Are UK parents obsessed with getting their kids to bed early?

[RosieLeaLovesTea]

Am I the only one that thinks UK parents are obsessed with getting their kids to bed early? I see posts of 7pm/7.30pm, some as early as 6pm.

I work full time and don’t get home until 6.30pm. We don’t eat until 7pm. So generally 9pm is bedtime. Plus it means that if we do go out at weekends our kids are used to going to bed a bit later.

Depends entirely on when the child has to get up and how much sleep they need. DC1 (age 20) still seems to need about 8 to 9 hours, whereas DC2 (18) seems quite happy with about 6 hours. DC2 gets up at 5 every day and is often chatting to DC1 after I have gone to bed.

Yes, I think this has a lot to do with it. I don't see how anyone who works full time in a regular job (i.e. not one where you work from say 7am to 4pm) can feed their kids at 6pm.

My son currently has his dinner between 6 and 6:30pm but I am on maternity leave. In September I will be back at work full time and they will probably be picked up from crèche at around 6:30 most days, meaning dinner will be at 7pm at the absolute earliest.

Even if you have no logistical issues (for example if you have a nanny or au pair who can collect your children and make their dinner), most parents want to have at least an hour or two with their kids in the evening which means that if you work full time they're not going to be going to bed at 7.

I thought a PP's comment was interesting, about being a SAHM and being desperate to get the kids into bed after spending all day with them so she could have some adult time. I mean that's just the complete opposite of a parent who works full time outside the home and hasn't seen their kids all day, and wants to see them a little bit before bedtime, isn't it? So I suspect that in most cases it is the parents' working pattern rather than anything else which has the biggest influence on their children's bedtime.

We had a long phase where my two eldest dc would both sleep 6pm - 8am - I can't remember whether they were having naps at this point, but I suspect they weren't. We just naturally fell into this pattern - it wasn't planned at all - and it all went to pot when we had dc3. Now they stay up later than I do (early/preteens)!

I did read that a siesta style lifestyle is actually a healthier way to sleep, but I can't imagine it ever catching on in the UK.

Quite! I would fully support everyone having a nap as we did when I was at primary school in France, but until that happens in the U.K. I just have to fit in with how schools and workplaces here do things. So weird to say “British obsession” when you don’t actually have to do the British working and schooling patterns

“I always think these threads have an undertone from some posters of "oh but my children are sophisticated continental types and not in bed for 7..".”

agree with this

My kids aren't at school yet but I don't think they have naps during the school day here in France. Maybe in the petite section but the kids are 3 (or in some cases as young as two and a half) when they start, so it's really more equivalent to nursery in the UK. The 4 and 5 year olds I know here are powering through the school day and often having afternoon naps at weekends to recharge their batteries a bit after a tiring week.

@WonderingWanda not all children need as much sleep as suggested by most posters.
Mine can't sleep before 10.30, and one is out of the house anywhere between 7.40/7.50 (depending on mode of travel).

My siblings and I were the same, we were out of the house 7.20 every morning but didn't go to bed before 10.

I’m not entirely convinced it is particularly common at primary age past reception especially in the summer with lighter evenings. We used to try and get our children down for 7 when under 3. They were tired from nursery but had been fed etc so we’d collect at 6, have a little play and then bath and bed. My 4yo is starting to get later and is generally asleep between 7.30 and 8. My 7 year old is rarely asleep before 9 which is later than I’d ideally like tbh but by the time she’s eaten, done reading, piano practice has a bit of chill-out time etc the evening is gone.

We went home for lunch and had a nap - some children stayed and had a nap (this was over 30 years ago though) - I think those of my friends and family whose children stay at school all do power through, but some take them home for lunch and a sleep still

@camelfinger looks like mine don't quite get the recommended amount of sleep. However, it's not a case of them being tired and exhausted but not going to bed, just seems they're the type of little people that require less sleep (and I think that's a trait they've inherited from dh and I )

I agree about the smugness from some parents about being so sophisticated and continental about their children staying up all evening. DD's best friend never had a bedtime (even in infants) and parents were very vocal about them being up until 11pm.

Without a doubt every day at primary they arrived after the bell, and fairly regularly DD's friend would be asleep at her desk.

But hey, we were so "British" aka peculiar/old fashioned/strict by having 5 year olds in bed by 7.30. 🤔

I put both my children to bed at 7 pm because they need 12 hours sleep. On a weekend or in school holidays then they go later but school days definitely 7pm.if they are much later they are absolutely shattered the next day and behaviour is terrible. It also means me and DH get some child free time together. He's up and away early hours for work too .
It's whatever suits for each family. My niece and nephew have never had set bedtimes and this works for them .

My youngest was, like I had been, an early riser. We had to work hard to get him to stay in bed till 6 am - I think he was age 5 and in yr 1 when we achieved that. He needed his 7 pm and later 7:30 pm bedtime for years and would put himself to bed or find a corner to fall asleep on rare occasions we had visitors or something. Until he was at least 11, having a very late night wouldn't mean he slept in the next day - catch-up sleep might eventually happen several days later (a problem when he was singing in evening concerts sometimes).

I don't know, but suspect that at least some children in countries that keep them up much later at night, maintain daytime naps a lot longer; these are often countries with a siesta tradition anyway.

