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Original poster

Would you go to this wedding?

35 replies

sunshinetheme · 20/06/2023 12:24

So I've been invited to an old friend's hen do and wedding later this year. We were close at secondary school and then she moved away with her family when we were 16. I visited her a couple of times and she came back to our hometown once I think too. I reckon I last saw her about 8/9 years ago & we text maybe a couple of times a year so fair to say the hen do invite was a bit of a surprise, albeit a nice one.

I'm going to the hen which is in September, another old friend (B) is also going and I also know the bride's Mum and sisters, they're all lovely so all good there.

The thing I'm slightly worrying about is that I have recently found out I am pregnant and by the time of the wedding I will be 7-8 months along. The wedding is a 3 hour drive away and I would most likely have to travel alone as my husband isn't invited - I think this is totally fair by the way, they don't know each other, in fact I've never met the groom either.

Another (maybe silly) worry is that the only people I will know at the wedding is the bride, her 2 sisters and Mum. I'm not sure whether B will attend as she lives about 3 and a half hours away from the venue and doesn't drive. I couldn't even pick her up on the way as it's a totally different direction and would end up about an 8 hour 1 way trip!

I do want to go and support my friend, we were close at school and I really think being invited to everything was so lovely but at the same time this is my first baby so I'm not really sure what to expect in that stage of pregnancy whether this is doable or will be too much?

OP posts:
WonderDays · 20/06/2023 12:28

Does B live near you, could you go together?

greyhairnomore · 20/06/2023 12:34

WonderDays · 20/06/2023 12:28

Does B live near you, could you go together?

I'm not sure whether B will attend as she lives about 3 and a half hours away from the venue and doesn't drive. I couldn't even pick her up on the way as it's a totally different direction and would end up about an 8 hour 1 way

midnights0 · 20/06/2023 12:34

I'd assume your staying in a hotel? Maybe have you DH come too, but stay at the hotel, so at least you know he's close by and you're not alone driving, after the wedding etc

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Original poster
sunshinetheme · 20/06/2023 12:34

@WonderDays That was my initial thought but B lives about a 4 hour drive away in a different direction to the wedding. Her parents live near me but it would be a very long journey for her to come back here, then for us to go to the wedding together and then the same on the way back home.

OP posts:
lavagal · 20/06/2023 12:37

No I wouldn't go personally. Priorities change around that time

massivesalads · 20/06/2023 12:40

I know this doesn't help in anyway but I find it odd that your husband isn't invited!

I could understand if it was a boyfriend who you haven't been with tor long but your husband?!

massivesalads · 20/06/2023 12:40

Also I probably wouldn't go if you'll be heavily pregnant, I don't think it will be very enjoyable.

MargotBamborough · 20/06/2023 12:42

I wouldn't go in those circumstances, I'd just send my apologies and a nice gift.

dinoice · 20/06/2023 12:44

I think it's lovely you are attending a hen for someone you have not seen for years.

Even sending a card and a gift and doing neither would be lovely.

Both will cost money, you will be heavily pregnant, and have no idea how you will feel.

I would not go.

Original poster
sunshinetheme · 20/06/2023 12:44

@massivesalads I know what you mean, but at the same time I do get it as my husband doesn't know either of them and I can understand not wanting a stranger at your wedding - luckily my wedding was very small so didn't have those decisions to make!

OP posts:
xogossipgirlxo · 20/06/2023 12:45

I wasn't feeling this comfortable travelling for few hours at this stage. Currently almost 9 months pregnant. You might have some bad days or baby will be sitting on your bladder and you will feel like your pelvis weighs 100 pounds. I'd say don't commit to anything at the moment.

