WTF is wrong with me? 😭

[BrutusMcDogface]

I procrastinate so much. I feel like I just can’t move. The house is a complete mess and I have work to do (teacher) plus laundry etc and instead of just bloody doing it, I’m doom scrolling and watching the kids in the paddling pool. That’s not even an excuse, really, as they only just got in. I’ve had hours today where they’ve been entertaining themselves and I could have cracked on.

I’m so fed up with this cycle of achieving nothing and struggling with life because of it.

Help me please!

I don't know, I'm the same though. Have you tried setting a timer and tackling one area of housework at a time? No, neither have I because I haven't got round to it! 😭

Don't wait until you feel like it. Just do the tasks. Honestly you will feel better about yourself, so just start now.

Put your phone / tablet in a drawer.

It's the only way I get anything done these days. I'm more addicted to my phone than a teenager. It's insane.

I’m glad it’s not just me. Maybe we could support eachother! “Just do it” is easier said than done, so tell me, what should I do?! Haha!

I am going to go and get the load of laundry out of the machine and hang it up.

Maybe because it's hot and you're tired and need a break?
The fact that you are overloaded and struggling does't mean there is something wrong with you.
But put the phone down, and limit your time on it.
For now, put a load of washing on and go and chill with your kids in the pool until it's time to hang out the laundry. Then put on another load. It's too hot for housework so enjoy your DC and do a bit of work later when it's cooler.

I make a list in the notes bit of my phone everyday of jobs I need to do. Could be something as simple as posting a letter or could be clearing out cupboards, changing beds, ironing…..I list them then do the little ✔️ when I’ve completed it. I find it very satisfying to seeing the ticks at the end of the day. I find breaking the tasks in to smaller chunks helps too so instead of ‘clean kitchen’ I’ll do ‘clean fridge’ ‘clean oven’ ‘sort cupboards’ that way I get more ticks ✔️😂

Oh this is me.

Do you think you might have ADHD?! I am about to be assessed. Even if you don’t, it sounds like chronic disorganisation so the how to manage ADHD books will probably help.

A slob comes clean is good for housekeeping (am not saying you’re a slob). Minimal clutter. Slowly building up simple routines. Accepting it is harder for you. Oh, and buy a phone cage.

There's nothing wrong with you, it's hot, you're tired, you have kids and a stressful job and it's the weekend. It's awful that we can't have much needed down time without feeling guilty or conscious of the ever growing list of outstanding tasks. I am exactly the same though so unfortunately don't have any words of wisdom.

I write a losy of jobs to be done every half hour/ hour and allow myself to chill in between.

I really think I might have the inattentive part of ADHD and everything I read about it describes me to a tee, BUT I’m aware it’s a bit of a bandwagon at the moment and I did well at school so I’m worried that if I mention it to the GP I’ll just get laughed at. (Even if inwardly, as she’s lovely! I’m seeing her regularly because I’m on sertraline but I’m honestly wondering if that’s the wrong thing for me now.)

Love a ticklist! I’ve just hung out the laundry ✔️

Thank you all 💐

I'm a procrastinator to the extent it's full on self-sabotage. It affects my work mostly but also affects my sleep (I procrastinate about going to bed), housework etc. I am on a long waiting list having been referred for an ADHD assessment as I have other executive function issues.

Whereas in some areas I haven't managed to find anything that works to make me get things done, I do have a few routines re housework that work for me:

Laundry: I carry a pile of laundry down to the washing machine the first time I come downstairs in the morning and bung it in there.

At the weekend DD and I have a race to see who can put their clothes away first. We were drowning in clean laundry until we started doing this.

Clearing up/washing up: I now do this in the evening while DD is doing homework/getting ready for bed. By doing it then, I'm in a hurry to get it done so that I don't keep her waiting. Then after I've read a bedtime story and come back downstairs I'm not coming down to a messy kitchen so I'm more likely to do another job or to relax (relaxing is something I also procrastinate from doing) or to have time to phone the friend I've not made enough effort with etc. If I come downstairs to a messy kitchen in the evening I will sit reading shit on my phone to avoid sorting it. If I come down to a messy kitchen in the morning the whole day is doomed (I'm actually fastidious about washing up at the end of each day as it's disastrous for me to start the day facing a messy kitchen).

