WTF is wrong with me? 😭

[BrutusMcDogface]

I procrastinate so much. I feel like I just can’t move. The house is a complete mess and I have work to do (teacher) plus laundry etc and instead of just bloody doing it, I’m doom scrolling and watching the kids in the paddling pool. That’s not even an excuse, really, as they only just got in. I’ve had hours today where they’ve been entertaining themselves and I could have cracked on.

I’m so fed up with this cycle of achieving nothing and struggling with life because of it.

Help me please!

I am exactly the same, OP.

After reading this thread, (having spent the day doing nothing) I implemented my 'I'll just....' procedure. I say to myself, 'I'll just hoover the dog hair up in the hall.' And when I've done this, I say to myself, 'Well, the hoover is out now. I'll just hoover the livingroom.' And sometimes I'll stop after that, or I might think, 'I'll just wipe the sink in the downstairs loo' which invariably will lead to 'I'll just clean the loo as well, as I'm here with my gloves on and all.' Little jobs and the opportunity to duck out at any point helps me.

Some days I think, 'I'll just lie down and watch Netflix', so it doesn't always work.

I set myself a timer for 30
Minutes a room and see how much I get done per room and tbh once it's done I do feel better in myself! Also write a list of what needs doing per room & just tick them off once done x

Thanks again.

At 6.45pm I started cooking dinner for my kids (youngest of whom is only 4.) ffs 😔

Lots of this is me, too. A few things I’ve seen as well include not being able to tolerate two things on at once, like two of my kids listening to stuff on their phones or my partner having the tv and his phone on 😡

Also, I look at people and what they’re saying just doesn’t go in or make any sense whatsoever. I feel like when I’m talking to people I’m making up a load of rubbish. What’s this all about?!

Also I think the constantly losing things is because of the clutter that I can’t get rid of (try as I might) and my “out of sight, out of mind”. The number of times I’ve duplicated presents that my nephews have asked for for Christmas and I forget I’ve bought! It’s ridiculous. I’ve just put aside some birthday cards and Father’s Day cards that o forgot I bought and bought other ones.

Op - I am absolutely not qualified to diagnose you with anything but I have worked in the mental health field for almost 20 years.

it definitely seems like there is something about how your brain is working that is interfering with your everyday life.

It could be burnout / overwhelm, autism, ADHD, menopause, trauma - all sorts of things.

One thing is clear - it’s NOT because you are hopeless or lazy or stupid.

I would 100% recommend you talk to your GP about your executive function skills (Google will give you a list of what they are) as well as your brain freeze and other issues.

the fact that ADHD seems to be ‘all over the place’ at the moment is because there have been breakthroughs in research that show how it manifests itself in adult women and so many of us have gone ‘omg, that explains EVERYTHING about me!’.

It’s also a bit of ‘life algorithm’ - as soon as you start thinking about something, you start seeing it everywhere.

A diagnosis of something might really help you to learn how your brilliant brain works and how best to organise your life to play to your strengths (of which you definitely have lots!).

A drop in oestrogen can also make it harder to mask ADHD behaviour so that might be why it’s suddenly more noticeable (depending on how old you are).

Good luck - you are NOT losing your mind, you are brilliant - you just need to work out how your brain works and how to best work with it and not against it.

I do think that phones are also an issue, they suck the life out of you and the algorithms are designed to keep endlessly you scrolling. If I find myself getting sucked in, i delete all the apps I usually waste my time on for at least 2 weeks as a break and reset. I find myself getting so much more done and it certainly makes me feel happier and as a result more productive. I'm not saying that there isn't another underlying issue but starting with the phone is worth a try.

Rock the housework. There’s a 7 day free trial. You literally switch off, put your headphones in and do what she tells you to do. I find that it really helps heaving clear direction.

I can't help wondering whether you might have an iron deficiency or similar. Maybe speak to your GP and mention that you are in the doldrums and finding everything hard, and perhaps they will do a blood test to check everything is okay. It's worth ruling out a physical cause.

Nothing is wrong with you. I would first of all put the phone down and stop scrolling. This bloody thing is such a time thief. Second of all force yourself to do some things. You will feel better once they're done. You will remember the feeling and it should come easier next time. I also find helpful if I know that the task won't take longer than 10-15 minutes and can cross it off the list.

I have ADHD and I get this too. It's referred to as task paralysis, which I think is a very fitting name. As you say, you feel like you literally can't move. Being told "just do it!" really isn't helpful when you genuinely feel stuck. And it's almost like quicksand, the more you try to force yourself, the more stuck you feel.

