Would you go to this wedding?

[sunshinetheme]

So I've been invited to an old friend's hen do and wedding later this year. We were close at secondary school and then she moved away with her family when we were 16. I visited her a couple of times and she came back to our hometown once I think too. I reckon I last saw her about 8/9 years ago & we text maybe a couple of times a year so fair to say the hen do invite was a bit of a surprise, albeit a nice one.

I'm going to the hen which is in September, another old friend (B) is also going and I also know the bride's Mum and sisters, they're all lovely so all good there.

The thing I'm slightly worrying about is that I have recently found out I am pregnant and by the time of the wedding I will be 7-8 months along. The wedding is a 3 hour drive away and I would most likely have to travel alone as my husband isn't invited - I think this is totally fair by the way, they don't know each other, in fact I've never met the groom either.

Another (maybe silly) worry is that the only people I will know at the wedding is the bride, her 2 sisters and Mum. I'm not sure whether B will attend as she lives about 3 and a half hours away from the venue and doesn't drive. I couldn't even pick her up on the way as it's a totally different direction and would end up about an 8 hour 1 way trip!

I do want to go and support my friend, we were close at school and I really think being invited to everything was so lovely but at the same time this is my first baby so I'm not really sure what to expect in that stage of pregnancy whether this is doable or will be too much?

Like a PP said - it would maybe make a difference if you will be closer to 7 or 8 months.

I travelled 600 miles (10-12 hour drive) with DH and 2yr old DC when I was 7 months pregnant for a family wedding. Admittedly I wasn’t travelling alone, but it was a significantly greater distance. Yes, I was tired, but it was fine, and it was important to go. I had a wee rest in our hotel room during the afternoon of the wedding while photos were going on, and I certainly wasn’t the last one on the dance floor at the end of the night, but it was absolutely fine.

Actually, now that I think about it, I also travelled 300miles, including a flight, when I was 7m pregnant with DC1, and I did that one alone.

The only pregnancy I’d have been wary of doing that with was my twin pregnancy because of the risk of early labour. With my singletons it was grand

You sound like a lovely friend OP btw! Makes a nice change from the many MN threads where people are almost offended at being invited to weddings!

I'd plan to go, but I'd have an open chat with the bride and ask when she needs to confirm final numbers.

No one knows how they are going to feel in the latter stages of pregnancy. And a lot of it comes down to mental attitude. Some want to nest, others want to be active and busy and do as much as they can.

I wouldn't go to either tbh. This is going to sound nasty but it doesn't sound like she has many friends if it's someone she last saw 9 years ago and texts a couple of times a year, another friend and then family.

Are you married, did you invite her to your wedding or if not would you invite her?

No, I think that was someone else very patiently pointing out that the OP had already addressed this issue in the OP, which was directly above your question as you were the first poster on the thread. You literally had one post to read, the OP's original, and literally just could not be bothered 🙄

OP, I think going to hen and explaining to bride you'd feel uncomfortable travelling that far when you're that far along. She'll completely understand as long as you give her enough notice and not turn invitation down last minute. I understand if your pregnancy is not common knowledge yet, but as soon as you feel confident telling people, just explain your reasons why and it'll be fine. Good luck with the pregnancy

@Whenwillitallmakesense yes this is what I was thinking, especially letting them know as soon as possible, and then I'll also send a card and gift to them closer to the time as others have suggested.

Thank you everyone for the comments and suggestions, I have been known to worry a lot so this has been very helpful!

I was going to suggest to go to the hen do but turn down the wedding. If your dh was going or lots of people you know, then it would be ok, but as that isn’t the case, no I wouldn’t go even if I wasn’t heavily pregnant.

If the hotel is quite remote and you can't really go by train then I wouldn't go. I had a scare at about 6 months pregnant when I was in London for work (I'm in the north east). It was ultimately fine as I was in London and lots of hospitals and my brother lived nearby, but it was still very stressful and I wouldn't want to put myself in a more difficult position later in a pregnancy. If the wedding was in the middle of a major city that would be one thing, but a remote hotel 7 hrs away by public transport is a very different proposition

@sunshinetheme what I didn't add in my earlier post was that when I drove to visit my friend, I left my headlights on and the car battery went flat so she (with a toddler) and I (with a massive bump) had to get the jump leads out and sort the car out. Non pregnant me wouldn't have turned a hair and would have had a laugh and got on with it, but with a large bump the unexpected was stressful rather than funny and it was much more tiring to keep getting in and out of the car, open the bonnet, guddle around under the bonnet etc etc plus then the journey home in traffic with pregnancy bladder, heartburn etc and I knew that I didn't have any option but to keep going and get myself home, as I was alone in the car. So I would definitely suggest caution with the long journeys later in pregnancy, you may be absolutely fine of course but at 7-8 months or so I had to slow down a lot compared to a month or two earlier.