Are UK parents obsessed with getting their kids to bed early?

[RosieLeaLovesTea]

Am I the only one that thinks UK parents are obsessed with getting their kids to bed early? I see posts of 7pm/7.30pm, some as early as 6pm.

I work full time and don’t get home until 6.30pm. We don’t eat until 7pm. So generally 9pm is bedtime. Plus it means that if we do go out at weekends our kids are used to going to bed a bit later.

I've noticed this.

Mind you, my mum used to have us all in our pajamas at 6 and in bed shortly after, and this was in Ireland in the late 60s/ early 70s.

With my own DCs, we usually ate some time around 7, and they were in bed around 8:45-9:00. Input them all to bed at the same time because there were a lot of them, and this was the easiest way to manage it. Otherwise I'd have been up and down the stairs like a yoyo all evening.

They never did the calling for glasses of water / needing to go to the loo/ getting out of bed and coming downstairs thing that my siblings and I used to do for hours after we were put to bed.

They were up at 7 for a school start at 8.

Yes, I never expected that quiet time either, though my mum valued it greatly.

Perhaps it was because she didn't have a TV until about 1972 so it fell to her to keep us all from killing ourselves/ each other all day every day with no option to just turn on some entertainment for us.

My DCs spent evenings after dinner helping clear dinner away, reading, watching TV, or finishing homework, and they could read in bed too if they wanted to after heading upstairs.

We always had a family dinner. It was possible for me to read while the DCs played or watched TV or a movie or finished homework, so I did get time to indulge my own interests.

I think whatever works for the family is good, one family might do 6pm-6am with a 12 hour sleeper another might do 8pm-8am with one. I do think it's important to factor in the childs needs. Mine has early childcare and is well rested after 12 hours so we do 6.30-6.30 in the week, later on weekends and he lays in and has more than 12 hours then - the 6.30 wake up in the week is non negotiable due to childcare/work and even that's a rush! Soon as he needs less sleep he'll go to bed later though, as opposed to waking earlier.

Think it's fine for a family to do whatever works in terms of their lives, there are a lot of people who need to start work earlier and may use childcare from 7am or 7.30 so have to do things a bit earlier

Yes! We live in Asia and I was so shocked when we moved here to see all these kids out and about at 9pm. Now I have my own and they go to bed at 9-9:30pm. We all eat dinner together around 7:30pm then bath and bedtime after that.

This might have to change a bit when the eldest starts school. At the moment she can lie in until 8am so gets enough sleep but for school she'd need to be up earlier. I'd prefer an after school nap rather than an earlier bedtime tbh but I don't think that would happen!

I agree. I remember someone was married to a Chef so kids stayed up late or they'd never see their father. It's whatever works for people.

I think it's partly climatic. For a good 4 months of the year in this country (UK) it's dark by 5-6pm so any outside activity needs to be done by then. In many of these cultures where children are up later they nap both longer and till a later age. Most British 3 year olds are at nursery with no nap time, Spanish, Italian and American children will often sleep in the day until 4 or 5. Also tied into this is our early school starting age.

I do wonder if South East Asians do genetically just need less sleep than most of Northern European descent ?

To be fair we got a right dressing down by the health visitor because we said our son who was 1 and a terrible sleeper get into bed about 10pm and up about 9am or later plus whatever naps, I think he was on 2 naps then.
She basically dictated a Gina ford style wake up at 7 and in bed by 7.30 and all the rest and made us write it down.

Didn't really matter that his sleep issues were due to sensory issues, whatever the problem, that routine was the solution. When he was a few months old he would sometimes not sleep until 3am despite holding/feeding to sleep, he was just permanently over tired but too sensitive to sleep.

YES! This is 100% a British thing! I live abroad and nobody would dream of putting their kids to bed at before 9:30. Kids normally sleep around 10, wake up around 7, and then take a 2 hour or 3 hour nap after lunch so get enough sleep. (Even adults nap after lunch!) At the weekends, kids and adults all happily lie in and have a relaxing morning. I never understand why my British friends are so obsessed with these insanely early bedtimes, then constantly complain about the kids waking up so early 😂

I'm not sure why you care what time other people put their kids to bed?

Some people breastfeed, others don't. Some people co-sleep, others don't.

Just do what works for you 🤷🏻‍♀️

It’s was too early for us, I a British born Chinese so have a foot in both cultures. It also means children don’t eat with their parents as so early and some of my English friends gave their children a totally different dinner, which I personally didn’t like the thought of and I know DH was raised with this.

Big traditional nap culture in China. DH is English and cannot nap at all. I can fall asleep anywhere for a very short 10 to 15 min nap, if it goes over this then I feel not as good. DS can also nap. I read recently that it’s called a Marine nap and used by Navy seals. That gave me a little chuckle.

I can't believe that people are being accused of being selfish for putting their children to bed earlier rather than later. I don't do it for adult time or me time or because I'm fed up with my daughter. I do it because I know my child and she needs it, it is best for her. I love spending time with her and I'm certainly not desperate to get her out of the way as many seem to be assuming is the case.

