Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

What could this payment be for.....

27 replies

shouldistayorno · 20/06/2023 17:26

So.... long story short, I believe that my partner has used a private investigator. I have proof of this I think, but I can't share how I know.

It only cost £150, so for this I am expecting the input to be minimal? I mean...its probably not even half a days work for this.

Has anyone used one before? What would you expect this to be for?

What would you do now?!?!?! Confront them?

OP posts:
stbrandonsboat · 20/06/2023 17:33

Do lots of suspicious stuff to wind them up?

determinedtomakethiswork · 20/06/2023 17:48

What does he think he is investigating? Is he a controlling person? Is he paranoid?

Flickersy · 20/06/2023 17:50

"What could this payment be for?"

<Gives no information.>

£150 could be anything OP. A deposit for holiday accommodation, the dentist, gambling, new shoes, a subscription to a magazine. If you "think" you have proof then just ask him.

Original poster
shouldistayorno · 20/06/2023 23:30

I have proof that it’s been paid to a private investigation company… I’m wondering if anyone has ever used one before and what type of “services” £150 would get you nowadays.

it doesn’t seem like a lot for what I thought was an expensive industry.

OP posts:
Fizzadora · 20/06/2023 23:34

Well presumably he's either been investigating you or he is having an affair and is investigating his affair partner.
I don't have sufficient imagination to think of anything else so probably not very helpful.

Bluejumperzip · 20/06/2023 23:36

if you can see the payment and you know it’s to a PI, can you see what other services they offer? Because it doesn’t sound like enough to investigate an affair. Is your partner suspicious you are having an affair? Is there anything else it could be eg are they adopted, did a parent abandon them, did a parent have an affair or anything like that?

ComtesseDeSpair · 20/06/2023 23:39

At that price it sounds more like a search and locate for an out of touch individual. Estranged relative, old friend, former client who owes money etc. I presume there’s a huge backstory which means that your first thought was to presume an investigator has been hired to stalk you?

ElizaWinter · 20/06/2023 23:41

Might be a deposit for services yet to be paid for.

MotherNatureisaTERF · 20/06/2023 23:42

That sort of price would probably be for a simple background check?

Original poster
shouldistayorno · 21/06/2023 08:39

Yes I had thought a simple thing such as an address maybe..... its most definitely not for worries of an affair from my side. But I also think it could be for an address just down to the low cost. Going to have to do some more digging of things around that date I think! thanks all for your help.

I tried contacting them but sadly was told they were "unable to help with my query" so I clearly took the wrong route when investigating myself. Jeeeeez.

Must do better to be sleuthing!!!!

OP posts:
Original poster
shouldistayorno · 21/06/2023 08:42

I'd love to hear your suggestions about winding them up if they were following me hahaha do I go round a roundabout 4 times and be a rebel?
Double back on myself when get coffee?😅😂
I'm not too concerned at the mo but I am intrigued.

OP posts:
MissingMoominMamma · 21/06/2023 08:44

Yeah, I’d ask your partner!!

IDontWantToBeAPie · 21/06/2023 08:48

Well there are two ways I'd go about it:

  1. ask partner

  2. use a friends phone to call the PI and ask about what services they offer as a 'potential customer'. Ask what they do on the lower end of the pay scale and see if anything adds up.

steppemum · 21/06/2023 08:53

well I'd come at this from the other side.

What do you think he is looking for?
Is he suspicious of an affair?
Is there someone else (eg birth mother, long lost sibling) that he may be trying to trace?

What makes you think it was you that he was investigating?

darkmodeon · 21/06/2023 08:55

What are you up to that he might be investigating?

Original poster
shouldistayorno · 21/06/2023 09:01

I don't think he was investigating me at all- I think likely its me who should be concerned in what he is looking at rather than the other way round?

Maybe there's a child or woman I don't know about.
Maybe my brain is on overload and absolutely going wild because I know its not really normal behaviour to hire a PI services for the general population so its a little wild isnt it.

OP posts:
Original poster
shouldistayorno · 21/06/2023 09:02

IDontWantToBeAPie · 21/06/2023 08:48

Well there are two ways I'd go about it:

  1. ask partner

  2. use a friends phone to call the PI and ask about what services they offer as a 'potential customer'. Ask what they do on the lower end of the pay scale and see if anything adds up.

Absolutley tried this myself but got told they "couldnt help with my query" eeeek

And i think if i approach again at another angle its likley to be suspicious. How frustrating!

OP posts:
Verite1 · 21/06/2023 09:04

At that sort of low cost I would guess search and locate or very brief background check on someone. Does he have his own business by any chance?

GracePalmer33 · 21/06/2023 09:14

I would literally just ask my husband outright, "husband, what's this payment to a private investigator for? Please can you explain...". I wouldn't think twice about asking and I would expect him to tell me honestly.

But if it's not that easy to just ask him in your relationship I am guessing there are other issues already...

ComtesseDeSpair · 21/06/2023 10:36

I’ve used an investigative service a couple of times for very simple things like locating somebody and obtaining contact details. Twice for money owed situations and once it really was as daft as wanting to locate somebody who had bought my now-rare motorbike a few years previously because I wanted to find out if they were interested in selling it back to me (£95+VAT well spent, they were.)

Despite the popular imagery, PIs are used far more for the prosaic every day locating, identifying and background check stuff than they are for wearing a disguise to covertly follow people around to discover secret affairs etc. If I saw this on DH’s bank statement I’d just make a jokey, “Ooh, secret squirrels, who are you trying to track down?!” remark, there’s clearly a backstory here about why you wouldn’t just ask your OH the same.

mindutopia · 21/06/2023 10:59

I used a private investigator once. It was to confirm a history of criminal convictions related to a family member. I had suspicions about this person's past (they were related to me by marriage, so had a lot of years out there doing god knows what before they married into the family). I had found evidence via google that this family member had been to court and my solicitor friend confirmed that the particular court dealt with criminal not civil/divorce cases. So I hired a PI to find out the exact nature of the case and the convictions. This was outside the UK, so I didn't have the same sorts of options through Sarah's/Clare's Law.

I paid £100 and she pulled his criminal record and records from court and wrote up a bit of a summary of what the information meant so I could understand it. This was someone who previously had contact with my children and I discovered he had a history of child sex offences in this other country.

For £150 in today's money, I would assume this is a charge for something similar, something more administrative, not someone who is actually following someone around. Do you have reason to believe that your dh is surveilling you?! Could there be a different explanation? Honestly, I did all of this without telling my dh because I didn't want to jump the gun and catastrophise until I had proof of what I thought I'd found. I would have felt awful if he found out about the PI and thought I was watching him instead.

steppemum · 21/06/2023 11:03

This thread is becoming fascinating for the stories of people hiring a PI and why.

More please 😁

EllaRaines · 21/06/2023 11:05

From a U.K. Private Investigation company -

'Our personal family tracing service starts from £150 + VAT for a Standard Trace within the UK. Our standard tracing service generally takes 15-20 days to complete, however, we do have other speeds of service if your request is urgent. We generally ask for a portion of the fee upfront (non-refundable) to cover the costs of research and administration, with the remaining portion to be paid only if we are able to locate your subject.'

EllaRaines · 21/06/2023 11:06

Cohos he be looking for a half sibling or an absent parent?

Or an ex lover?

MeinKraft · 21/06/2023 11:09

Yeah it'll be a trace, they're about £150. Is he self employed?