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How to approach response to friend

37 replies

viewfromaview · 19/06/2023 16:17

For backstory (not sure how much is relavant), best friend of 20 years, had a baby with her partner last year (and very happy for them). I don't have kids, unlikely I will, but never say never. My mother been very ill recently, although getting much better. Friend has been really supportive, even though clearly has enough on her plate.

Parent being ill has made me finally go out and get a will sorted. I have a partner but it's early days, so unmarried and no dependents it would currently all just go to my parents. Which would be fine, but want to split it out also between nephews and nieces really who I adore, and some charities. Not talking huge amount of assets but I have a house and some modest savings, pension etc.

So I asked my friend if she and her partner would be witnesses to the will, and she said yes not a problem. Then later on that evening I got a message saying they had discussed it and don't think they could because of their daughter being a beneficiary in the will.

I honestly cannot recall ever saying her daughter would be a beneficiary! I mean we've had a lot of drunken nights over the years, chatting the usual nonsense that people do, but I cannot think that I ever promised to put her kids into my will. And certainly have never said anything about it recently as not something I had ever planned to do. So I have no idea where this has come from.

I have no idea whether to say anything or not. I can easily get some other witnesses, but no idea whether to point out that her daughter (or any other children she may have) won't be getting anything. Or just fudge it and say something like not a problem, will get some other witnesses and hope it just goes away.

OP posts:
EyelessArseFace · 19/06/2023 17:31

Say absolutely nothing to them at all, and never mention your will in their presence again!!

Just out of interest, are you their dd's Godmother?

MarigoldGlove · 19/06/2023 17:35

determinedtomakethiswork · 19/06/2023 17:06

I would just say something like sorry, I haven't decided who is going to benefit yet! But yes that's fine, don't worry about signing it. I'll find someone else.

Well she can't as she wants her to witness her will. She can't say she doesn't know what's in it!

I'd just text 'no problem' and ask someone else.

Sunmachine · 19/06/2023 17:36

I think I’d leave their DD £500 or something….

OhComeOnFFS · 19/06/2023 17:36

She might not have made a final decision, though.

OP, you could say something like, "It's OK, I'm only leaving her £1,000 so it'll be OK if you sign it."

OhComeOnFFS · 19/06/2023 17:37

Tbh I'd be wary of talking about your will to relatives and friends. If you currently don't have a partner or children, how happy will they be for you if you meet someone and/or have children?

viewfromaview · 19/06/2023 17:46

EyelessArseFace · 19/06/2023 17:31

Say absolutely nothing to them at all, and never mention your will in their presence again!!

Just out of interest, are you their dd's Godmother?

I'm not , but only because they aren't having her baptised.

And thank you, I do appreciate all the responses. I'm sure it's just been a misunderstanding somewhere somehow and I should really say something so that there is no further misunderstanding.

But yes @OhComeOnFFS maybe it was a bad idea to ask a friend to be a witness. I think anyone would understand though if I get married / have kids then it would change things (well, I would hope so).

OP posts:
Justleaveitblankthen · 19/06/2023 18:31

GwenTenPenny · 19/06/2023 17:02

I wonder if it’s her way of ‘guiding’ you towards making their DC a beneficiary? As if you’ll think, “Huh, she’s got a point, I really must add in her DC!”

It’s bizarre though, if you’ve never mentioned it. Very very odd. And grasping.

This is exactly what I think too.
As I am evil of sorts, I wouldn't reply at all (I would talk about the weather if I did 😂)

She'll be dying to know what you say.. When she can't hold on any longer I would say, "Oh yes, all sorted now forgot to mention"... and quickly talk about the weather again 😈

Are you the Godmother btw?
(if she has one)

It's an easy assumption if you are.

Justleaveitblankthen · 19/06/2023 18:32

sorry, just read your update

Purplepinkfairy · 19/06/2023 18:34

Just reply and say .OK no problem.......when you die .you won't be around for her to be annoyed with you anyway !!

Zebracrossings · 19/06/2023 19:03

Yes I agree with @GwenTenPenny . No matter how morbid these talks sound best to have them clearly. Let her know that her daughter isn't in it and you have found someone else to sign now.

Newestname002 · 19/06/2023 19:21

I didn't involve any friends or family in witnessing my Will - this was done at the solicitors where I had it drawn up. The only thing I have said to family is that, if I predecease my mother my estate would be to her benefit so that her health and other care is completely sorted out so nobody needs to worry about her financially. My solicitor is handling that and one person in the family knows where my Will is lodged. And that's it. Easier for me to keep other details to myself and let my solicitor deal with everything else. 🌹

FoodieToo · 19/06/2023 19:33

You definitely need to mention it . If you don't she will continue to believe that her daugher is included and it could be very awkward/embarrassing for her when you die !
Very strange and presumptuous of her . I would absolutely set her straight .

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