Do you wear what you want and feel confident ?

[Nousername94]

just been shopping online for a new dress for a wedding and it’s made me realise I’m not sure I’ll feel comfortable or happy in anything. I normally live in leggings and tops all year round and never dress up for anything.
I have another two stone to lose so I always tell myself once I’ve lost the weight then I can buy nicer clothes but not until then as I feel too fat in everything.
because of my size I am very embarrassed to wear certain things and prefer to cover up but I’m only in my late twenties and feel I am wasting time hating on my body/appearance and should learn to wear whatever I like.
Does anyone else feel the same? Or are you just confident in wearing whatever you like at whatever size?

[yogasaurus]

I’ve been running and eating less carbs for this reason. I had been buying clothes to hide myself. I’ve come to the dad realisation that it’s not the clothes; I feel happy in anything when I’m slim and not happy in anything when I feel overweight.

Sad but true.

[yogasaurus]

*sad realisation!

[ComtesseDeSpair]

Yes. The random thoughts inside the heads of total strangers are worth the square root of fuck all. I pass random mental thoughts about other people’s appearances all the time, we all do. Nothing happens, they don’t spontaneously combust or disintegrate because somebody is privately thinking something. In turn, it’s of no consequence to me if others pass thought about the way I look or dress, so I don’t worry about it.

[Nousername94]

@ComtesseDeSpair

Yes. The random thoughts inside the heads of total strangers are worth the square root of fuck all. I pass random mental thoughts about other people’s appearances all the time, we all do. Nothing happens, they don’t spontaneously combust or disintegrate because somebody is privately thinking something. In turn, it’s of no consequence to me if others pass thought about the way I look or dress, so I don’t worry about it.

I wish I was that confident

[WafflingDreamer]

I wear what I want, I definitely don't feel particularly confident but it's probably frowned on to go out naked so I have to wear something. I have absolutely no fashion sense, I can't tell if colours look good together or how to put together an outfit. I'm very overweight and very tall so I don't think anything looks particularly good on me.

I like wearing dresses in summer as I don't need to think of what else to wear with it

[Nousername94]

@WafflingDreamer

I wear what I want, I definitely don't feel particularly confident but it's probably frowned on to go out naked so I have to wear something. I have absolutely no fashion sense, I can't tell if colours look good together or how to put together an outfit. I'm very overweight and very tall so I don't think anything looks particularly good on me.

I like wearing dresses in summer as I don't need to think of what else to wear with it

This sounds so much like me too

[persisted]

I was similar to you, had depression and ended up very overweight in my late 20s. I eventually realised two things: Firstly - I am the size I am. Wearing horrible black clothes does not disguise that and makes me feel worse. So I might as well get something pretty that I like.
Secondly - if someone else's biggest problem is the size of my arse then good for them. I have other things to worry about.
Helped me feel a bit better and start focusing on what I liked rather than what I thought others expected.

[ASGIRC]

I have about 2st to lose (would be happy with 1, though), and I wear whatever I want.

I am 40, but dress as colourful as possible, plenty of dresses and skirts as well. No skirt longer than mid thigh/above the knee, as Im fairly short, and a knee length skirt would cut me in half!

Because I am a bit overweight, and have some flab, I wear mostly skater dresses and A skirts. Nothing that really hugs my mid section, as it then gets a bit disguised! Big fan of the now back in fashion wideleg/flare trousers!

[BunnyBettChetwynnd]

I've always worn what I want and not worried about what other people think. I'm an old punk so I grew up being looked at, judged and found wanting and I quite liked that.

For many years I've been about three stone overweight and have carried on with my 'wear what I want' style. Recently though I've lost the weight (for health reasons ) and realise how different I feel - so much more confident.

So happy though that I didn't wait until I was the right BMI to wear what I like otherwise I'd have wasted more than a decade feeling bad about myself and the clothes I wore.

[WonderfulUsername]

Yes, I'm 54 and I always feel confident in what I wear, although I'm not overweight but my body has changed shape a bit.

[Lottapianos]

'I pass random mental thoughts about other people’s appearances all the time, we all do'

Oh me too. And whether I love someone's outfit or hate it, I rarely spend more than 5 seconds on it. So many women are FAR too hard on themselves and far too critical about their appearance

I love clothes, I love colour and I love pattern. What I wear is very important to me, not that I expect anyone else to give a fig! I do get compliments often from friends and colleagues and that's always lovely. I have an occasional crisis of confidence about an outfit but then I remind myself what's the worst that can happen? Someone doesn't like my outfit? I realise I don't like it either and decide not to wear it again? Big deal. Move on. It's absolutely worth the risk to me

[KnitFastDieWarm]

I’m a size 16-20 depending on the shop and I wear whatever the fuck I want. My body is healthy and strong and climbs mountains and bears children for me - I love it. I am completely
unconcerned by what anyone else may thinks about my body. It doesn’t even enter my head.

[KnitFastDieWarm]

as an example - i went to a wedding last week wearing a backless, skin-tight dress. I looked and felt (though i say so myself) fucking fabulous 😁

Life is too short OP - you only get one body, love it and appreciate it and dress it beautifully in a way that makes you smile.