Some parents may well need the time at the end of the day to unwind in peace and there isn't anything wrong with that either. I don't really see how putting them to bed late so you can lie in bed for longer in the morning is any less/more selfish.

Everyone has different lives and patterns and generally what works for one family may not for another.

this is such a silly thing to say, because the alternative could be that people who put their children to bed late because they want a later start the next day are selfishly putting their needs for a later start ahead of their children’s need to go to sleep earlier.

This opinion is so old and the debate has been done to death. I have one who is late to bed and early to rise (9pm to 5.30-6am) so I always laugh in the face of the “British people put their children to bed bafflingly early and then complain about the early rising” thing. I’m also half French and know loads of French children who go to bed early/late and wake up early/late and it’s no different to British children really.

What a nasty thread. It criticises this UK trait. Anna saying it was a culture shock. No ones forcing you to live in the uk! Nor comply with the trait. It suits many. If you doesn't suit you fine. It suited us, and ds's didn't wake up early, it worked perfectly.

Plus all these assuming the children ate a different dinner. We ate dinner together as a family at say 6pm every night. It suited us. We still do even though ds1 isn't here anymore. It suits us. It suits my diabetes. It suits lots of things.

Yeah but according to the OP your 7.30 lights out is ridiculously early too

i think the 6pm thing is few and far between, possibly just for short periods maybe when a 4yo starts school and is extra tired for a bit, it’s a bit of a red herring on these threads, trying to get up a bit of outrage about British parents being so selfish and foolish and trying to put the blame on them for early rising (which is normal for many small children)

Mine is 6 and needs her sleep, she goes up at 7:30, asleep by 7:45 usually, wakes around 7.
We pick her up around 5:15, have the walk home, always have dinner together around 6:15-6:30 and still get time together to read/watch tv/play

Should add we do let her stay up late Fri/Sat if we're doing something and she's up later on holiday every night to watch the entertainment.

Same.
Mine would be sound asleep by 7pm and sleep like tops but we had lots of fresh air and walked everywhere in those days.
We had a good bedtime routine and I had a lovely evening of peace and quiet.
Not apologising for that!
Not all children are bad sleepers.

Mine has to be up at half 5 for me to be able to walk the dog, get her to nursery and myself to work. If she goes to sleep later than 7.30 she's unbearable the next day, and I don't think it's fair for her to be tired and miserable, and I don't want to have to deal with it either.
We eat together at 6 and I go to bed at 9.30. it works for us.
If I'm not at work she goes later and gets up at 7 ish.

My kids could go to bed at 10pm (6 and 8) and still wake at 6am so trust me, through years of experimenting, late bed time doesn't always equate to late rising. My kids need to be in breakfast club for 7.30am and all of us out the door by then so I can only assume this isn't the case for those keeping their kids up longer. I'm sure we probably would if our schedules weren't so hectic.

You do what suits you, your family and your circumstances.

I'm in the south of Italy. There's no direct translation of the word "bedtime" in Italian and few families would put small children to bed before they went themselves. Obviously that's because they've slept all afternoon in most cases so aren't tired.

Once they get to school it's really the same. Nursery starts at age 3 and runs through to 6 and it's much more "formal" than UK nursery. Everybody goes for those 3 years and the programme they follow is in line with the British EY programme. It's not compulsory (in the way that British kids don't have to go to school until they're 5. In Italy they have to be in school the academic year they turn 6, but they've all done 3 years of nursery first and it's very very rare that they can't already read and write when they get to school)

Nursery finishes at lunchtime. School finishes at lunchtime. They sleep until beginning their homework/afternoon activities.

I don't think the comment about British people feeling superior for getting up early is true either. The British working day/schoolday starts much later than in many other places. Mumsnet (though obviously that's just a snapshot) is full of threads moaning that their neighbours mow the lawn at 10 on a Sunday when they want to sleep.

A lot of it is about this "getting your evenings back" narrative. Which, in my more cynical moments seems to me to be about men having the 2020s equivalent of "dinner on the table and pipe and slippers in front of the fire". And which is also setting women up for failure. "She can't even get those kids to bed."

We get up at 6-6.30 here. I like a nice steady morning with plenty of time to make them a proper breakfast etc.
Mine are all six and under and go to bed at 7pm. The older two (6 and 4) are allowed to listen to their story boxes until they’re ready to fall asleep which is always before 8pm.

I had a mum who couldn’t get out of bed before 7.30am but it would often be later. I hated the rushed mornings. The shouting. Having shoes thrown at you to quickly out on. No time for breakfast. Getting in trouble at school for being late again.

I much prefer it our way around. Especially when they’re so little.

I need some time in the evening to myself and I have to get up at 6 for work anyway. I think a 7ish bed time is ideal for little people and means they get enough sleep before their busy day starts. Fine to knock it all later if you're not working /going to school I guess.