Are UK parents obsessed with getting their kids to bed early?

[RosieLeaLovesTea]

Am I the only one that thinks UK parents are obsessed with getting their kids to bed early? I see posts of 7pm/7.30pm, some as early as 6pm.

I work full time and don’t get home until 6.30pm. We don’t eat until 7pm. So generally 9pm is bedtime. Plus it means that if we do go out at weekends our kids are used to going to bed a bit later.

Completely different set up in Asia, at least. I grew up in an Asian country and I was playing outside till dinner time, and then again after, day after day. My parents got plenty of child free time.

It seems like, rather than U.K. parents being obsessed with early bedtimes, a proportion of people overseas are obsessed with when U.K. children go to bed. Why is that?

If your child sleeps 10 hours and you sleep 8 then that's two hours of child free time regardless of whether it's in the morning, evening, or a nap after lunch. I liked an hour either side of my sleep (which was just how it worked out).

Again, the assumption that all primary school kids need 12 hours sleep a night!

@Bharath I agree and sometimes partners who can't be arsed with younger kids being around can put pressure on too .

To be honest when I have had the odd period not working with young kids- I felt I wanted them in bed by 7.30 too - when I worked I didn't rush it and it was more like 8 to 8.30

This! Our DS has just turned one. I’ve never managed to get him to bed before half past eight. DH and I work four long days 8-6 each in the week (so we each have him one week day each for childcare). Even on my days off I never manage to make a meal so we can eat before seven ish.

I see all these people on Instagram giving their children tea at 5 and in bed by 6.30. Even if there is a SAHP and only one is working. The working parent would only see the child a short time before bed. Then parents eat totally different food to the child for their tea.

We all eat the same meal at 7 which I find is easier. DS1 and DSD10 when she is with us. It helps us to eat out as a family and have a wide variety of foods.

DS1 tends to sleep through from 8.30 to 7.30 or later if I don’t wake him. Sometimes he will want a bottle at 4 in the morning but that is rare. He seems fine. He has a short nap in the morning and his last nap at four which can be two hours.

This is a rambling post but in short. I feel perpetually guilty that I can’t manage this early bed time that seems thrust on us as a cultural idea. However a later bed time fits with our lifestyle. We can eat with and see the children before bedtime. The children get enough sleep ie more than ten hours a night. We still get a few hours of adult time on a night which is used to clean. Lol. I really shouldn’t feel guilty about this. Nobody should.

Yep in Spain kids are eating out at 8pm!

My child goes to be at 7pm and wakes at 6am. If he goes to bed at 8pm he wakes at 6am. If he goes to bed at 9pm he wakes at 6am and so on, you get the picture. So why would I torture myself with an overtired child for a few extra hours?

I’m a Scandinavian and in my home country kids usually go to bed same time as the parents. They may play outside until 9pm or they might be ratty overtired nightmares indoors. Dinner is usually eaten at 5-6pm and then s light bedtime snack at 9’ish before you start the bath routine etc. There’s none of the “sipping wine and reading a highbrow book whilst DC play queitly with lego on the floor” 😂 .

As we live here, my DC were asleep by 7pm and no faffing with tantrums and snacks later on, I know which routine I much preferred!!

In my home country the schools also may not start until 11am on some days 🤷‍♀️ and because they start school at seven years old, there’s big 6-7 year olds at nursery-preschools who are made to nap after lunch. Depends from nursery to nursery but what I’ve heard, the staff often demand the oldest kids to at least lie down quietly so they can have their cup of coffee in peace…

And why is it always UK being unfavourably compared to other countries? Between countries you can’t always compare like for like. As a foreigner myself, I much prefer it here and think “rest of the world” with their late sleeptimes are wrong .

Exactly. There is a range of normal. DS needed 11 hours at two, 10 hours when starting school.

Also, I love visiting Spain but holidays aside, god I’d hate to be eating at 9pm every night 😵‍💫

Based on my experience in Southern Spain, it may be too hot to eat any earlier!

If you want him to go to sleep at 6:30 or 7 don't allow him to sleep at 4 ! Many, many British parents will go to great lengths to prevent a sleep after 3 or 4pm and wake children around this time to ensure an early bedtime. There isn't a child in the world that will sleep for 2 hours at 4 then settle at 7.

