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Original poster

How Can I Hint For A Hoilday?

69 replies

Mummaneedsabreak · 19/06/2023 12:08

How can I hint for a holiday?

We've not had a holiday, abroad or in the UK since pre covid, September 2019.

My DH came into some money 6 months ago. We are not struggling but are not rolling in it.

I'd love to be able to take the kids ( 6 & 1 ) away this year but I don't want to directly mention it to DH. Everyone else seems to be going, it just makes me feel a little flat.

How can I plant the seed/drop hints that I want us to go?

OP posts:
NeverendingCircus · 19/06/2023 14:08

Be direct but not grabby. Just say, "Do you fancy going on holiday? We haven't been since 2019 and I really long to get away somewhere with you and the children. Would you be happy to spend some of the inheritance money on a family break?"
If he isn't happy, say you will look into a budget holiday and ask him to pay 50% of it. (Presuming you have separate finances as you think of that money as 'his')

trulyunruly01 · 19/06/2023 14:13

We have both received inheritances from family members, we've had sizeable tax refunds, I had a court settlement and each and every time we've sat at the kitchen table together and discussed what the plan was for this money.
We've bought brand new cars cash.
We've paid off the mortgage and various debts.
We've had some smashing holidays, real 'trip of a lifetime' stuff.
We've had new posh sofas (having spent 10 yrs with secondhand).
We've stuffed some away into pensions and been Grown Up.
Put some aside for dc.
We're skint as fuck nowadays but that's down to both of us 🤣

What's all this 'hinting' and not knowing what the plan is. That's not marriage.

OrcasFree · 19/06/2023 14:17

I think how he 'came into the money' , how much it is and what your usual financial set-up is is probably relevant.

But only relevant in terms of the money. I don't know why you couldn't discuss a holiday in any case.

Original poster
Mummaneedsabreak · 19/06/2023 14:18

When he got this money he did say it was for us. He didn't say what specifically it was going to be spent on but did state it wasn't to be wasted and majority was kept for rainy days/if ever we got into trouble financially. He did pay for us to go Lapland UK at Xmas which was lovely.

I guess this is my problem as I clearly don't feel comfortable mentioning it as I don't see it as my money.

The holiday doesn't have to be fancy. I'd be happy with budget.

OP posts:
Mindymomo · 19/06/2023 14:24

When an advert come on tv for holidays, I would just say do you think we could think about a holiday. Some husbands/partners just need nudging. Yes, it’s nice to have savings but holidays are precious and children are only young a few years.

ChocChipHandbag · 19/06/2023 14:54

Surely the issue here is that it hasn’t occurred to the DH that his family might enjoy a holiday? If this was just about money have had conversations previously long the lines of “holidays are lovely, shame we’re tight for money.” So an obvious thing to think of when the money came in would be a holiday.

i don’t get why you can’t talk generally about holidays without having to link it to him spending his money. How did you pay for them before that money?

PurpleChrayne · 19/06/2023 15:03

Why would you need to "hint"? Just discuss it with him like a functional human being.

jellyminelli · 19/06/2023 15:06

You just tell him what you want, hinting is ridiculous.

"John, we've not been on holiday for 4 years and I'd like to book something. Do you fancy Portugal?"

Alarae · 19/06/2023 15:08

He is your partner and should be willing to have a conversation with you.

My DH loathes spending a lot of money but I just had a frank conversation and said we should go on a holiday and make some memories. We could afford it, can't take money to your grave and it wouldn't leave us destitute. So why not?

As long as you are not proposing to use his entire windfall on a holiday which could leave you without any money behind you whatsoever, he should at least hear you out.

ChocChipHandbag · 19/06/2023 15:20

Do you realise that it is really not normal for a wife and mother to describe a family Christmas outing as something that her husband “paid for us all to do”? (Unless the couple are divorced).

Do you also say that he “paid for us to do a food shop at Tesco” or “paid for us to drive to school”?

WonderDays · 19/06/2023 15:24

I’d price up a couple of holidays so you have the facts and then be straight with him. ‘I’ve seen a couple holidays on offer at the moment that I think would be perfect for the DC, they are coming in at around 3k for a week, I would really like us to book one’.

AhNowTed · 19/06/2023 15:24

OP do you have ready access to money, or do you have to "ask"?

arethereanyleftatall · 19/06/2023 15:32

In case you haven't got the message yet op, your question is off the charts completely batshit.

It suggests you have absolutely no idea what a normal relationship is.

Your follow up post - 'his' money?!? What on Earth do you mean by that if you have children together?

Do the both of you realise that once you're married with children, any money earnt is family money, because one party will inevitably be doing more of the childcare.

To reiterate - if you can't say to your HUSBAND 'hey Tim, let's go on holiday with that money.' Then you have far bigger problems and have completely lost sight of normal.

HAF1119 · 19/06/2023 15:35

Approach it directly but politely

I know you mentioned the money you got being for us, but also about it keeping for a rainy day, it would be really nice to go on a holiday, what do you think? And have some left for a rainy day

ThisHeatIsKillingMeOff · 19/06/2023 15:38

He can't be that great if you can't ask him directly.

Annipeck · 19/06/2023 15:39

ChocChipHandbag · 19/06/2023 15:20

Do you realise that it is really not normal for a wife and mother to describe a family Christmas outing as something that her husband “paid for us all to do”? (Unless the couple are divorced).

Do you also say that he “paid for us to do a food shop at Tesco” or “paid for us to drive to school”?

This. Honestly, OP, this isn't about a holiday, it's about a strangely unequal dynamic in your marriage.

Augend23 · 19/06/2023 15:47

So you have already had a holiday out of the money, and don't have enough money to pay for holidays out of regular income even with saving? i.e. to plan to save up for next year?

If that's the case surely the basic situation is that you (as a family) can't afford a holiday - and that all spending a windfall on holidays will do is put you in a more precarious financial position in the future as if you can't afford to save then you presumably can't afford to top the windfall back up with savings?

Obviously if you could do the latter then that is a different situation but otherwise I wouldn't be burning down rainy day funds you can't replenish.

WonderDays · 19/06/2023 15:48

I thought it was a day out.

ChocChipHandbag · 19/06/2023 16:15

@Augend23 they went to Lapland UK, not Lapland Finland. Some sort of day trip to a winter theme park, not a holiday.

Augend23 · 19/06/2023 16:27

ChocChipHandbag · 19/06/2023 16:15

@Augend23 they went to Lapland UK, not Lapland Finland. Some sort of day trip to a winter theme park, not a holiday.

Bit of an error of reading on my part Shock as that is quite a difference.

In that case my post is probably negated as one holiday out a windfall feels different from multiple holidays as long as the entire sum isn't eaten up!

CrumbliestCrumble · 19/06/2023 16:32

I don't get the hint thing
Nut we can don't have mine or dh money its a joint account. We both spend as we please.
Last year i booked a holiday then told him what time to no lt book any work in for.

Cas112 · 19/06/2023 16:42

The issue is more why you can't just ask for one / suggest one Confused

lunar1 · 19/06/2023 16:43

I'd be divorcing someone I couldn't have a simple conversation with. How on earth do you manage the big stuff with him?

JeminaSunshine · 19/06/2023 17:46

If he's approachable, approach him

Wishimaywishimight · 19/06/2023 18:11

Where is the money? Is it in a joint account?