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Original poster

How Can I Hint For A Hoilday?

69 replies

Mummaneedsabreak · 19/06/2023 12:08

How can I hint for a holiday?

We've not had a holiday, abroad or in the UK since pre covid, September 2019.

My DH came into some money 6 months ago. We are not struggling but are not rolling in it.

I'd love to be able to take the kids ( 6 & 1 ) away this year but I don't want to directly mention it to DH. Everyone else seems to be going, it just makes me feel a little flat.

How can I plant the seed/drop hints that I want us to go?

OP posts:
Haveallthesongsbeenwritten · 19/06/2023 18:12

NoraLuka · 19/06/2023 12:10

Why can’t you just talk about it directly?

I know right, what about “ hey babe what about we take the kids on holiday this year?”, i’d be looking at places already and sending suggestions to my other half…

Flickersy · 19/06/2023 18:21

It sounds like this might be an inheritance.

If so, the perennial MN advice is to keep inheritance for yourself. A husband making heavy hints that his wife's inheritance should be used to pay for a holiday when wife wants to save it for a rainy day would be given short shrift on here.

OP you need to have a proper conversation with him. Given you say you're not rolling in it and the COL crisis though I'd say it would be much better to save it and leave the holiday for now.

CurlewKate · 19/06/2023 18:24

Are you scared of him? Because I can't think of any other reason you couldn't just ask/suggest.

MagicBullet · 19/06/2023 18:39

Flickersy · 19/06/2023 18:21

It sounds like this might be an inheritance.

If so, the perennial MN advice is to keep inheritance for yourself. A husband making heavy hints that his wife's inheritance should be used to pay for a holiday when wife wants to save it for a rainy day would be given short shrift on here.

OP you need to have a proper conversation with him. Given you say you're not rolling in it and the COL crisis though I'd say it would be much better to save it and leave the holiday for now.

Two things there

  • 1- MN can be wrong! I find the very cute and paste ‘this is how things should be done’ often don’t work in RL (or they create situations where posters dint dare ding anything such as communicate freely with their spouse because ‘it’s not right to ask for some of HIS inheritance for myself’)
  • 2- unfortunately men and women are often not equal in the marriage, eg in terms of finances. What would be appropriate for a SAHM might not be for a career driven man with a high wage.
  • 3- opinions of what should be happening with an inheritance are actually quite varied, even on MN. I’d say as a general rule, what’s not acceptable is fir the husband to DICTATE what the couple will do with the money. Which is NOT what the OP is aiming for. She is hoping to START the conversation and for a bit if break after many years Wo a hols. Not u reasonable hope tbh.
ilovebagpuss · 19/06/2023 18:42

It's a bit wierd he hasn't offered it or said what shall we do with this money. I got a little bit from my DF it went towards a holiday abroad after a bit of chat with DH about what we should do.
I didn't just put it in my account and keep it.

BlowDryRat · 19/06/2023 18:43

Put your big girl pants on and ask him.

Original poster
Mummaneedsabreak · 20/06/2023 12:05

I'm not scared of my DH. He is a wonderful husband and father. He is hardworking and provides for us all, I'm a SAHM.

I guess this is my issue regarding approaching him. I just feel like I don't want to directly ask him to take us on holiday.

Thank you for all your advice.

OP posts:
BarbaraofSeville · 20/06/2023 12:23

You seem to have overlooked that, as a SAHM, you are providing free childcare for his DC, as well as likely cooking, cleaning, laundry services and household management while he's busy working to 'provide' for his family.

It would cost more than many people earn to buy in those services if you weren't doing it for free.

Therefore, the money that comes into the household is joint money, that you should both decide together how it gets spent.

Don't you think he'd want you all to go on holiday together? Is it a case of if he wanted to go on holiday he'd suggest it, or does he leak all the thinking and planning to you?

BodenCardiganNot · 20/06/2023 12:26

He is hardworking and provides for us all, I'm a SAHM.

Do you not think you work hard and provide for your family too?

Original poster
Mummaneedsabreak · 20/06/2023 12:42

BodenCardiganNot · 20/06/2023 12:26

He is hardworking and provides for us all, I'm a SAHM.

Do you not think you work hard and provide for your family too?

I need to start changing the way I see things because yes I do work hard. Raising kids is hard work but sometimes it feels like a thankless task because I'm not bringing any money in.

OP posts:
arethereanyleftatall · 20/06/2023 13:04

Mummaneedsabreak · 20/06/2023 12:05

I'm not scared of my DH. He is a wonderful husband and father. He is hardworking and provides for us all, I'm a SAHM.

I guess this is my issue regarding approaching him. I just feel like I don't want to directly ask him to take us on holiday.

Thank you for all your advice.

Again op, you're not asking 'him' to take 'you' on holiday.
You are discussing what to do with the money you jointly contribute to.

ChocChipHandbag · 20/06/2023 13:17

You seem to be forgetting that having children was a choice he made, with an associated expense, not his automatic right.

thecatsthecats · 20/06/2023 13:31

OK, I'm going to row back on what I originally thought, which wad the same as everyone else.

Because in all honesty, I have struggled with "relying" or using my husband's financial support. I was off sick for seven months, and switched to a low paying PT job whilst I retrained, and am now earning a lot more again.

Even though my husband insisted throughout that he could cover us both (and he could), I kept my end of the finances up.

So I do understand the feeling, and as we semi-blend finances (all bills central, joint savings), we also have separate savings and funds. But you actually just need to trust him to be who he is.

Original poster
Mummaneedsabreak · 15/08/2023 22:00

We are going on holiday!!! 😎😎😎😎

OP posts:
BlowDryRat · 15/08/2023 22:18

Yay! Where are you going?

Original poster
Mummaneedsabreak · 15/08/2023 22:31

BlowDryRat · 15/08/2023 22:18

Yay! Where are you going?

I don't want to say as it could be outing but it's a popular holiday hot spot in Europe and it's all inclusive! I'm over the moon!

OP posts:
Rainbows89 · 15/08/2023 22:53

Oh yay!

I read through this whole thread and finally got to the good news at the bottom!

I’m happy for you OP!

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 16/08/2023 00:03

When I clicked on this I was expecting an early 20s girl wanting to book a mini break with her new boyfriend of a few weeks but being scared it might scare him off.

You're an adult married woman! Just ask him or better yet tell him that you have a great idea for something fun for the family but it's up to him as he's the one with the spare cash, does he want to hear it?

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 16/08/2023 00:03

Oh sorry just saw update- well done!! Enjoy

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