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How to approach response to friend

37 replies

viewfromaview · 19/06/2023 16:17

For backstory (not sure how much is relavant), best friend of 20 years, had a baby with her partner last year (and very happy for them). I don't have kids, unlikely I will, but never say never. My mother been very ill recently, although getting much better. Friend has been really supportive, even though clearly has enough on her plate.

Parent being ill has made me finally go out and get a will sorted. I have a partner but it's early days, so unmarried and no dependents it would currently all just go to my parents. Which would be fine, but want to split it out also between nephews and nieces really who I adore, and some charities. Not talking huge amount of assets but I have a house and some modest savings, pension etc.

So I asked my friend if she and her partner would be witnesses to the will, and she said yes not a problem. Then later on that evening I got a message saying they had discussed it and don't think they could because of their daughter being a beneficiary in the will.

I honestly cannot recall ever saying her daughter would be a beneficiary! I mean we've had a lot of drunken nights over the years, chatting the usual nonsense that people do, but I cannot think that I ever promised to put her kids into my will. And certainly have never said anything about it recently as not something I had ever planned to do. So I have no idea where this has come from.

I have no idea whether to say anything or not. I can easily get some other witnesses, but no idea whether to point out that her daughter (or any other children she may have) won't be getting anything. Or just fudge it and say something like not a problem, will get some other witnesses and hope it just goes away.

OP posts:
Sunnydaysareuponus · 19/06/2023 16:25

Well given that she won't know until you die her dd is getting sod all I wouldn't worry...
Ask another friend as witness.
You must have at least 1 non grabby one...

HRTeatime · 19/06/2023 16:28

Sunnydaysareuponus · 19/06/2023 16:25

Well given that she won't know until you die her dd is getting sod all I wouldn't worry...
Ask another friend as witness.
You must have at least 1 non grabby one...

Well, won’t know unless she’s on here and reads this post….

HRTeatime · 19/06/2023 16:30

In all seriousness though, as Sunnydays says, just so ok thanks, no problem. I’ll get someone else to do it. No need to say anything about what’s in the will (or not). Maybe she’s fishing to see if their dd is actually named in it or not.

RampantIvy · 19/06/2023 16:30

Say nothing, and ask someone else.

Tiredmum100 · 19/06/2023 16:31

I'd just say ok no problem and leave it at that. Bit odd she assumes her daughter would be left something.

NineOfNine · 19/06/2023 16:31

It sounds like she’s got a bit muddled.

I’d get other witnesses.
When my parents made their wills they got the solicitor who drew the wills up to witness them.

WonderfulUsername · 19/06/2023 16:33

You've been friends for 20 years.

In what world can you not just say, "Oh no I haven't put your child in my will, just my nieces and nephews"? Confused

Gymmum82 · 19/06/2023 16:35

I’d avoid the awkward convo and just say ok and get someone else. It’s not like she’ll find out her daughter isn’t a beneficiary until you’re dead

Sunnydaysareuponus · 19/06/2023 16:35

Imo keep gifting to a sensible amount - or she may assume given you have no dc- her pfb will be doted on with expensive gifts for All Of Time.
Including when you pop off!
When my mate eventually got rid of her numpty dh she had a new will done.. And put me down as guardian to her dc.
Without even a chat with me first!
We aren't friends anymore now but I hope to heck she has changed that! If I see her name in the obituary column I am leaving town!

ThisHeatIsKillingMeOff · 19/06/2023 16:36

I'd just be honest and say "oh no, sorry she won't be in my will not sure where you heard that one sorry!"

Behindthelines · 19/06/2023 16:39

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Berthatydfil · 19/06/2023 16:41

If you go to a solicitor/professional will writer they will usually arrange a witness if you ask them to. They will use someone like another solicitor or legal assistant in their office and someone you have no connection to or expectation that they (or a family member) will be a beneficiary. This will make sure theres no issue over the legality of the will.
How strange that she thinks her dd will be a beneficiary though - does she know you have nieces and nephews?

purpleboy · 19/06/2023 16:47

WonderfulUsername · 19/06/2023 16:33

You've been friends for 20 years.

In what world can you not just say, "Oh no I haven't put your child in my will, just my nieces and nephews"? Confused

This! I get so confused by relationships that are supposedly close but the communication is so bad!

Behindthelines · 19/06/2023 16:48

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viewfromaview · 19/06/2023 16:54

Thanks for the replies. Yeah she does know I have nieces and nephews as she's met all of them.

Definitely some kind of mix up somewhere along the line, just not sure exactly where or how it's happened. I don't even ever recall speaking about making a will let alone who would be in it.

And i get it in an ideal world I should be able to just say hang on bit of a mixup somewhere, but equally no idea how it might be taken. I had no idea it was even something that she had thought until a few days ago.

OP posts:
InSpainTheRain · 19/06/2023 16:56

Just get someone else to do it - she sounds very presumptuous unless she has the wrong end of the stick completely!

Fromage · 19/06/2023 17:00

Say nothing.

Maybe add in a line and leave the dd something small?

WonderfulUsername · 19/06/2023 17:02

And i get it in an ideal world I should be able to just say hang on bit of a mixup somewhere, but equally no idea how it might be taken.

Why does it matter how it's taken?

Are you scared of her?

GwenTenPenny · 19/06/2023 17:02

I wonder if it’s her way of ‘guiding’ you towards making their DC a beneficiary? As if you’ll think, “Huh, she’s got a point, I really must add in her DC!”

It’s bizarre though, if you’ve never mentioned it. Very very odd. And grasping.

GwenTenPenny · 19/06/2023 17:04

Ps if you say ok no worries, she may assume you’re confirming their DC is in the will. So then it will be “it’s so kind of you that DC is in your will, such a relief for us, so important to know she’s got extra security…”

Maybe. Might be better to gently say, love you guys but I’m only leaving to my nieces and nephews.

Behindthelines · 19/06/2023 17:06

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determinedtomakethiswork · 19/06/2023 17:06

I would just say something like sorry, I haven't decided who is going to benefit yet! But yes that's fine, don't worry about signing it. I'll find someone else.

Behindthelines · 19/06/2023 17:06

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WonderfulUsername · 19/06/2023 17:16

Why does the world have to be 'ideal' for you to simply tell your friend of 20 years, that she's got the wrong end of the stick?

Wishimaywishimight · 19/06/2023 17:28

"Where did you get that idea from?" If she then says "Oh I just assumed" I would say "How odd. I am leaving anything I have to nieces and nephews. Obviously"

She is being extremely cheeky. I would not allow her to go on thinking this.

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