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Original poster

Left DC to cry hysterically

42 replies

TheWorstMitch · 15/06/2023 19:52

I messed up badly this eve. Put DC (7mths) to bed, then went downstairs to make my own dinner and stupidly didn’t realise the baby monitor wasn’t plugged in. It only turns on if there’s a noise in the room, so didn’t think anything of screen being black. House not that big, but had the fan on while cooking and suddenly hear screaming. I run upstairs to a hysterically upset baby sobbing. Took a good five-ten mins to fully calm down which is completely out of character. Normally no matter how upset DC is the second I pick them up for a cuddle all is ok.

I don’t know how long DC was crying. Could be as much as fifteen minutes I think. I feel absolutely awful especially of how hard it was to soothe them. I’m worried I’ve done baby harm and caused some kind of attachment disorder or something. I essentially left DC to cry it out (as far as they know) even if it was completely on accident. I am so sorry.

As a single incident how likely will I have caused DC long term harm?

OP posts:
dammiejodger · 15/06/2023 19:53

Relax. No harm caused.

Careerdilemma · 15/06/2023 19:56

I did something similar around the same age. I'm totally anti CIO and have always been super responsive. I was inconsolable at the time, but honestly now looking back I don't believe it did any harm at all as a one off. It was a single incident and I don't believe it shook his faith that I would always come if he cried.

Be kind to yourself. It was an honest and easy mistake.

orangeflags · 15/06/2023 19:57

We all mess up sometimes. When my first born was very little I forgot I had a baby in the car seat. Put the car away in the garage. Came indoors and locked up the garage. Massive panic when I suddenly realised what I had done about half an hour later

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Original poster
TheWorstMitch · 15/06/2023 20:00

Thank you guys. I just can’t believe I didn’t hear DC. I feel so sorry and can’t even explain why I didn’t come as of course DC doesn’t understand.

OP posts:
Careerdilemma · 15/06/2023 20:40

It might sound bonkers, but I would totally explain and apologise. I think children understand a lot more and a lot earlier than we give them credit for. Plus it does us good as parents to get into the habit of always apologising to our children when we make a mistake.

I've always talked to mine as if they understand me and have often been surprised at how much they do.

Even if they have no clue, it might well make you feel better and discharge some of the emotion around it.

RedRobyn2021 · 15/06/2023 20:53

I'm sorry OP that must have been horrible. You are being hard on yourself, you must know deep down that how you show up as a parent everyday counts a lot more than once accident, which could happen to anyone.

Please be kind to yourself.

RedRobyn2021 · 15/06/2023 20:53

Careerdilemma · 15/06/2023 20:40

It might sound bonkers, but I would totally explain and apologise. I think children understand a lot more and a lot earlier than we give them credit for. Plus it does us good as parents to get into the habit of always apologising to our children when we make a mistake.

I've always talked to mine as if they understand me and have often been surprised at how much they do.

Even if they have no clue, it might well make you feel better and discharge some of the emotion around it.

I would do this too, I agree.

violetcuriosity · 15/06/2023 21:06

Please don't worry. Think about when you're in the car on a motorway, you can't just pull over and console, imagine it's the same situation 💖. The amount of times mine have had to scream for about 20 mins when I've been in traffic jams and when you try and talk to them it makes them more hysterical so I've ended up just having my hand stretched back silently 😫

Redebs · 15/06/2023 21:18

Baby will just have been so pleased to see you ❤
A one off occasion won't have had any harm.
It's only when it's repeated, for example when people do sleep 'training', that it causes issues with stress.

Thankgoodnessforabitofsun · 15/06/2023 21:19

OP, I’ve done the same thing myself and was so upset. Baby is now a very confident and happy 8year old. I honestly believe that your baby will it be damaged by 1 incident like that, though I can imagine you are very upset about it. Your baby is abd will be fine

MrsTerryPratchett · 15/06/2023 21:22

Unless you have a Time Machine, you'll need to forgive yourself. Good practice for the 1000 times you'll need to do it over the course of the next few years. Extra cuddles mainly for you and try not to worry.

Original poster
TheWorstMitch · 15/06/2023 21:24

Careerdilemma · 15/06/2023 20:40

It might sound bonkers, but I would totally explain and apologise. I think children understand a lot more and a lot earlier than we give them credit for. Plus it does us good as parents to get into the habit of always apologising to our children when we make a mistake.

I've always talked to mine as if they understand me and have often been surprised at how much they do.

Even if they have no clue, it might well make you feel better and discharge some of the emotion around it.

