No idea what to do with my life

[dineofluty]

I am 21 years old and have no idea what I want to do with my life. I left sixth form three years ago and since then have worked full time in retail. I live with my boyfriend in a not so great area, I don’t really have any hobbies and I just feel a bit lost.

I got straight 9s at GCSE and A*AA in my A levels in maths, chemistry & biology. I enjoyed high school lessons (I think possibly because the wide range of subjects kept me from being bored, and I liked the structured routine of it) but I really struggled in sixth form - my overall attendance was about 70%. I don’t feel as if I’m good at anything that’s important. I’m very shy and socially awkward and don’t have much confidence. I’m good with money/budgeting (have managed to save £16,000 from working for £11 an hour) but that’s about it.

I feel so far behind my peers who are all graduating this year. I was always “top of the class” and now I spend 40 hours a week stacking shelves. My best friends from school are now qualified nurses, engineers, or have degrees in accounting, chemistry etc. A couple of other friends are half way through medical school and will be doctors soon, and some are at Oxford and Cambridge. I feel like a huge disappointment and like I need to sort myself out but I just don’t know which path to take. I think one of the main problems is that I have so many interests and I’m struggling to commit to just one thing.

I’ve considered joining the police force or working as a nurse (largely because of job security, being able to help people, and having a decent enough work-life balance to pursue other interests). I like the idea of working e.g. three long (though difficult) shifts per week as a nurse and having 4 days off to do other things. I would consider applying for medicine but I wouldn’t get in as I have no work experience. I’ve also considered doing an engineering, maths and statistics, or accounting degree because I enjoy working with numbers and figures.

I would pretty much like a job that will eventually pay at least £35,000+ per year, has an okay work-life balance and isn’t entirely boring. If anyone has any advice I would really appreciate it. Thank you in advance.

@honeyandfizz I think what appeals to me about nursing is the fact that I’d be able to help people when they most need it. I’m predominantly interested in children’s nursing, during high school I used to volunteer at a special needs school and it was super rewarding and I enjoyed it. Also the job security and decent salary are attractive to me I think. Do you enjoy your job and find the work-life balance to be okay?

@kistanbul I think you’re exactly right there. I’ve always been a perfectionist and it’s made me quite an indecisive person. I won’t commit to anything that I haven’t thought through many times and have deemed 100% right for me. I’m also quite an anxious person so tend to overthink. Last year I did apply to five Russell Group unis for maths and got all five offers, but I didn’t realise I wasn’t entitled to the full loan so couldn’t go. Thank you for your advice, it’s appreciated.

@Coffeeandcards An apprenticeship does sound good to me. I like having a good income and also learning at the same time.

@DaisyDaisyDaisyDaisyDaisyDaisy I’ll definitely take a look at that :)

Agree about apprenticeships. These are run as/ like graduate schemes in some companies now so you get the social benefits too

You did the same A levels as me and I went on to do Biology. Decided I didn't want to work on science and now have my own business but university in as entirely responsible and the right decision.

Sorry but I have to say it's really unfair of your mum. People will say you should fund yourself but the reason you couldn't get full loan was because on certain Income, parents are expected to contribute. She's screwed you over as it's her fault you couldn't get the same loan as most people will. It makes me really angry when parents do this.

If you'd be happy doing maths, it's an amazing choice. You'd have so many options afterwards as maths is so well respected as a degree.

@dineofluty not sure if you've already tried but have you thought about applying to the big4? Your a levels would be perfect to apply. They don't need a degree and you can literally work your way up to earning a lot of money.

@dineofluty Yes! So I have worked in the community for 25 years and love it. I work 3 long days 8am - 8.30pm and earn around 56k a year (top band 7). I have a wonderful quality of life and even if it's stressful I have plenty of down time too. It has been a good career for me and I love helping my patients so get lots of job satisfaction. I never wanted to do ward work as I hated doing night shifts and found wards far more stressful. You do have to work your way up though to earn well but we have good annual leave allowance (around 8 weeks after ten years), good pension and good sick leave. Now is the time for you to really think hard about where you see yourself, don't worry about being shy you'll find your rhythm somehow. I've always had lovely supportive colleagues and have been lucky really x

What about trying a recruitment agency. There may well be apprentices about. Tax, audit, accountancy all sound like possibilities.

You could start one of the exam pathways for one of the financial careers and see if you like it?

I don't think you are correct about not being eligible to study medicine. If you started some relevant work experience now you could probably apply next year. At no least have a look at it and don't automatically rule it out.

Have you other family members that you can rely on? Or is it just your boyfriend?

If so that's a difficult position to be in. It's young to be tied to a boyfriend especially as you are 'shy' and have limited social interactions. It's not great to only have one person especially when that person is a young bloke!!!

Hi,

What is key here is that you have choices.

You have great alevels so could go into a good apprenticeship or to university.

You have savings ! That’s amazing.

You have choices and your only 21.