Also "I can't have ADHD because I did well in school!" is an incredibly common narrative among undiagnosed adult women.

I don't have much advice, although one thing I find helpful regarding tasks like housework is to listen to music. If I put on upbeat music that I simply can't sit still to, it helps to get me off my ass.

Another thing I find helpful is to break tasks down into smaller tasks. If you have work you need to do on your computer, for example, make the first task simply to sit at your computer. When I have to do something that requires multiple steps, that tends to be a trigger for task paralysis.

Thank you 🙏
I think I might quit my job. Anyone any ideas of jobs after teaching?! Haha. Thanks for the recommendations 😊

I mean for rock the housework etc

I work M-F as a single parent. I try to load the washing machine and dishwasher before I leave in the morning.
I iron every Sunday and Wednesday to keep on top of what’s needed for school uniform etc.
I also try and do one 15 minute job a day… might be the front of the kitchen cupboards, or steam mopping 3 floors etc. Just a small bite sized bit that I can manage to keep on top of things

I'm the same op. I get so overwhelmed with how much there is to do that I just do none of it. Would be far more sensible to set small targets and work through them gradually but I just don't and I couldn't even tell you why.

I relate to so much of this. I don't know if it is ADHD, peri menopause or the Covid mindshift, but so much resonates. I function much better without huge amounts of demands, but also florid under a medium amount of pressure

Oh OP go see your doctor.
I feel exactly the same and some of these posts have really resonated with me.
For years I've beaten myself up and called myself lazy and useless. I used to wonder if I should go to the doctors but then I'd think, they will also just think I'm wasting their time because I'm just lazy.

Then I read a thread on here about a woman who couldn't sign her kid's reading record and she didn't understand why, and one poster said Just do it! It's not hard! But other posters said go to the doctor, your not lazy there's something else going on!

So I thought maybe I'm actually not lazy and I made an appointment and I felt a fool telling her that I couldn't even do the most simple of tasks because I felt like I was paralysed, but she was really understanding and did mention ADHD but for now I'm signed up to an online CBT course with a supporter and prescribed vitamin D because she did blood tests and I was low.

I challenge myself to see how much I can get done first thing in the morning before DD goes to school. Believe it or not, that 40 minutes or so covers most of the daily chores which means come the evening, all I absolutely HAVE to do is cook and clean up from dinner.

I have ADHD and I get this too. It's referred to as task paralysis, which I think is a very fitting name. As you say, you feel like you literally can't move. Being told "just do it!" really isn't helpful when you genuinely feel stuck. And it's almost like quicksand, the more you try to force yourself, the more stuck you feel.
@yellowsmileyface that just made me feel a bit tearful. It describes exactly how I feel. I am the one always saying to myself "Just do it!" And I literally feel paralysed.
I spend so much time hating myself for it. This thread has made me feel quite emotional that there are people who understand.

I've got ADD (since I was 13). I'm like this. I still struggle loads but something that helps to motivate me hugely to do tasks (putting washing away, doing the washing up etc) is to put a video on YouTube to watch/listen to as I'm doing it. I'm currently obsessed with putting on 3 hour criminal interrogations of suspects on whilst I do housework 🤣 I really struggle with the boredom aspect of these things so having something that makes it more enjoyable really helps.

Not a healthy tip but I also sometimes pour a glass of wine in the evening, get the music on and just smash out a load of housework or life admin for a couple of hours. 😭

It's shit. I'll also just remind that a diagnosis and medication etc does not stop this from happening - not that it isn't worth a diagnosis if you suspect you have it, but I think sometimes people think a diagnosis and medication will allow them to function completely different and that's not the case. I think I'll always struggle to do basic things.

I’ve found myself doing the same but I found a good tip where you set a timer for an hour and crack on with everything. Also set achievable targets, I do most of it when the kids are in bed and do the laundry during the day and also hoovering but my room and downstairs gets left until bedtime. I tend to declutter at bedtime too because it’s so much easier to maintain the housework if there’s not loads of clutter. I declutter every week (one day/ few hours per evening) of one room. Check out Allie casazza she is amazing for decluttering. It honestly makes the housework so much easier if there’s less clutter.

I think a diagnosis and/or medication if it’s appropriate for me, would make me accept the way I am more and stop (lessen?) the self loathing and the constant thought of: “Other people can do it; why can’t I?”

💐 again for those who need them.

Done is better than perfect. Make a list of those big tasks and divide them into smaller ones, then cross them off the list when done.

You don't have to do 100 % ever day, it can be 75% , 55%, 45% or sometimes if you can't you can't

It's normal to be sluggish and for things to take a bit longer, especially summer