No idea what to do with my life

[dineofluty]

I am 21 years old and have no idea what I want to do with my life. I left sixth form three years ago and since then have worked full time in retail. I live with my boyfriend in a not so great area, I don’t really have any hobbies and I just feel a bit lost.

I got straight 9s at GCSE and A*AA in my A levels in maths, chemistry & biology. I enjoyed high school lessons (I think possibly because the wide range of subjects kept me from being bored, and I liked the structured routine of it) but I really struggled in sixth form - my overall attendance was about 70%. I don’t feel as if I’m good at anything that’s important. I’m very shy and socially awkward and don’t have much confidence. I’m good with money/budgeting (have managed to save £16,000 from working for £11 an hour) but that’s about it.

I feel so far behind my peers who are all graduating this year. I was always “top of the class” and now I spend 40 hours a week stacking shelves. My best friends from school are now qualified nurses, engineers, or have degrees in accounting, chemistry etc. A couple of other friends are half way through medical school and will be doctors soon, and some are at Oxford and Cambridge. I feel like a huge disappointment and like I need to sort myself out but I just don’t know which path to take. I think one of the main problems is that I have so many interests and I’m struggling to commit to just one thing.

I’ve considered joining the police force or working as a nurse (largely because of job security, being able to help people, and having a decent enough work-life balance to pursue other interests). I like the idea of working e.g. three long (though difficult) shifts per week as a nurse and having 4 days off to do other things. I would consider applying for medicine but I wouldn’t get in as I have no work experience. I’ve also considered doing an engineering, maths and statistics, or accounting degree because I enjoy working with numbers and figures.

I would pretty much like a job that will eventually pay at least £35,000+ per year, has an okay work-life balance and isn’t entirely boring. If anyone has any advice I would really appreciate it. Thank you in advance.

Look for local government degree apprenticeships, I’d certainly give you an interview/invite you for a chat.

Local government offer lots of opportunities for good people.

Hi OP. I agree with everyone who has said that life is not a race and you shouldn't feel you need to have it all figured out at the age of 21. You sound so bright and motivated, you've got excellent qualifications, you've saved money, the world really is your oyster. But you'll uncover the pearls in your own time 😁

My ds is in a similar position (although his results were good, they're not quite as stellar as yours!) He did a year at uni but he's not enjoyed it so he's coming back home, going to save money and then travel. He's had the same thoughts about the army, trying uni again, apprenticeships and so on, but I think he just feels a bit overwhelmed right now. His friends are at uni or doing apprenticeships and he feels as if he's getting left behind too. So our advice has been to take some time out, travel, just spend some time thinking about what you'd like from the next 5-10 years, and most of all, don't panic!

FWIW I didn't have a 'career' until my mid-30s. And now at 50 I'm about to change it all up again! Good luck, you sound great and you'll be fine.

What about public health/epidemiology/health data science? Here are some links if you're interested - very broad field with loads of exciting possibilities

https://www.healthcareers.nhs.uk/explore-roles/public-health/roles-public-health/public-health-knowledge-and-intelligence-professional/working-life-public-health-intelligence

https://www.hdruk.ac.uk/careers-in-health-data-science/further-education/

https://www.lshtm.ac.uk/study/courses/masters-degrees/public-health

Pharmacist or Radiographer!

I personally think going to Uni at 18 is too soon and think your route is more sensible. Have some time to work and travel and enjoy your income a bit and think about what suits you and what you might enjoy perfect!
Lots of great advice on here but definitely think working in a hospital for 6 months or so is the way to go to get some insight.
Personally I think Pharmacy would give you better options but you should definitely investigate medicine also.
There seem to be more initiatives about these days to get into medicine and support people who have not gone the exact prescribed route.
I know you say you want to get on with life but really you have years of working life ahead of you so can afford to take the time.

Firstky, your degree doesn’t have to define your life. My undergraduate degree that o did at 18 is unrelated to my post-grad which I did at 28. Just pick a good course - any course - but focus on the university. Any top tier uni will want you with those grades and as an independent’mature’ student, and long term it’s the uni that matters, not so much the course.

You don’t have to map your life out now. There will be changes and these will all be possible.

But, with your skill set, I’d 100% go accounting and focus on international business accounting. My friends - a couple - are minted from this. One has retired at 45 and the other works two days a week and is still on 6 figures!

You clearly have a logical mind, but your life is not something you can control perfectly in advance. Go to uni, have a ball. Don’t stress.

Few other things to put on the table for you to think about.

If you want to go to uni, GO, this will only get harder as you get older and get more commitments used to earning a salary etc. I also got very little financial support from my parents and contrary to all the advice, worked throughout my degree to afford it- 10 hours a week term time but upping to nearly full time in the holidays.

I also didn’t have a clue what I wanted to do post uni but I did want to stay in a certain area so I chose the biggest employer in that area, which happened to be in investment banking and have worked my way up from a basic entry level role to mid management. My friends who went on to be teachers, nurses etc judged me but actually I outearn all my school peers, have an interesting and varied role with lots of opportunities and also have a great work life balance. I work in operations so it’s 9-6, no thrashing yourself. Nowadays they have a great apprenticeship programme which includes a degree from a RG university that they pay for, as well as you working 4 days a week for a salary- this is something that might appeal to you as someone who is used to working? The roles are hugely hugely varied from processing roles, to project management, technology, HR etc. Once in the door you can transfer your way to anything that you like pretty much!

Sorry, to add, I work around 3 days a week (I could work full time) in the arts but my post-grad gave me a specific specialism so I now earn £1500 per day. I could not have planned this path as my field is so unknown. At 21 I was on a completely different path. Life be funny!

My local authority runs apprenticeships. It’s low paid to start with but job security and lots of potential to move around change roles

I know you've had lots of advice here. You've been knocked off course a bit by a lack of family support, but many people pick up education beyond the 'normal' 18/19 age point.

This looks like an interesting free webinar about Women in Engineering:
https://www.inwed.org.uk/inwed2023-webinar/ Don't be put off rejection by BAE. There's a shortage of engineers and female engineers are rare and highly valued! University is where most people train. YOu and your partner could move to a university town and set up home together if you don't want the standard university experience.

Actuary. Mentally stimulating and suits quiet people (my DH is one). There’s an actuary on the Ask Me Anything board.

Degree apprenticeship.

You get paid to do the degree. The big 4 consulting firms all have schemes as do many other big companies.

My overriding advice is that you are never too old to change direction and follow your dreams.

The best things often come when you take a few risks.

You've got your whole life ahead. Go for what you want and don't be put off by logistics and other peoples doubts and small view of you. You are young, clever and articulate. Everything is in your favour. Be brave. Be ambitious. You have anxiety. So do millions of others. Don't let it hold you back. I'm not belittling it but please don't let it become an excuse or to hold you back. Learn to master it.

I messed up a levels and didn't go to uni. I wanted to do medicine and could have done that later on but by then had settled down and I settled for much less. We split up and I spent years in mediocre jobs that never made my heart sing. It took until my 30s to find my work mojo. I thought that at 21 I was too late to do what I wanted. So, so wrong!

Think hard and listen to your gut. What do you want to do. Find that out then follow your dreams.

How exciting!

I think our degree apprenticeships are paid well, starting at £23k in year 1.

OP, I’d decide on an area of interest and write to the head of service of each directorate at your unitary or county council.

Some have the ability to create additional roles.

You could look at data analyst apprenticeships. Huge shortage of statisticians, data analysts and data scientists.
But would think about an applied maths degree or MORSE degree as probably a better way in if you can go as an independent student.
PM me if I can provide any advice.

Looking back the biggest factors in me being able to stay in a job or not (burnout/depression) were how many new people I had to deal with regularly. I finally worked out that I'm best suited to internal facing jobs where I work with the same people over and over again. Anything that involves e.g. external customer service, reception, sales, teaching, medicine etc is a no go.

This is clearly obvious in hindsight as I've always been a massive introvert. But it's not something anyone ever talked about.

I work in IT now and yes on the face of it IT involves learning about tech, problem solving etc which I enjoy and have abilities in. But, if for example I worked for a MSP taking calls from multiple companies / new people daily, I'd have burned out in a short space of time. Instead I work internally so 90% of the people I work with stay the same day to day.

Originally I did engineering at uni which I did enjoy but after graduation the jobs weren't internal facing, and now I've figured out in hindsight why all of that always felt awful and I burned out again and again (spent a lot of time on benefits due to chronic illness brought on by the stress).

