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Original poster

DS being excluded

32 replies

Exhausted2023 · 26/06/2023 18:31

My DS, age 15 attends a SEN school. Every year a particular parent organises an end of year outing. My DS has not been invited. Every other child has been invited. It's deliberate.

DS is 15 but young for his years. Said parent does not like me, but to hurt an innocent child is just an absolute low. How do I handle this? I'm both upset and furious.

OP posts:
Silkierabbit · 26/06/2023 18:47

So sorry that has happened to you and your DS, its horrible. I have a SN 16 year old DS so I know what its like. I think if your DS wants to go out then I would take him somewhere myself. I might drop it in conversation with the school but nothing much anyone can do.

GoodnightJude1 · 26/06/2023 19:01

How horrible. I had the same with my DS….a parent at the school didn’t like me so she took much pleasure in handing out invitations to ALL of the children in the class apart from my DS. Although it was nearly 10 years ago I can still picture the look on his face as he realised he’d been left out.

Unfortunately there isn’t much you can do…people can choose who they do/don’t invite and don’t have to give you a reason.
I’d ask DS what he’d like to do that day and have a fun day together…consoling yourself with that fact that you are not a complete bitch.

Original poster
Exhausted2023 · 26/06/2023 19:16

Thank you, this is helpful. Utterly vile though, isn't it?

OP posts:

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Barleysugar86 · 26/06/2023 19:20

Do you have a class chat? I'd ask innocently in there if so if there were any details on an end of school outing yet?

Goldbar · 26/06/2023 19:28

In this particular case, I would ask her whether DS's invitation has been lost or he has been missed off the list. Or potentially ask for details of the outing on the whatsapp because your DS's invitation seems to have gone missing. While usually I think people should be able to invite who they please to outings/parties etc., I think in this case it would be satisfying to make her admit outright that she deliberately hasn't invited him and him alone.

MissingMoominMamma · 26/06/2023 19:30

If it’s an SEN school, I would raise it with them. Social skills and friendships are part of their curriculum.

Original poster
Exhausted2023 · 26/06/2023 19:34

I think I will speak to school, because it feels like bullying by the parent and it does affect the children and their friendships at school

OP posts:
NotOnYourNellies · 26/06/2023 19:37

I'd mention it on the class WhatsApp group, ask where his invite could have gone as this has happened before and he was very sad about it
Hopefully the other parents will read it how it is and maybe think twice about sending their child
If the children themselves don't clash and are difficult together it's just bloody rude and spiteful

Sycasmores · 26/06/2023 19:42

Why doesn't the other mother like your son? Is he violent or mean to her child. If this was the mother posting and saying should I invite my child's bully to our end of year party the response would be a resounding no.

I'm not saying your child is the problem or is a bully but it's impossible to have an opinion without knowing more.

Regardless maybe throw your own end of year party next year?

NotOnYourNellies · 26/06/2023 19:49

The parent doesn't like the OP @Sycasmores

Foxesandsquirrels · 26/06/2023 19:54

SEN school classes are tiny. I would speak to the school or the parent tbh. This seems really mean.

Original poster
Exhausted2023 · 26/06/2023 20:45

Foxesandsquirrels · 26/06/2023 19:54

SEN school classes are tiny. I would speak to the school or the parent tbh. This seems really mean.

Yes small classes, so it really highlights it to DS. I never thought I'd encounter such nastiness from another SEN parent.

OP posts:
mamaison · 26/06/2023 20:47

Professional opinion, I would tell the school.

Innocents4321 · 26/06/2023 21:01

It is vile and hurtful but she wants you to get hurt so please do not giver her the satisfaction. Be friendly and smiley to everyone else, pretend you haven’t noticed and take him out somewhere that day and have a great time.

Pinkscaf · 26/06/2023 21:11

You've got to be a prize bitch as a parent to leave one DC out. I'd talk to the school.

Original poster
Exhausted2023 · 26/06/2023 21:15

Pinkscaf · 26/06/2023 21:11

You've got to be a prize bitch as a parent to leave one DC out. I'd talk to the school.

She is.

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NotOnYourNellies · 27/06/2023 09:11

Innocents4321 · 26/06/2023 21:01

It is vile and hurtful but she wants you to get hurt so please do not giver her the satisfaction. Be friendly and smiley to everyone else, pretend you haven’t noticed and take him out somewhere that day and have a great time.

Why though? She has noticed, her son is hurt, why ignore it ?Sometimes it's better to call these things out
Confront her either on WhatsApp or speak to the school
Shameful

Original poster
Exhausted2023 · 27/06/2023 09:53

It's so horrible. An adult bullying a child, through exclusion, because the adult does not like the parent.

OP posts:
Foxesandsquirrels · 27/06/2023 09:55

Please tell the school op.

Violinist64 · 27/06/2023 10:01

Definitely tell the school. This woman should not be in charge of organising class events if she cannot get over her childish behaviour and include everyone. It is even more important at a special school than in mainstream. My oldest son attended a special school and when he was sixteen a prom was organised for all the year elevens. One of the parents organised two limousines so that they could ALL be taken round the town in their finery before the prom.

eatdrinkandbemerry · 27/06/2023 10:10

I will go further and explain that my sons sen school have excluded my son from his residential!
He has no extreme behaviour issues and no medical needs so they cannot use that as an excuse.
They went on the residential without inviting him and think I don't know anything about it 🤔but made an enormous error and sent me the photographs of everyone enjoying themselves 🤣.
Complaint logged and heads will roll 🤬

unbelieveable22 · 27/06/2023 10:11

Is she organising on behalf of the school? If so she should be relieved of the task. Regardless raise it with the school. Children with SEN are discriminated against and face enough challenges without another parent actively participating in such behaviour. Are the other parents aware?
What a horrible person.

Original poster
Exhausted2023 · 27/06/2023 12:10

She's arranging it herself, so not on the direction of the school. A SEN parent discriminating against a child, I hadn't looked at it that way. You just wouldn't think it would occur. It's so vile.

OP posts:
Original poster
Exhausted2023 · 27/06/2023 12:11

eatdrinkandbemerry · 27/06/2023 10:10

I will go further and explain that my sons sen school have excluded my son from his residential!
He has no extreme behaviour issues and no medical needs so they cannot use that as an excuse.
They went on the residential without inviting him and think I don't know anything about it 🤔but made an enormous error and sent me the photographs of everyone enjoying themselves 🤣.
Complaint logged and heads will roll 🤬

I am so sorry to hear this Flowers

OP posts:
MynameMyname · 27/06/2023 12:13

It reflects badly on them not you and other people will think how petty and vile the parent is .

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