[BunnyBettChetwynnd]

@KnitFastDieWarm If your outfit was half as good as your user name you must have looked bloody amazing.

[Nic1435]

I just want to say that I've heard from
People close to me that have been different weights from small to large - regardless if they was small or large they still have that insecurity!

Same as me, I'm a size 10, probably biggest 14 and honestly still not comfortable. I'm thinking about starting gym and taking all of that seriously, but I know 100% we will still find faults. Live your life, if you think About what strangers think I've always said to myself I will never see them again so who cares. Just try and be as comfortable as you can xxxx

[Hunkyd0ry]

I usually feel like this but I am going to a wedding later in the month and bought a dress on vinted (so it wasn’t too expensive if I don’t like it). But I love it! It’s short sleeved (so my arms are hidden) and I feel good in it. I always wear stripy tops, loose shorts etc and don’t care about my appearance - then really panic at an event as I don’t know how to wear make up or make myself like any better- but this dress is making me look forward to the event.

Hope this helps- you’re not alone!

[Gateappreciation]

I B feel more confident since I got a style analysis done a couple of years back. It confirmed I’m a pear and Dave be pointers in what styles of clothing I should wear, including things I’d never. I did considered before. Also got my colour analysis done at the same time.

The two together has made this middle aged, overweight person more confident in what I wear. I now gave more hits then misses and get more compliments, plus am a bit more adventurous in what I wear (not outrageous, just try new styles etc).

I also learnt that tomorrow never comes, and it’s no point having a dress in the wardrobe- just wear it.

[Gateappreciation]

Gave me pointers (whose Dave?)

[Nic1435]

@Hunkyd0ry

I bet you will look amazing! As long as you feel it that's all that matters! Enjoy your time! Sending love ❤️xx

[HarpyValley]

Sometimes I feel confident, sometimes less so. Sometimes the better days coincide with when I’ve lost a few pounds, sometimes they don’t. Sometimes I feel like I know what works well for my height and shape and feel “together”; other days I feel like I dressed by running past a committee of blind people throwing random clothes at me.

[WeightoftheWorld]

Yes I feel the same. I'm not overweight, never have been, so I think your weight might be a red herring here tbh I think it's a more complex thing than you'll just suddenly feel great if you lose the weight.

I hate clothes shopping, I do find it difficult to find things I like especially for the summer because I won't wear anything low cut/super short/sheer/underwear on show and also have a very low budget and the cheapest clothes seem to be at least one of those things...but I also just feel generally anxious that I look frumpy/rubbish/will have a wardrobe malfunction or whatever. I don't really get this in winter as like you I just wear t shirts/tunic tops, jeans/leggings and jumpers/hoodies. But summer it's more complicated, same with very rare time I go somewhere that I should look nicer for.

Actually the one place I don't worry about how I look is work tbh.

[Lifeetc]

I wear black covered up as much as possible, plain boring invisible-ness

[Lifeetc]

My "uniform" has been the same ( replaced like for like) for over 20 years

[bakewellbride]

I wear what I want and feel happy and confident but like everyone have my insecurities in other areas!

Also I might be slim but I'm teetotal, vegetarian, a regular runner and careful with what I eat. I'm very happy like this but accept it might be miserable for someone else!

[Highlandhome]

I'm a size 20 and have done quite a bit of "head" work on myself the last few years, and here's a couple of things to ponder. I say "head" because I honestly feel I need to get my attitude right, before I ever work on my body.

1. What are you "confident" about - or rather not? I find "confidence" is a term used for people of a certain weight / size and is supposed to re-inforce societal views that only people of certain (smaller) sizes should wear certain items. As a society, we don't tend to comment on the "confidence" of our smaller-sized friends wearing short / form-fitting / whatever clothing.
2. Will you honestly magically feel different after one, then two, stone weight loss? What if you don't feel transformed because you feel you should lose more still, or haven't lost it from where you want? Will you hold off buying more clothes still?
3. Why can't you buy clothes now - that fit you, that you like, that work for you now? No-one's suggesting spending a fortune - but buy them now, wear them, and yay if you lose weight in the future sell the clothes & buy new.
4. You're definitely not alone in feeling this way - but that doesn't mean you need to accept feeling this way.
5. No-one pays you anywhere near the attention you think they might.
6. Find folk on social media who look like you - what do they wear? What do you like about their style? Not suggesting you need to be wearing cropped tops / skin-tight / plunging necklines / not covering whatever you feel needs hidden or be an exact replica.

Please don't wasting any more time hating what you look like. I'm learning to move away from leggings & over-sized tops, but I understand why we might be drawn to them. But if a completely different style for the wedding outfit is unthinkable right now, take baby steps - what about a tunic-style dress & tights, or a v-neck rather than round, "dress up" your normal outfits with different shoes / accessories / make-up, trousers & top or jumpsuit rather than dress??

If you need advice on body shape, particularly as it changes, I'd recommend checking out Nessa Cronin on Instagram. She talks much more than just "apple" or "pear" and never says "you can't wear" something, but tries to get you to understand what wearing different styles can do for you - not for other people's opinions.

Anywhichway .... enjoy the wedding!