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Original poster

Left DC to cry hysterically

42 replies

TheWorstMitch · 15/06/2023 19:52

I messed up badly this eve. Put DC (7mths) to bed, then went downstairs to make my own dinner and stupidly didn’t realise the baby monitor wasn’t plugged in. It only turns on if there’s a noise in the room, so didn’t think anything of screen being black. House not that big, but had the fan on while cooking and suddenly hear screaming. I run upstairs to a hysterically upset baby sobbing. Took a good five-ten mins to fully calm down which is completely out of character. Normally no matter how upset DC is the second I pick them up for a cuddle all is ok.

I don’t know how long DC was crying. Could be as much as fifteen minutes I think. I feel absolutely awful especially of how hard it was to soothe them. I’m worried I’ve done baby harm and caused some kind of attachment disorder or something. I essentially left DC to cry it out (as far as they know) even if it was completely on accident. I am so sorry.

As a single incident how likely will I have caused DC long term harm?

OP posts:
Original poster
TheWorstMitch · 15/06/2023 21:39

Simonjt · 15/06/2023 21:32

It happens, I did this when home alone, I was scared to admit to my very nice husband as I thought he would think I was a crap Dad and I was scared SS would find out (our daughter is adopted). Thinking bonkers things is normal, you’ll think “wtf” in the few weeks time.

Relatable. I posted here because thought I can’t text my friends or they’ll think I’m a shit mum.

OP posts:
HRTQueen · 15/06/2023 21:41

I for some bizarre reason decided to leave ds in his walker while I knocked on my neighbours door to give her a parcel

normally I would take him out when I left the room

then of course I shut the door behind me 🙄 ds wore himself out zooming around like Lewis Hamilton waving at me before falling asleep while I waited for the emergency locksmith (who opened the door by putting a coat hanger through the letter box)

my neighbour had a hammer just in case we needed to smash the bedroom window to get in I feel guilty I didn’t do this even though ds was absolutely fine

Original poster
TheWorstMitch · 15/06/2023 21:41

BertieBotts · 15/06/2023 21:33

That's not how attachment disorder is caused - don't worry.

Of course it wasn't very nice for her, but these things happen. You responded as soon as you realised. Don't beat yourself up!

If you are noticing a pattern of anxiety about things then it might be worth speaking to your HV or GP in case it's the start of something like PNA? Or, and I might be totally off the mark... if you're following a load of extreme attachment type social media accounts/groups, bin them off or at the very least mute them. They can make you crazy and some of the things encouraged simply aren't healthy (I say this with kindness as a mum who co-slept, breastfed for years etc never even put DS1 down for about the first 8 weeks... but the social media was not as extreme or polarising 15 yrs ago)

Thank you. Despite what the current situation may suggest I am generally really quite chill. Think that may be it, DC is such an ‘easy’ baby and rarely cries so to see them so upset because of my own stupidity was awful

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PerfectPrepPrincess · 15/06/2023 21:42

The worst thing you're doing is putting your baby in the front car seat! Sooooo dangerous honey! Just tilt your rear view mirror and get one for the back passenger seat so you can see their face when glancing back in the mirror.

HRTQueen · 15/06/2023 21:43

And ds who is now 16 loves to tell the walker story 😬😆

you will have times you feel guilty it’s part of parenting I’m afraid

Original poster
TheWorstMitch · 15/06/2023 21:43

HRTQueen · 15/06/2023 21:41

I for some bizarre reason decided to leave ds in his walker while I knocked on my neighbours door to give her a parcel

normally I would take him out when I left the room

then of course I shut the door behind me 🙄 ds wore himself out zooming around like Lewis Hamilton waving at me before falling asleep while I waited for the emergency locksmith (who opened the door by putting a coat hanger through the letter box)

my neighbour had a hammer just in case we needed to smash the bedroom window to get in I feel guilty I didn’t do this even though ds was absolutely fine

I am picturing the zooming waving baby 😂

OP posts:
Redebs · 15/06/2023 21:44

Kanaloa · 15/06/2023 21:26

Plus the reason she cried was because she’s used to being immediately responded to. If you were a rubbish mum and she wasn’t attached to you she wouldn’t have bothered getting really upset - the whole reason she got really upset was because it was so out of the norm.

So true 👍

Be reassured OP. These things happen despite taking every care. Your baby has forgiven you and no harm done x

Original poster
TheWorstMitch · 15/06/2023 21:45

PerfectPrepPrincess · 15/06/2023 21:42

The worst thing you're doing is putting your baby in the front car seat! Sooooo dangerous honey! Just tilt your rear view mirror and get one for the back passenger seat so you can see their face when glancing back in the mirror.

Promise it’s safe. Manufacturer of both car and car seat agree as do even the most hardcore car seat safety mummy groups. Rear facing baby carrier with airbag off is completely fine x

OP posts:
HRTQueen · 15/06/2023 21:48

It wasn’t just me watching him it was my neighbours too ds was loving it 😫

your baby is fine 😊 ds was fine 😊

atthebottomofthehill · 15/06/2023 21:51

Evolutionarily there is no possibility that a child crying for 15 minutes as a one off (or infrequently) would damage their brain or your attachment. Zero possibility.

Phoenix76 · 15/06/2023 21:58

Agree with all pps, your lovely baby will be fine and has probably forgotten about it now while your left torturing yourself and replaying it over and over in your head like a form of punishment 😆

One thing I did notice was though, when I was upset about similar things and trying to console my babies, I imagine the fact that they could see I was upset made them cry even harder (maybe it made them scared?) Needless to say I very quickly learnt to be more calming ☺️

oakleaffy · 15/06/2023 22:05

@TheWorstMitch ..15 mins? That's nothing.

My old neighbour would leave their newborn for hours to scream and cry- She worked for social services!

It was very distressing to listen to.

Believe me, a distressed child's crying penetrates walls like armour piercing bullets- so your child would have let you hear had they really been in a state.

Climbles · 15/06/2023 22:08

You’re really going to beat yourself up in the teenage years. Although I’ll bet you will have made many mistakes by then and chilled out a bit.

pontipinemum · 15/06/2023 22:27

I really wouldn't worry. I know you feel like crap but it happens. I had the monitor on one evening and then suddenly hear DS crying from his room. I had the sound down 😳I felt awful but just cuddled him and said sorry.

Original poster
TheWorstMitch · 15/06/2023 22:42

So glad I posted. MN can be a bit hit and miss and let’s face it I could have had people suggesting I hand myself into social services immediately.
Thank you for the kind words and similar stories. Going to bed with my hopefully non-traumatised baby!

OP posts:
GrannyRose15 · 10/04/2024 01:03

LakeTiticaca · 15/06/2023 21:25

Don't beat yourself up. Your not the first, won't be the last. Baby will be fine x

Agreed

walkerscrispsarethenuts · 10/04/2024 01:11

We didn't have baby monitors when my kids were babies.

We heard them if they cried.

Don't worry about it!!!!

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