Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Has anyone been ghosted after drunk texting?

42 replies

Bananas819 · 17/06/2023 19:55

I’ve been very casually hooking up with this guy for a few weeks. Either one of us or both of us is usually drunk. It’s not what I want at all but I can’t seem to stop myself giving into him when he gives me (an extremely limited amount of) attention. And I think I’ve become emotionally attached too because of all the intimacy.

Well, last night I was the one who was fairly drunk and I texted him a bit. And I also called him. He said that he was out with friends and basically made it clear to me he didn’t want to see me (everything has pretty much been on his terms because the last time I saw him it was him coming over to mine when he was drunk after he suggested it and I was in my PJs - stupid mistake). He replied a bit last night but then just stopped.

I messaged him today saying sorry for being drunk and basically sending him a few messages but again he’s ignored that. I really do feel like I pissed him off last night and a ghost is coming…(probably was inevitable eventually but it’s still not a nice feeling).

I know deep down that this is the right / best thing to happen as I need to move on and I know the feelings will pass. But right now it feels so shit. I shouldn’t care but I do.

Has anyone else been ghosted after drunk texting? I don’t even do it to be annoying, it’s just because I have way more confident when I am drunk! 🥺

OP posts:
FelicityBeedle · 17/06/2023 20:01

He said he wasn’t interested, that’s not ghosting that’s ending it

Original poster
Bananas819 · 17/06/2023 20:02

@FelicityBeedle sorry no I meant he didn’t want to see me last night but that we would speak “soon”

OP posts:
Pixiesfan · 17/06/2023 20:04

You're better off without him OP. He's done you a favour in the long run.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Dating General relationships
Original poster
Bananas819 · 17/06/2023 20:05

Thanks @Pixiesfan
I just hate the idea that he took the control and I said the last word. I wish it had been me, if you get what I mean?
I am wondering whether it’s a good idea for me to block him

OP posts:
Original poster
Bananas819 · 17/06/2023 20:13

Has this ever happened to anyone else? Just feel so sad now

OP posts:
potsandpots79 · 17/06/2023 20:18

Yes and he's a dick. Anyone who has been on receiving end would know and understand. You just let your anxiety known and it got you the answers you wanted. You prob knew it inside and he confirmed it by being unkind.

Original poster
Bananas819 · 17/06/2023 20:25

@potsandpots79 yes. He’s shown me absolutely no respect whatsoever. And it hurts right now

OP posts:
ComtesseDeSpair · 17/06/2023 20:28

I have blocked and deleted men who continued to pester me with messages when I’d already said I was busy / wasn’t available, yes. Which seems like what’s happened here.

Move on, work on your boundaries and why you’re so hung up on a man you don’t really want in a hook up situation you don’t really want to be in and so desperate for his attention. Stop trying to date for a bit, concentrate on yourself and perhaps making (or focusing on the ones you already have) some nice platonic friends who can offer care and support and give your head a wobble over you picking unsuitable men.

AceofPentacles · 17/06/2023 20:28

Oh he'll be back - next time he's drunk

I had one of these for quite a long time, he was totally flabbergasted when I broke it off as I'd met someone (much better than him)

Flocider · 17/06/2023 20:32

Oh he'll be back - next time he's drunk

Yep!

I have been on both sides to be honest OP, not proud of it but when I was at university I was very clear with anyone I 'dated' (using that loosely here) that I didn't want anything serious. Some would keep messaging when I hadn't replied or send cringy drunken messages, I didn't think badly of them but broke things off with them often too bluntly because I knew someone was going to get hurt. I have also sent some clangers which have seemingly scared people off...not for many years mind so not sure what things are like now.

Either way he won't be sat there worrying about it so I wouldn't expend mental energy doing so either. It sucks when you are enjoying yourself but seems like it's for the best in the long run anyway.

Forgottenmypasswordagain · 17/06/2023 20:34

I'm sorry your feelings have been hurt. Probably best lay off the alcohol if you drunk text. He may want to contact you later on when he feels less annoyed at your drunk texting.

Forgottenmypasswordagain · 17/06/2023 20:39

Ps. I think it is ok you sent that last text apologuising for texting him when he was socializing. So don't worry about that. Better than cringing in a corner, you owned up and apologuised.

Original poster
Bananas819 · 17/06/2023 20:47

Thanks all. I don’t actually think my messages were that bad - I think I’ve sent more / drunken ones in the past. And called more!

What annoys me is the double standards. He came over to mine last week (yes I did let him but didn’t realise how drunk he was) and I was nice to him, sat up with him when he was smoking, gave him water etc. Doesn’t like it when I do it though.

OP posts:
GreenAventurine · 17/06/2023 20:51

AceofPentacles · 17/06/2023 20:28

Oh he'll be back - next time he's drunk

I had one of these for quite a long time, he was totally flabbergasted when I broke it off as I'd met someone (much better than him)

This!

Original poster
Bananas819 · 17/06/2023 21:21

So he has actually messaged me just now. Which has made me feel loads better because the ball is semi back in my court. I am just going to ignore him though - match his energy

OP posts:
Tigertigertigertiger · 17/06/2023 21:22

What did the message say?

GreenAventurine · 17/06/2023 21:25

Bananas819 · 17/06/2023 21:21

So he has actually messaged me just now. Which has made me feel loads better because the ball is semi back in my court. I am just going to ignore him though - match his energy

Will you realllllly though?

I hope so.

From experience, you’ll be messaging back within the half hour.
This kind of situation is never worth it, I promise.

StellaGibson2022 · 17/06/2023 21:31

Oh OP! There is absolutely nothing wrong drunk texting.

Call it quits - he is showing you who he iis. Youve spebt today feeling shit - is he really worth it? No it isnt!!!

Original poster
Bananas819 · 17/06/2023 22:08

@Tigertigertigertiger basically that I was drunk and then he said he was out tonight… hmmm

@GreenAventurine I haven’t replied! Haven’t even read the message

OP posts:
Aubree17 · 17/06/2023 22:21

It was over before the drunk texting.
It wasn't right,
Anyone who was right wouldn't treat you in the way he has and leave you feeling how you do.
Forget him and focus on meeting someone right for you, He's out there.

dancinggoosey · 17/06/2023 22:30

Honestly, I expect he will pop up again when he fancies another hook up.

MrJollyLivesNextDoor · 17/06/2023 23:05

Bananas819 · 17/06/2023 21:21

So he has actually messaged me just now. Which has made me feel loads better because the ball is semi back in my court. I am just going to ignore him though - match his energy

Why play ridiculous games?

Just block him and find some self respect!

drippyavecdrip · 17/06/2023 23:16

Lots of us have been there.
No need to tell the OP to get some self respect.

My advice would be, ignore him for now but see him if and when you want to.

Plus get back in the dating game, you might meet someone who ticks all the boxes!!

Zingylimes · 17/06/2023 23:24

You feel worse because of the beer fear/hangover. Now you only feel better because you need his validation and you’ve got it. Doesn’t mean he’s right for you. I think you need to bin him, you’ve already acknowledged you’re more keen than him.

Maloneyb · 17/06/2023 23:26

Sorry OP. sounds like he’s just using you when he wants. Take the power away from him and move on. Funny there’s always a guy like this and when we look back we think what the hell were we thinking!