Urgent decision to make: Adhd and boarding school - those with ADHD or who have / had a child with ADHD board

[inabind83]

I could really do with your thoughts and experience, as I need to make a decision in the next couple of weeks.

My 13 year old son has ADHD. He is on medication and it certainly eases things but he remains very disorganised and obviously wears off after 12 hours so evenings are fairly chaotic because he’s so easily distracted. Intensive parenting is required to get him out the door to school every morning (I drive him as 6 miles away). It is EXHAUSTING for me and we very often clash.

He is very bright and sporty. Consequently he has been offered a very sizeable scholarship to a boarding school. It is ideal in so many respects. Only an hour away, so I can visit and he can come home regularly, it’s got spectacular facilities, superb pastoral care and, most importantly, my son is DESPERATE to go.

i am a single parent (mother) in a small flat, and he struggles in this environment and will only even more as he grows and puberty really kicks in.

BUT I worry so much about him boarding. Great pastoral care but this is not by any stretch a special school for ND children.

Added to which, it is co Ed. And I worry hugely about my very easily distracted boy being even more distracted!!

and to throw a further issue in to the equation…. He has a place at a boys grammar school on the table also. This is local. Boys only. Also sporty and very academic. Issue is - he would be at home, small flat, single mother and the difficulties and exhaustion involved with organising him and consequent clashes would continue.

please help!

Medication - my child is on elvanse which lasts about 10 hours. She also takes intuniv which is a non stimulant medication which lasts about 20-22 hours ( supposed to last 24 hours). With careful timing both meds can last 24 hours. Intuniv not as good as elvanse in terms of concentration but definitely helps with hyperactivity and makes her behaviour a lot more bearable. Takes elvanse on waking and then intuniv at 4.30pm. so when elvanse wears off intuniv kicks in and when intuniv wears off the elvanse holds her behaviour. Well worth considering this for your son. She also takes melatonin to help with sleeping.

Hope this helps. Xx

Just some thoughts....

1. Grammar school place will not be available if you don't take it now. Boarding school will be possible at any stage to be honest, they always have spaces and families move around. So you could start with Grammar and if that does not work out, move to Boarding.
2. If you choose Grammar school, you could get an after school tutor (SpLd ideally) to help with homework completion, so that it does not impact your relationship with your child. Tutor will also be able to provide you an independent opinion on your son's way of learning, his SEN needs and whether he will be able to handle the organisation part of independent learning required at boarding school.
3. Ask boarding school how prep is handled. Supervised prep (which is what usually is offered) means that the whole year/class have someone supervising them, but they will not be necessarily helping individual pupils too much.
4. Ask boarding school who their Head of SEN and Head of Pastoral report to. They both need to have a lot of weight at school and be part of the leadership team in order to have the right processes in place to help children with SEN needs.

Hope this helps a bit.

Planning on going through all responses today with a fine tooth comb.
invaluable
thank you

I’m going to speak to his consultant about this today! Thank you

I see that Solome mentioned getting an after-school tutor, SpLD ideally. I wondered if any of you know how one would go about finding such a tutor. I'm not the OP but I think such a tutor would be helpful for my child... don't know where to start looking.

You can look on www.patoss-dyslexia.org

You can search by area and specify, for example study skills. These tutors will have relevant qualifications.

There are also many dyslexia/ adhd charities, which might point in the right direction.

There are also executive functions coaches that might help with teaching specific skills
www.connectionsinmind.com

I was a matron for 3 years in a boy's boarding house. One of my boys had ADHD but he was fine at school. I think he had a VERY over protective/mollycoddling mum and it did him good being away and gaining independence.

My house parent and deputy were great too and would have been there for him incase of issues but there was nothing major anyway.

So from my experience and what you've said about your son/the school, I would say go for it!

And I should add that I loved being a matron and I liked the whole boarding set up. Obviously it wouldn't suit every child in the world but from my perspective it was a positive experience for the kids.

I have twin boys who are 13 years old who both have ADHD and are both on the verge only being expelled from main stream high school due to behavioural problems. A boarding school is on the cards should they be expelled due to home life and school life becoming impossible.
should I look for a special boarding school or normal boarding school considering their needs? Thanks

I don’t know. I would at least look at Bruern Abbey. Headmaster there is superb. If it’s not the school for your boys, you could ask headmaster for suggestions.

Your son sounds so much like mine OP. In the same circumstances he would also want to go to boarding school. And I would be worried for exactly the same reason! I would let him go I think, as long as they were fully aware of his challenges and that they would need to consider his particular needs. I’m aware that I very much manage my son’s behaviour and to some extent it is necessary. However I’m aware too that he needs to manage his own behaviour and learn skills and strategies to do so.

What did you decide OP?

I am in a similar predicament. I am erring towards boarding as my DH has ADHD has is adamant that unless he had boarded, family life would have been traumatic and he would have got in to trouble during the teen years. He sayes that you are are preoccupied at boarding school, that the ADHD doesn’t have so much opportunity to cause mischief!

but he’s my youngest and whist he is very very keen - I am… concerned how he will fare.

any thoughts from parents of adhd boarders or non boarders?

Bump

Hi, several thoughts here:
have you spoken to adhd prescribing team if the dose is adequate?
has he had enough time to learn organisational skills while on meds? Scaffolding the transition from you doing everything to him taking on that responsibility?
which school would he enjoy/prefer?
worth trying the boarding school-decision reversible if really not happy

Op, my son is 15.

without boarding, I honestly dread to think how a) our relationship would have developed and b) how unhappy he would be at a state day school finishing mid afternoon.

all that unstructured time is dangerous when it comes to ADHD teens. And homework? Forget it.

Whereas as boarding school - structured prep time overseen. Specific jobs .

After school… so much sport and NO computer games.

He comes home one weekend in 4, and by the end of it…. He’s restless and agitated and sort of floats around aimlessly.

Boarding quite simply saved him and us as a family

What type of boarding school did he go to! Was it a specialist boarding school for children with ADHD?

Mine? Not adhd boarding school
Mainstream school with good sen department

I’d love to hear more thoughts on this issue as similar scenario I’m grappling with

Hi there. DD1 was a weekly boarder. The school sorted an organisational tutor for her, which was life changing. It got her through the IB and university, and she still organised her life this way. She’s now 24 and working, diagnosed ADHD at school aged 17.