This post and some of these comments are very judgemental for people who know nothing about everyone else's children/routines.

Would you pass the same judgement if I were setting my alarm to wake up a couple of hours before my kids so I could get stuff done or have adult time? Because kids need more sleep than adults, so time without your kids is inevitable either way. It's a weird pedestal to put yourself on

It's v weird that adults going to bed early, getting up early is thought of on here often as a sign of moral 'rightness' and adults who go to bed late and get up late are often thought of as lazy, etc. Loads of threads in the past where getting up early is seen almost as some sort of virtue, and you see it on all these 'My day' things by prominent types, all up at like 5am to do yoga or whatever. But children going to bed early, getting up early and having time at home in the mornings instead of evenings is somehow undesirable.

As PP said, children need more sleep then adults regardless, so they are always going to have that 'free' time. It's just some have it in morning and some in evening.

So which is it? At what age does that shift happen where your staying-up-late child becomes a lazy piece of work?

Some parents seem obsessed with keeping their DC up too late so they can have time with them. The most important thing is to follow the needs of the child.

I live in France, and you see a great deal of over-tired bad behaviour as a result of children being kept up when they need to be in bed.

8pm for my just turned two year old here
She wakes between 7-8am and naps for 30 mins on the afternoon school run.
7 year old 8.30pm
Wakes about 7am on school days

Between 7-8am at the weekend

Another voice saying it massively depends on the child. I have one lark and one owl. Even say on Scout camp or at overnight parties DS1 (10) is asleep by 9 (maybe 9:30 at a push) and awake by 6. DS2 (7) on the other hand chats to himself in bed until 9:30 on a good night and would prefer to wake about 8:30 (sadly for him this is the time he has to be out the door to school…I have great sympathy with him as I’m useless until about 10 but such is British school/working life).

I was an au pair in France to a 5 and 8 year old who didn't go to bed until gone 10pm most nights. (I lived upstairs so although I finished work at around 7 I could still hear them.)

The 5 year old was constantly knackered, had to be woken up at 8:30 to get ready for school, and had a lot of behavioural issues for which he was seeing the child psychologist every Wednesday afternoon.

The mother said to me despairing on more than one occasion, "I don't understand why his behaviour isn't improving."

As a 24 year old au pair I didn't feel it was my place to say, "If you put him to bed, in his own bed, about two hours earlier I expect you would see a big improvement."

I never understood this and never did it.

I remember my own mother putting us to bed at 6.30 every evening and I found it miserable, especially in the light summer evenings. I just wasn't ready and couldn't sleep and my parents wondered why I lay awake for hours.

She seemed amazed at first that I didn't adopt the same routine with my own children because to them it was the only routine to have. She did start to see though that as we were both working full office hours while baby was in nursery it just wouldn't have worked. We would have been collecting them about 6 in the evening and would never have seen them awake if it was bedtime at 6.30 (not that we would have been home by then anyway).

My three were generally in bed between 8 and 9 in the evening. I did bedtime just once each evening because no way was I spending my entire evening running up and down the stairs like a yo-yo putting children to bed.

I am British, but I do agree that insanely early bedtimes for children seem a peculiarly British thing. I didn't join in with it myself though. It didn't work for us and I wanted to actually see my kids occasionally.

I don't think this is about 'continental' smugness.

We are not talking about 'routine' vs 'child-led' parenting. My kids are far from free-range and we have fairly strict bedtimes, it's just that our bedtimes are quite a bit later - as in 9/9.30 pm instead of 7.30 pm - which is much more traditional for me. Though my mum was always complaining about me being too strict and putting them to bed too early.

I agree with you. My NCT friends all put their babies to bed at 1830/1900 then complained about the 0430/0500 wakeups.

We were at the opposite extreme. 2200 bed and 0900 wakeups! Not practical once at nursery of course but great for the early years. We always had dinner as a family and Dad wouldn't have seen dc during the week otherwise as he gets home at 1900.

People only see their immediate circle though. If you have a few friends with children who need to go to bed at 7pm then you might see yourself as an outlier with one who goes to bed at 8.30pm (or if you’re a bit of a dick, as a more sophisticated household, or a more devoted parent spending more time with your children than those lazy others). I actually see a range of sleeping times amongst the children I know, both in the U.K. and France, but it’s still a fairly small pool. Mine are middling with falling asleep from 8pm-9pm (they are early primary and preschool age), and one of mine has always been an early riser. I don’t really see it as a choice of when to have “adult time” because between them at least one of my children is usually awake when I am!

Yes they seem to be. Similarly to how they want their kids to nap for 2 hours a day until they're 4 "so I can have so me time tinkly laugh" Honestly I was pleased when my kid stopped that charade at 19 months, we could go out and DO stuff without needing to get back or have her sleep in the pram.

My DD is now 6. I'd much sooner have a slightly later bedtime and her wake up at a sociable hour. She'd never be able to fall asleep at half 6 anyway. Besides which one day a week she has Rainbows 5-6 and we have dinner after that, another day she has swimming at 7 and another day she's in Forest School or after school club until 5:15. Yeah great, have your adults only evenings, I'd rather spend some time reading, playing or chilling with my kid.

If they sleep to a reasonable time then they need an early bedtime. If they wake up very early then they don't need an early bedtime, but if it works for you, then crack on.