It probably doesn't matter, given there are millions (billions?) Of children all who have different bedtimes, and adults who were also once children and many I'm sure have survived to be functioning adults. It would be interesting to know if there is actual data on this, which I'm sure there probably is.

@SeeingSpots I agree my two year old gets up earlier if he goes to bed later. He has a 7pm bedtime and he gets up at 6 if he goes late it's 5 or earlier 🙄 I wouldn't say I'm obsessed with bedtime but I rather have a happy child with enough sleep than a grumpy one (which he is if he's tired) and I get mum time from seven so works for all of us xx

@EmeraldFox have an evening without the kids being awake? To have a peaceful bath, watch tv, do a workout meal prep just anything that doesn’t involve the kids being awake. I have them 24/7 so you bet they are going to bed in bed by 7pm so I can have a few hours without them 😂 would 100% rather them wake early and have an evening on my own than having them to till 9pm sounds like hell

Our two (twins) would never go to sleep early, we did try 7.30ish bedtime, and a lot of my family were quite judgy about it. I quite liked that they didn’t get up at stupid o clock though! I think it was a combination of being night owls (still are) and sharing a room. I did like that they would stay up later on holidays for a later dinner, entertainment etc. with no drama unlike some kids who cannot handle later nights. There were also times when I wished they would just go to sleep! All children and families are different.

I'm British and I don't understand putting kids to bed early either! My lot all play cricket, football or are busy with other activities....mine have never had a set bedtime as we are always out at sports training or matches for them. My 7 year olds football training doesn't finish til 8pm so it still surprises me when I hear about kids that age being in bed by 7!

I am, whether they go or not is another story 🤣 haha no we are quite flexible and always had a loose routine, mine are not really early risers so don't have super early nights!

My daughter has started to go to bed at 8 (was 7-7:30) to be honest I think we will have to move it back forward!
We have to wake her at 7:30 to go to nursery but from September wrap around is from 7am so she will need to be up by 6:30.
Shes always been fine staying up later at holidays or weekends.
I also have a 4 month old that goes to bed at 9. She would happily sleep until 9 but I try to wake her about 8 to feed her. She will also need to be getting up much earlier come September!

But that's just how your schedule works. Other people have different schedules. We both work but from home, we have flex hours and the kids are home at 4pm on the three days they go to nursery. My husband chooses to work 8-4, as he's fortunate to be able to do, and has no commute. We all eat together about 5:45pm.

It's all just timing, isn't it? It's not that we are doing less with our kids or you are doing less or whatever, the times are just shifted to how your life works.

That's the point. People who put their kids in bed at 7 probably aren't returning home at 6.30pm. They just have a different life schedule, so they might spend that time with their kids between 4 and 7, rather than 6 and 9. Neither is better or more virtuous than the other.

Oh and my 1yo was in bed at 6.30pm last night and slept till 7am. She always has at least 12 hours sleep overnight. If I put her to bed at 8.30/9 we wouldn't be able to get to nursery on time on nursery days without waking her before she's ready, she'd be rushed out of the door with no breakfast or time for me to feed her, etc. So we do what works for us!

That’s my kids, I’m afraid. Sitting on the floor doing colouring in at a wedding… pallid faces… while mummy is doing the YMCA at 10.30pm.

I wouldn’t say I’m obsessed with an early bed time, what I am obsessed with is my small child not been an absolute nightmare because she goes to bed too late. Prime example. Saturday night had friends over so bed time wasn’t until 9.30, woke up on Sunday at 6.22. Spent all day Sunday being grumpy. So bedtime on Sunday was 7pm, woke up at 6 am on Monday in a much better mood. I know some people
dont get that if a child goes to bed later they won’t always wake up later but a lay in is a thing of the past in my house

My 1yo needs 12 hours too, so her bedtime is about 7ish and she’s a great sleeper. My older kids go up about 8.30. You’re totally right - it’s whatever works for you and them.

When I was younger and I lived in Spain I observed that the kids all stay up late-late. Like 10 or 11pm. But also, they seemed more likely to take a midday nap, even if they were beyond what we would deem napping age.

It’s cultural as much as anything. And in the U.K., it’s surely likely to be firmly rooting in old farming culture. There is no use in anyone being up late and rising late when our days are short and cold for half of the year.