Help! I am catching my feelings for my casual hook up guy….

[Lon3ly2k23]

As the title says… I went on a date about 6 weeks ago with this guy and we hit it off. I’ve since seen him probably average once a week and I think I have become emotionally attached.

I haven’t asked what we are, or where it’s going. I feel like I am getting mixed messages, but generally I do think it’s a casual hook up from his part. We just hang out and have sex basically.

How do I stop myself from being hurt? I can see this ending in tears and I don’t know what to do. Should I ask him are we dating? Are we not? What’s he looking for? And so forth….

You know the answer to this one. End it. You will get hurt xx

Tbh, I'd tell him how I felt, have a conversation about it and then walk away if he doesn't feel/want the same.

It won't hurt asuch after 6 weeks as it will do after 6onths when your self esteem will have been eroded too.

Walk away. Was he clear from the start he wanted something casual?
If so, the goal posts may have changed for you but not for him.

Just tell him how you feel. Ask what he sees this set up as.

It's a hookup. If you expect a hookup, and then it's done, it's ok. It's good that you fancy him but at this stage you don't really know him. It doesn't have to end in tears if you don't expect a glorious relationship, and understand that hookups start intense and then fizzle out.

Yes I know what I need to do 🥺 but I do think I’ll ask him first what he wants as we’ve never had that conversation…

Well perhaps you need to have that conversation!

Hook up with someone else, just to give your head a noddle

How did you meet and get it together? Was it agreed it was just a hook up from the start?
If it was, then you shouldn't really expect much else.
If it wasn't, then maybe it's got potential for something more and you're both not saying it yet

Im in the exact same situation. Spent this morning quite upset as I finally asked and he doesn’t want anything more than once a week/every 2 weeks and just a hang out and sex.
So, I’ve sent the goodbye message and ended it but I’m really fucking hurt.

Just get out before it gets worse.

I married my FWB so it can happen

If all you're doing is having sex, what 'real' things have happened for you to fall for?... I mean, have you talked much, joked, gone out and enjoyed each others time, dinners, events?- actual getting to know him stuff.

If none of the above, then this sounds like lust, as you haven't had the opportunity to find emotional attachments, just physical ones...

I'm engaged to my FWB and we've just moved in together. It was obvious very early on we both had feelings.

@whatchagonnado we met on bumble. I vaguely remember talking about what we wanted on our first date and we both seemed to be on the same page about wanting something more than casual. But everything since has been casual / hook up behaviour.

@Readyplayerthr33 I sorry to hear that, I hope you are okay. You’ve done the right thing though and I think I’ll be in your shoes soon.

@C1N1C there has been a lot of sex but we’ve talked quite a lot when physically together. We had our first date which was drinks out and also went for dinner once. He always stays at mine too.

It’s a bit confusing so I am just going to ask him I think.

"I haven’t asked what we are, or where it’s going. I feel like I am getting mixed messages, but generally I do think it’s a casual hook up from his part. We just hang out and have sex basically."

I think you should just state how you want things to go and see if he agrees - you don't have to hang around hoping/waiting like someone in a Jane Austen novel.

I've done the whole "will he? won't he?" thing myself so often, so no criticism, it's just annoys me that men have so much power over us in these situations.

I was in same situation and we were going out for dinner weekly and talking for hours.
I fell for him.
After wondering for months, I finally asked him one night if he ever saw us getting into a proper relationship or it was just sex for him with company
He said it was fun for him and nothing else.
Broke my heart and I didn’t have the courage to stop it so carried on for another year.
Then I finally realised he would never change his mind and broke it off. He wasn’t that fussed.
I am married now and have children but I still sometimes wonder “what if…” as I really fell for him
I should have had the courage to ask earlier and break it off quicker
Ask the question op but protect your heart and finish it now if he doesn’t feel the same

With DP I made it clear I was having fun but was really looking for something long term, he decided he didn't want me to go looking for someone else and the rest is history.

Update with this. Feel like he’s blowing so hot then cold with me. One day he’s messaging me and calling me, and then the next I don’t hear anything. I haven’t heard from him since Monday evening. Should I message him again or just leave him to it?

Leave him to it

I am just annoyed that I sent the last message 😩

Leave him to it and move on. Easy way out of what could have become messy for you.

When he eventually gets around to deciding he wants a booty call again wish him well but tell him it didn't seem to be going anywhere so you've moved on.

Let him go . Plenty of fish in the sea and all that

Thanks all. I know this isn’t a good situation for me to be in but I have a scarcity mindset and we’ve slept together loads so I am feeling a bit hurt now.