WonderDays · 20/06/2023 12:45

OP said think you have a name change failure as you’ve answered my question using different names.

dinoice · 20/06/2023 12:46

@WonderDays no the other name poster was copying that from the original post

WonderDays · 20/06/2023 12:47

Thanks

timtam23 · 20/06/2023 12:49

I think it's quite a lot to take on at that stage of pregnancy. I was fit and active before my first pregnancy, had a very uncomplicated pregnancy and remained active, more or less carried on as normal for most of it but once I got to 7 months or so I found long car journeys extremely tiring. We did a big drive to see relatives at 7 months, DH drove all of the 4 hours home but I was shattered just from sitting in the car. I drove 1 and a half hours on my own to visit a friend at about 36-37 weeks and it really knocked me for six for a few days. Also as my bump got bigger it was harder to drive, seatbelt fitting got more awkward and I was a bit worried about the bump and having to do an emergency stop. Even in an uncomplicated pregnancy I had swollen ankles, heartburn and the dreaded piles etc etc none of which were improved by long periods of sitting in a car. So maybe going to hen do but not wedding could be a compromise?

HolyFire · 20/06/2023 12:51

I wouldn’t go especially as you hardly know anyone.

Nicecow · 20/06/2023 12:52

I had this happen a few weeks ago. If you can go to the hens, then you'll make friends that you will know at the wedding. You may even be able to share a lift!

CindersAgain · 20/06/2023 12:54

For me it would make a difference if you are seven or eight months pregnant. Is it almost 8? In which case I wouldn’t.

Original poster
sunshinetheme · 20/06/2023 13:03

@timtam23 these are all great points and I hadn't thought of most of them, thank you. I think hen do and not wedding will be the best thing to do.

Hen do is a couple of months before the wedding and weirdly is only about 30 mins away from me.

I think there is only one other person going to the hen other than those I've mentioned, she also lives near the wedding venue.

OP posts:
TenoringBehind · 20/06/2023 13:05

I would decline both but send a gift and card with a letter saying how touched you are to have been invited.

mindutopia · 20/06/2023 13:06

I wouldn't be worried about being 3 hours away from home at 7-8 months pregnant. I was travelling that far to work still at about 7 months. And your husband could always come along to help with the journey and have a relaxing weekend away (assuming you have no other children that need caring for at home). You likely won't be at the wedding late.

But if you are worried about not knowing anyone, it's fine to just go for the ceremony and just after, say hello to your friend, wish her and her new husband well, and go back to your hotel for an early night...if you want to go at all. It's also fine just to send a card. I'm not sure I would have wanted to spend money on a night away at that stage unless I could also get some major relaxing and me time in (which you will very shortly have little of), so if there is a way to combine the two, that would make it more worth it.

MargotBamborough · 20/06/2023 13:08

timtam23 · 20/06/2023 12:49

I think it's quite a lot to take on at that stage of pregnancy. I was fit and active before my first pregnancy, had a very uncomplicated pregnancy and remained active, more or less carried on as normal for most of it but once I got to 7 months or so I found long car journeys extremely tiring. We did a big drive to see relatives at 7 months, DH drove all of the 4 hours home but I was shattered just from sitting in the car. I drove 1 and a half hours on my own to visit a friend at about 36-37 weeks and it really knocked me for six for a few days. Also as my bump got bigger it was harder to drive, seatbelt fitting got more awkward and I was a bit worried about the bump and having to do an emergency stop. Even in an uncomplicated pregnancy I had swollen ankles, heartburn and the dreaded piles etc etc none of which were improved by long periods of sitting in a car. So maybe going to hen do but not wedding could be a compromise?

Yes, I also had an easy first pregnancy but I remember driving 3 hours for a weekend away when I was almost 6 months pregnant and finding that absolutely exhausting. I was the only person insured to drive the car but at least I had company, which the OP wouldn't if she goes to this wedding on her own.

In my second pregnancy I had a sudden attack of eczema and piles at 7 months and I'm pretty sure I'd have pulled out of a wedding at that stage.

Lcb123 · 20/06/2023 13:11

I’d try and go. I want to make the most of fun and freedom before baby. Can you go on train instead as more relaxing

LlynTegid · 20/06/2023 13:15

I'd decline now.

Original poster
sunshinetheme · 20/06/2023 13:17

@Lcb123 Yes I did check that earlier but there don't seem to be any direct trains so looks to be about a 7 hour journey with lots of changes, buses and then a bit of walking too as the hotel is quite remote.

OP posts:
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