I am the same. I suspect I have ADHD. I messaged my doctor a year ago and they said to make an appointment, I haven’t done it yet, but sit thinking about constantly. I feel like I’m pretending at being a grown up to the outside world (I’m 50).

We sound similar, @ReallyShouldBeDoingSomethingElse (the user name is not lost on me!) Great tips, thank you! I can start with the load if laundry first thing in the morning. I’m trying to get my kids to declutter their clothes but they all love all of them 🙄 The house is drowning.

Do you mind me asking what other executive dysfunctions you have? I really do tick a lot of boxes.

I feel for you. Procrastinating about making the doctors appointment that’s in your best interests. 😔

many people with ADHD are extremely high achievers academically and there’s a lot of evidence about why women are suddenly all being diagnosed in our 30s/40s.

Just Google ADHD adult diagnosis women and you’ll see why.

it’s generally considered that if you’re an adult who feels you have ADHD, then you probably do.

it could also be a sign of perimenopause too.

again, lots of research showing that women are on antidepressants when they should be on HRT.

good luck - I’m exactly the same as you and I’m sure I have ADHD. I am also on HRT which has massively helped.

@SimplyReadHead you’ve just made me cry! I will definitely mention it to my GP when I see her. Thank you 🙏

Pick a time and a chore and at that time get up off your arse and go and do it till it's done. Then pick another time and chore and at that time get off your arse and do it till it's done. Repeat daily

Yea and I have ADHD, diagnosed as an adult! Much, much better for knowing and also being on meds. Reduces the ‘doom scrolling’ and procrastinating. If you’re going to your GP there’s a questionnaire you can fill in beforehand. I’ll link one below.

click where it says RTC and there’s a two page document. Helpful if you don’t have NHS provision for assessment in your area (applied to England only) and the questionnaire is there too. My GP was surprisingly supportive and open to referring me.

I don't know if these all fall under 'executive function' but I also struggle with:

• memory
• maintaining focus
• being able to concentrate on a conversation if there's other things going on around
• organisation
• lack of awareness of time passing
• misplacing things
• overwhelm at anything I've not done before (ie a new piece of work, or trying to do a DIY task)
• overwhelm at busy events/places
• sudden loss of ability to maintain my composure (this especially happens at busy places)
• find big social events absolutely draining after a very short time

some of these I have managed to put things in place to help but some a more difficult. I have started avoiding social situations in busy places that I know I won't cope with. For example - I can take DD to a busy place like a theme park and be ok if it's just her and I as she's very easy to look after and we'll do things at a chilled-out pace, but if I arrange to meet a friend with her kids at the theme park the combination of the busy place, parenting my DD making sure she's behaving with the kids she's with, keeping half an eye on my friend's kids because sometimes friend doesn't, whilst trying to socialise with friend who wants a chat, makes my brain burnout incredibly quickly and I reach a point where I snap.

As others have said, put the phone down. Put on sime goid music. I make a list so it makes sense

eg

1. washing

2. while washing is on put things away

3. then sweep/hoover

4. then mop

5. as you walk past skirting boards clean with a wipe

6. take washing out

7. spray cleaning fluid on sink/bath/ surfaces

8. wipe down

9. then mop once everything that can fall on the floor already has
   while floor is wet fold/iron

etc

Nothing is wrong with you at all.

There's a lot to keep on top of in life and a lot of it is boring.

Do you think it is more than the usual end of term/school year demob fever ? I was a teacher and the end of the school year was a hard time.

I'd say ADHD too, sounds like me - I've been like it for so many years I assumed I was just shit at coping and it was all my fault. Trouble is as you say OP there's a big thing about diagnosing ADHD at the moment and I don't know what the answer is. Have you done any research into ADHD?

I've got a goal list, its not a to do list (I have that as well) but I have 3 goals, only ever 3, they get decanted over from the to do list. So what 3 things can you do today?

I've downloaded the MS To Do app. I have lists for ongoing domestic admin, domestic chores, garden etc. I can also do daily task lists. Feel a bit more organised, now, and it's fun ticking them off.