Anyway tech/IT is a great sector, yes there's lots of casual sexism/micro agressions which is incredibly tedious, but good money and interesting work if you can develop a reasonably hard shell. I'm at the point where it makes me laugh half the time because why pay me all this money to ignore me in favour of my male boss, who's only going to say what I said 🙃

Best of luck OP, you've got it all to play for and you can't really go wrong. Remember you can usually change course/uni during your degree, I switched twice (course and then uni) and still got a good degree and eventually a career out of it.

Accountancy, look at local accountancy firms, maybe the big four are in your area but there will also be mid tier firms in all cities and some large towns. Most will have an entry route for school leavers where you will earn and train at the same time. Are you happy to tell us what region you live in?

I went to uni (over 20 years ago) but my degree wasn't directly related to accountancy. I trained on the job on a graduate scheme and have since worked in lots of sectors, all over the world, and now earn a high salary. I came from a public sector background in terms of my family but would now dissuade you from going into the public sector as its poorly funded and workers across government and the NHS are put under a huge amount of pressure.

I think getting training and skills in your 20s that enables you to have choices in your 30s and beyond is really really important, arguably more so for women.

You sound amazing. Resilient, grounded, all the things we hope we instill in our kids by 21.

like previous posters said you missed nothing by not going to uni at 18.

if medicine is your aim, have you considered Medical degree apprenticeship ms? They roll out in 2023 and are funded.

Go to uni!

See if you can get a clearing please this year.

With those grades you do yourself a disservice not to go.

Perhaps have a look at your local college website and see what courses are available for older learners.
Do something that takes your fancy that could become a career. There are lots of evening and part time courses.

Nobody sets out to become a supermarket worker but it's a perfectly fine job to tide you over while you figure out what you want to do. Just don't end up staying there forever l because you don't know yet what you want to do.

The thing with asking for advice is you'll get so many different answers.

Just know it's okay not to know what to do with your life at 21, and even beyond!

This is a good time to experiment, play, learn and discover what you value.

But also important to be practical. Whatever job you do, always put something away.

Hi @dineofluty I am very touched by your sharing, that I found while looking for sixth-form information for my son. It took me 53 years to finally get to know myself and what my heart wants me to do, as being pushed by my parents, I got completely detached from who I am.

So I would say the best to do with your life is to discover who you truly are and what you love doing. I feel there is so much potential in you from just your small share and interest in helping other people, and I trust if you really connect to your passions and your heart, the world will be yours for not just your benefit but for the benefit of others too.

So just as an unusual idea....invest in getting to know YOU now when you are 21, I was able and ready to do that only in my 50is.

There is a life in front of you!! x

Thank you everyone for your advice, it’s been much appreciated and I’ve got a lot of thinking to do.

Despite having good grades and the aptitude to go for high paying careers, I am drawn to the allied health professions. I’ve never been too fussed about a huge salary. I’d be happy on anything over £40,000, me and my boyfriend don’t want children so if both of us were earning that amount then we would be able to have a very reasonable standard of living. I’m especially drawn to paediatric nursing and probably even more so paramedic science. I want a meaningful job where I can help people and I feel this would give me that. I do worry about being bored in an office job. Saying that I will look further into accounting before making a decision.

Thank you again to everybody :)

My first and most important advice after reading your opening post is that you should stop comparing where you are in life with others. It doesn't matter who has graduated, who is working, who has married or has children or anything else. Life isn't a competition - your life is only your own and you only get to live it once (unless you believe in certain religions) so cease any ideas of comparison!

Second advice, have you thought of volunteering with St John's Ambulance or signing up as a special constable with the police or something like that? It would give you an opportunity to help people and fulfil that community spirit you obviously have. You would be great at something like that and it would fit into your life while you think about your future.

Third advice - you don't need to have a career path in mind to go to university, you can choose to study something because it interests you, because you enjoy it and will be good at it. While you are studying you'll have access to career support and advice that will help you work out a path to follow. You are obviously skilled and naturally fit the science subjects, you can study a degree in that area and either go on to a science based career or still choose something completely different.

You are only at the beginning of your adult life, you don't need to set the whole life journey up now. Just find a next step.
I studied a degree in a subject, then had a successful and enjoyable 20-year career in something else, then made a career change and am now two years into a different career. I'm enjoying the change.

You sound amazing and resilient and clever and thoughtful. Try to worry less and explore more.

You are in the best position OP to be a mature student or indeed for an apprenticeship with somewhere top rated.