Menopause and older women in the workplace

[BansheeofInisherin]

I know this belongs in the Menopause section, but it's not very busy, so I am putting it here.

I am 51, going through a difficult menopause with bastard fibroids and all the rest of it. Just started HRT; too early to see any effect. Have a hysterectomy scheduled later this year after Mirena did not suit me. Lots of anxiety, little sleep, terrible flooding every month which soaks through my pads.

Anyway, workwise, I am not at my best. But I feel reluctant to talk about this in the workplace as older women problems seem taboo in a way. I work in a very young environment because I switched careers after being an SAHM.

There's lots of talk about mental health, social anxiety, maternity issues, LGBT issues, transpeople issues, POC issues ( I am one myself) but hardly a whisper about menopause and the accomodations needed.

How I feel is like getting old is the last taboo. I feel like there is a sort of veiled contempt of older women- boomer!- which would not be tolerated about any other community. Some especially liberal young people start by falling over themselves to treat me well because of my Asian name, then when they meet me, I detect a sort of vague sentiment of " Oh well, she's only a boomer and well past it."

Am I imagining all this?

I haven’t found this but my workplace is very female dominated (school), there are quite a few of us on the peri-menopausal/menopausal/fibroids/heavy periods journey. Some pregnant/some TTC/some back from may leave with very young DC we all try to support each other as best we can.

I am really struggling just now I’m on HRT but it’s not really helping plus I have fibromyalgia and the two combined have pushed me over the edge. After the Summer holidays I’m reducing my days I have had some lucky you comments and wish I could though.

Cut down on spicy foods

I’d love to know what this refers to and the evidence for it. I do the Zoe plan and it promotes lots of healthy eating habits but they have no issues cooking with chillis etc. Now if you’d said processed foods that would be a different issue.

I hear you OP and I was sadly turned down for HRT because of my weight. I hate the secrecy around “women’s issues” - we should all feel as comfortable talking about stomach cramps ( period pain) or brain fog ( menopause) in the same way we discuss a migraine or arthritis. It’s the secrecy that is “othering”

Thanks @mrschocolatte - really useful.
It's also good to hear from someone who started HRT after periods ended. (A lot of the recent media focus has been on peri.)

I’m 47 and probably peri menopausal but would rather not have any special training or ‘awareness’ about if I’m being honest.

I suffered through horrendous heavy periods for years until I discovered the miracle called tranexamic acid. Despite feeling a bit ‘wobbly’ at work some days due to blood loss I just got on with things.

The last thing I need as a middle aged woman is another reason to be looked down on and discriminated against.

@kizziee You’re right - much of the focus and chatter has been around peri menopause and so many women (and GPs) don’t understand the difference and how it should be managed. That’s why I think it’s important for there to be a dialogue about this and raise awareness because the consequence could be, you end up being given the wrong treatment which in my situation led to what happened to me and had a significant impact on my life.

I know some women would rather not talk about it in the workplace for fear of it being another stick to get beaten with - but we already are and have been for years! In my younger years I heard loads of insults and derogatory comments directed at menopausal women in the workplace to deride and put them down. I’m not putting up with that and happy to challenge and disabuse any colleague who thinks I’m scatty and forgetful because of ‘the change’ and then have that used against me. But that’s just me I guess - I’ve never been one to suffer in silence!

It sounds to me like you might be projecting some of your own concerns onto your colleagues, although that’s understandable if you feeling shit and low. Ask for the help you need and batter your GP if you need to.

To be honest, it's possible I am projecting. I have always been pretty healthy- got a bit pudgy in the lockdown but took steps and have now lost weight- and now my body is letting me down.. On the days of my periods, I find it hard to leave the house. Tranexamic acid and Mirena not helped much. It's quite humiliating to soil my clothes, so I may be imagining stuff....

Sorry to the PP above who is suffering so much anxiety that she can't drive. I feel for you. My brain seems to be ok so far; in fact I have bursts of great productivity and creativity. But everyone is different. Last week there was a story by Lorraine Candy in the Times on this.

Anyway, I am going to soldier on and see how I do in the next few months, and then take a call. When I feel more myself.

My workplace introduced a menopause policy last year. They've also introduced employee programme support through private medical, menopause training and support sessions every other month. It's been really well received and has lead to some very open, supportive conversations.

I went into surgical menopause three years ago and have been able to have straight conversations with my male manager when I'm having a tricky day and he's been brilliant. I definitely wouldn't swap it for keeping it all to myself and soldiering on because on some days, I can barely string a sentance together and I'd be more worried that people were doubting my competence.

@Babdoc - it's bad form to criticise spelling or grammatical errors on MN. You weren't being helpful, you were being condescending.

My partners workplace has a menopause policy, do drop in sessions and have given all managers menopause awareness training amongst other things. They’re very good with allowing flexible working. I would speak to HR in your position OP if you feel you can.

I’m going through peri menopause and struggling with symptoms. Hot flushes and brain fog are the worst for me. I’ve got friends that have minimal symptoms and others that are floored with them.

As for the idiots picking up on grammar on a thread about menopause, go the fuck away. It’s a stupid thing to do on any thread unless it’s about grammar, but on a thread with women discussing brain fog, you really thought it was appropriate? I speak 3 languages, but at times, with brain fog and other menopause symptoms hitting hard, I dare say my SPaG and concentration may have not been the best. Not that it matters on a forum as it’s informal, not a workplace or an official letter. Sorry you had that aimed at you @ShesSingingThatSongAgain

If you wish to be pedantic, I'm fairly certain that you'll find you can't put a comma in a username.

Ha ha. How funny that the ones picking on others, make mistakes themselves. 😅

Isn't that so weird? I'm 47 and only just realising how old we're considered by the young lot. They seem to think we were born in 1946.

I think there's suddenly more awareness. Five years ago no one told nme my inability to sleep, focus, remember anything, etc. could be perimenopause. Only discovering mumsnet helped. Now it seems everywhere, though I still find mumsnet best for information.

I wondered three things, reading your post.

1. if it's the case, could it be because menopause is dependent on female bodies, mention of which might border on taboo amongst generations who believe we can just change sex by feeling it?

2. There is the issue a poster mentions above, that (some strands of, possibly the sort more popular on mumsnet) feminism fought to show women can do everything and anything a man can (biological differences such as semen production aside), so there's the fear that emphasising the often debilitating nature of menopause could be regressive. I doubt this is the issue here, but it could be one of the reasons why it's been less spoken about. (We need a social model where it's accepted that menopausal symptoms can be debilitating in a society that doesn't accommodate them, but need not be in one that does?)

3. Can the effects of menopause be introduced into your workplace discussions using one of the areas of awareness you mention as an opening? I'm thinking that people who are receptive to understanding disability, racism, discrimination, other areas where individual needs are overlooked or discriminated against, might gladly recognise and understand issues that are new to them if they're framed in a similar context.