I did. while trying to console DC. Kept saying I’m sorry I’m so sorry. I didn’t know you were upset or I would have come. It won’t happen again. I’m so sorry. I’m not sure whether DC accepted the apology but they woke up again (I’m sitting on bed with them) and smiled and smushed my hair in their face and burried head in my arm and went back to sleep. So think I may be forgiven.

OP posts:
LakeTiticaca · 15/06/2023 21:25

Don't beat yourself up. Your not the first, won't be the last. Baby will be fine x

Kanaloa · 15/06/2023 21:25

I dropped my child once by mistake. She was probably 9 months? Dropped her right on her butt. However, that was the only time I ever dropped her. So I don’t think she thought ‘mummy threw me on the ground.’

And that’s the thing. 99.9% of the time you do not leave the baby crying. This one time will not stick in her mind as the norm, because she knows every other time you come.

Original poster
TheWorstMitch · 15/06/2023 21:25

violetcuriosity · 15/06/2023 21:06

Please don't worry. Think about when you're in the car on a motorway, you can't just pull over and console, imagine it's the same situation 💖. The amount of times mine have had to scream for about 20 mins when I've been in traffic jams and when you try and talk to them it makes them more hysterical so I've ended up just having my hand stretched back silently 😫

I’m actually a bit nuts and so paranoid about this that baby is in front seat next to me (with airbag switched off) so can see me and I can touch them if upset. I may need to get a grip.

OP posts:
Original poster
TheWorstMitch · 15/06/2023 21:26

Thankgoodnessforabitofsun · 15/06/2023 21:19

OP, I’ve done the same thing myself and was so upset. Baby is now a very confident and happy 8year old. I honestly believe that your baby will it be damaged by 1 incident like that, though I can imagine you are very upset about it. Your baby is abd will be fine

Thank you!

OP posts:
Kanaloa · 15/06/2023 21:26

Plus the reason she cried was because she’s used to being immediately responded to. If you were a rubbish mum and she wasn’t attached to you she wouldn’t have bothered getting really upset - the whole reason she got really upset was because it was so out of the norm.

Original poster
TheWorstMitch · 15/06/2023 21:28

Kanaloa · 15/06/2023 21:26

Plus the reason she cried was because she’s used to being immediately responded to. If you were a rubbish mum and she wasn’t attached to you she wouldn’t have bothered getting really upset - the whole reason she got really upset was because it was so out of the norm.

I’ll try and think of it like that.

Thank you all so much. I feel better and will never not double check the baby monitor again (and possibly go to bed at 19.00 with DC for a while 😂)

OP posts:
DustyLee123 · 15/06/2023 21:31

Don’t worry. The first time I went out at my DS’s bedtime, and left him with DH, I came back to DH holding a hysterical child covered in sick, with sick all over the cot and carpet too !

BelindaBears · 15/06/2023 21:32

As a single incident how likely will I have caused DC long term harm?

Zero. Give yourself some grace, your baby is absolutely fine now.

Simonjt · 15/06/2023 21:32

It happens, I did this when home alone, I was scared to admit to my very nice husband as I thought he would think I was a crap Dad and I was scared SS would find out (our daughter is adopted). Thinking bonkers things is normal, you’ll think “wtf” in the few weeks time.

BertieBotts · 15/06/2023 21:33

That's not how attachment disorder is caused - don't worry.

Of course it wasn't very nice for her, but these things happen. You responded as soon as you realised. Don't beat yourself up!

If you are noticing a pattern of anxiety about things then it might be worth speaking to your HV or GP in case it's the start of something like PNA? Or, and I might be totally off the mark... if you're following a load of extreme attachment type social media accounts/groups, bin them off or at the very least mute them. They can make you crazy and some of the things encouraged simply aren't healthy (I say this with kindness as a mum who co-slept, breastfed for years etc never even put DS1 down for about the first 8 weeks... but the social media was not as extreme or polarising 15 yrs ago)

SeriouslyStressed57 · 15/06/2023 21:34

Did the same around the same age. Baby was doing those horrid little suck the air in sobs and I felt awful!!

MathsNervous · 15/06/2023 21:37

It's a one off, they will be fine honestly. Give yourself a break 💐

Original poster
TheWorstMitch · 15/06/2023 21:38

DustyLee123 · 15/06/2023 21:31

Don’t worry. The first time I went out at my DS’s bedtime, and left him with DH, I came back to DH holding a hysterical child covered in sick, with sick all over the cot and carpet too !

Oh god how horrible for all three of you!

OP posts: