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Original poster

DP is ill and we ALL need to know about it....

65 replies

WasIBad · 25/06/2023 21:59

He's driving me mad! He suddenly announced this afternoon that he was feeling 'really not well'. Ok I said, go to bed. I'll look after the baby and you get some rest. Oh, I don't think I could sleep, I'll just stay on the sofa 🙄

And since then there's been a lot of huffing and puffing, little sideways glances at me to make sure I'm looking before he closes his eyes and does a little moaning sound.

Then the SNIFFING! My God, I hate it. I told him to get a tissue and he shuffled sadly to the kitchen, sighing along the way.

I've suggested at least four times that he just goes to bed, but no. He'll just stay on the sofa, annoying the fuck out of the rest of us.

Anyone else have a partner who does performance illness??

OP posts:

OakTreex · 26/06/2023 00:20

Oh lord. Why do they all do this? Another 'reasons I'm grateful to be single' point to add to my ever increasing list for the next time I think about dating a man!

Original poster

WasIBad · 26/06/2023 14:21

Oh good Lord! Ringing their mothers?! That is the height of performance illness.

No, he doesn't have a special 'poorly' voice. Thank fuck.

No dressing gown of doom. Although the poster whose husband wears a too big Oodie makes a good point of it being worse.

I tried repeatedly to make him go to bed because he was too poorly to be up, obviously. He eventually came to bed AFTER my perfectly healthy self. Around 11pm.

This morning I asked if he was well enough to go to work and he said sadly that he had no choice. I bet he's sitting and chatting and laughing with his colleagues. Then as he pulls into the driveway he'll re-arrange his face to be like someone who has the Black Death and come through the door barely able to utter a word, just croaking slightly.

I'm going to make his favourite dinner and say that he can't possibly want any, he's so ill. And then maybe leave a funeral parlour leaflet on his pillow.

OP posts:

planthelpadvice · 26/06/2023 17:31

I hope he's survived the day OP!

BlowMyBubbles · 26/06/2023 17:42

Oh god, I still have the rage from the last time DH had a cold. He spent the weekend heroically 'making it through', shuffling door frame to door frame where he'd let out an exaggerated sigh of exhaustion. Thankfully he was away with work after the weekend. I thought the torture was over. Nope, an entire week of almost hourly updates over text about every tiny ailment he was feeling.

FYI me and the kids also had the cold and managed to survive without dramatics.

AfraidToRun · 26/06/2023 18:03

I just tell mine to go to bed because he's sniffing and coughing is annoying me and off he goes and I say ill bring a lemsip up which I do.

ajandjjmum · 26/06/2023 18:32

DH is 'suffering' at the moment, and seems to follow me everywhere just to prove how much he is 'suffering'!!!

TheNewMeToday · 26/06/2023 19:21

I heard somewhere that a woman in labour is the closest she can get to a man flue experience, thought it’s still no as bad.

GalileoHumpkins · 26/06/2023 19:26

OakTreex · 26/06/2023 00:20

Oh lord. Why do they all do this? Another 'reasons I'm grateful to be single' point to add to my ever increasing list for the next time I think about dating a man!

My husband doesn't do this and never has, he just gets on with things if he's not feeling well or if he's really ill he'll go to bed and do what's necessary to look after himself.

twoandcooplease · 26/06/2023 22:07

My husband doesn't do this and never has, he just gets on with things if he's not feeling well or if he's really ill he'll go to bed and do what's necessary to look after himself.

No need to boast GalileoHumpkins we can't all have mature husbands who don't need mollycoddling!

Iloveacurry · 26/06/2023 22:14

Poor love. Did he survive his work day?

DreamTheMoors · 26/06/2023 22:18

Men are the real drama queens.

Peanutbutterandmarmalade64 · 26/06/2023 22:36

I have recently separated and relieved I no longer have to tolerate the twice hourly (minimum) symptom updates. Way too poorly to leave the sofa, I would provide the clearly visible array of medicine options, and tidy the pile of snotty tissues deposited on the floor, instead of the easily accessible waste receptacle. Such a relief I no longer need to pander to the man flu 🙂

LolaSmiles · 26/06/2023 22:42

This thread is gold!
Someone I know has the dressing gown of doom and I don't know how his wife hasn't handed him a grip or two yet.

Don't the symptoms of performative illness tend to ease off the second the children are in bed or there's limited fam/domestic responsibilities to be done? It's convenient timing.

TheGoddessFreyja · 26/06/2023 22:52

oh this does make me laugh 🤣 why do they do this!?

I remember a few years back Fiancé had pulled a muscle his back but suddenly his voice sounded like he was dying of the flu while laid up in bed 🤣🥲 did make me and the girls chuckle at work when I told them. I think their best acting skills come out when they are poorly.

Northernsouloldies · 26/06/2023 23:01

I'll admit to the ill voice, I didnae feel good.
Which Dw repeats in a pathetic voice back to mock me.
Which I admit I deserve. 😁

RicherThanYews · 26/06/2023 23:02

I don't know why he's doing the slipper shuffle if he's lamenting like a Victorian society lady on the sofa, his game is all over the place. Has he said he can't possibly eat anything but maybe a tiny morsel of cheeseburger and fries would perk him up yet ...

Original poster

WasIBad · 27/06/2023 19:09

Well, DP is still alive to tell the tale! Which he's doing at every opportunity.

OP posts:

BiscuitsandPuffin · 27/06/2023 19:15

WasIBad · 27/06/2023 19:09

Well, DP is still alive to tell the tale! Which he's doing at every opportunity.

Thank goodness! It sounds like a terrible near death experience that will stay with him until next time.

KingTriton · 27/06/2023 21:05

WasIBad · 27/06/2023 19:09

Well, DP is still alive to tell the tale! Which he's doing at every opportunity.

Oh god, so he's now on to performance repetition.

You poor thing having to listen to that tripe!

Original poster

WasIBad · 27/06/2023 22:56

Oh he was near death indeed. Absolutely.

He's improved today, but only to the extent that he is able to watch TV again, bless him. Hasn't actually left the sofa all day (day off work), I think he's watched about 9 episodes of Grey's Anatomy or something. At least the coughs and little moans have stopped. I have refused to indulge him. I've just had the odd "It's hot in here, isn't it?" Waiting for me to say no, so he can then claim that he has a fever. So of course I sweetly agree that it's terribly hot which removes his ability to claim said fever. The disappointment on his face......

You know what the really ironic thing is? He's a fucking DOCTOR...!!

OP posts:

planthelpadvice · 27/06/2023 22:58

OMG @WasIBad best drip feed ever 😂😂 He must know how serious it is then!! Better take it seriously.

ALongHardWinter · 27/06/2023 23:41

Sounds exactly like my son-in-law! He feels 'really ill' but won't go to bed,he just lays on the sofa so everyone can witness how much he's suffering.

MrsJellycat · 28/06/2023 00:13

I hear you, OP.

My DH has just got over a cold which seemed to go on forever. It's probably hayfever but he claims it was a cold. He was in a foul mood for the duration of said cold, but of course was still fine to go out with friends to the pub and to do hobbies

LunaTheCat · 28/06/2023 00:20

NeverTrustAPoliceman · 25/06/2023 22:38

I'm convinced men are like that because they don't have periods. They don't know how to crack on with life.

A friend and I once discussed what the world would be like if they had to cope with periods. It was a very depressing and exasperating thought.

If men had periods they would go to a special hospital once a month with nurses running around after them, they would be given morphine regularly every 4 hours, every bed would come with a Luxury Dressing Gown of Doom and 1000 count Egyptian Cotton Bedsheets .. they would be changed every time a spot blood appeared. The health services worldwide would be bankrupted.

Flatandhappy · 28/06/2023 00:23

Ok, I was chuckling reading this but actually spat my coffee when I read he’s a doctor!

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