’t get better. And if you don’t act you are complicit. Might be hard but you need to be true to yourself on this, don’t people please, tell them what you think and step back. If they are like this, they aren’t your people so no loss.

Can you not stand further away from
them? They sound AWFUL. This poor other woman!

One mum is outspoken, eh? She'll be the bully Queen Bee then. I think you'll find, if you look around you, that there are other groups of mums who stay well clear of her and her obedient clique.

At the school run I'd change things about a bit - turn up with 10 seconds to spare, have something utterly fascinating on your phone that is taking up your whole attention, stand in an entirely different place from usual, rummage incessantly in your handbag for something, any kind of business really that means you don't actually need to stand there and talk to anybody. Keep it up for a week or so, and things will calm down.

Yes everyone is wary of upsetting the outspoken one and do side with her

Just turn up later fgs
stop making it a thing. Shut down all conversations

Yay someone like me that stands up. Had a similar thing nursery group. Sorry but I can make my own judgements and chose to keep talking generally to the woman the group talked about. Funny thing is she's now a best friend and the bitchy group don't even talk to each other anymore they all bitch about each other now.