AFTER good Alevels, I went to uni at 18 but messed around ( loved the social side ) graduated with a 2:2 and about a 6,000 overdraft. I ended up following my boyfriend around for a year and a half after uni ( we were in love) and then he dumped me .
I was 23 and had started to default on my bills so my credit was awful , I was working in a call center on a very basic wage and I was so so so lost. How had this happened ?

I am just trying to give you a story to show it’s not always about going to uni or moving away which results in success.

Also , So many people feel lost . People don’t tell you what it is they are really feeling.

You sound so so so sensible . Don’t put yourself down . Your working full time and have saved and now you want more and you will get it .

At 23, I admitted I had no choice but to move home and slowly, I paid off my debts but my poor credit stopped me from so much for 6 years !!!!!!!!!

I did a TEFL course and moved to Thailand and taught English for a year and loved it ( no degree necessary this FyI) I grew up so much and I got to travel on the school holidays .

Aged 24 I decided I wanted to be a teacher , so I returned to the Uk and studied my PGCE.
This time I studied properly and loved it and I graduated with a top mark . I became a teacher at 26 and I slowly saved and worked hard and worked up the laddder . When my credit score was finally fixed aged 30 I bought a house . I have a good pension now. I feel so proud I have no debts .

I screwed 18-24 up and was still paying the consequences of my poor credit until age 30!! But I’m so proud I turned it around.

You have the world at your feet. No debts , savings, youth. Don’t panic - you have time. Explore uni or apprenticeships or travel if you prefer .

Just don’t panic x you have got this !

@MyBrownEyedHandsomeBoy I think my company offers something like this, I’ll have to enquire about it. My current manager got her current role by doing something like that so I can always go and talk to her about it. Thank you :)

@Annfr Yeah I was pretty upset when they wouldn’t help me out. I was in the potential Oxbridge students group in sixth form so my life could have been a whole lot different if I’d had the help. I’m not upset about it anymore though I’m just wanting to find a way forward from where I am currently. And yeah I would likely enjoy a maths degree :)

@oilstone I’ve heard of the Big4 but never actually looked into it, but it sounds like it could be an option for me.

@honeyandfizz Thank you for that :) It’s definitely a job that would be rewarding for me, and the benefits that come with it are definitely appealing. Do you know if it’s more difficult to move up the bands as a children’s nurse as opposed to an adults nurse? Was just thinking there are probably more options to progress within adult nursing.

@NextTimeItsOver It’s true I could apply for medicine next year, but I do worry as it is so competitive to get in and I want to move forward with my life as soon as possible, if that makes sense? So the possibility of another years delay makes me apprehensive.

I sometimes see my aunt and nan but I don’t/can’t rely on them. It’s pretty much just me and my boyfriend. He’s a very mature 21 year old and works hard like myself, and has similar goals for the future (in terms of saving money, getting a better job and buying a house etc). I don’t feel trapped or anything - if we ever broke up I have sufficient funds to get myself out. He’s very supportive and encourages me to apply for new/different jobs, look at uni courses, try new hobbies etc. Before I met him I’d never been abroad, been to a concert, or even considered the fact that I might be able to do something other than retail. He’s been beneficial to my life so far :) I’m looking into starting some volunteering and starting some new hobbies to get myself out and meeting new people which should help.

@Jesscococolake Thank you for that :) I often do forget I have so many choices. I’m glad everything worked out for you eventually and thank you for making me feel a bit better about where I currently am.

Honestly sometimes it’s more important just to make a decision than make the right decision.

I love my career- love it!
It’s so niche I didn’t even know the job existed until I was 31.

If I was trying to make career choices based on my knowledge of the world at 21, I probably would have ended up as a lawyer or something. As it is, I did a few jobs in different industries until I found something that works for me.

You can go to university later, you can start one career now and have a career change later, you don’t need to make the right decision for your whole life now. It’s just not possible.

if you have a good employer, work your way up for a couple of years to learn a little more about the world of work and about yourself

I went with accounting. It's a fairly easy course if you have your intellect. But obviously requires further study after your degree.

What about cabin crew?

I get where you are coming from because you see your peers doing their degrees bit honestly I think you have done it right. You are able to give this much more thought and ultimately will make the best choice for your life.

My friends that went to uni straight out of high school have all restudied in another area now.

Also

Are you sure you’re not eligible for financial support?

Have you read through all of the criteria?

https://www.ucas.com/finance/additional-funding/financial-support-students-not-supported-their-parents-estranged

The truth is OP that many (most?) people fall into a career rather than actively choosing one. It’s about the opportunities that come your way and the fact that many of us don’t actually know what we want to do ‘when we grow up’. There are very few careers that people consistently love over time.

You sound intelligent, hard working and organised, just a bit lost. Many employers will value your life experience and attitude above a degree. I would echo other people and suggest concentrating on finding an apprenticeship that allows you study for a degree with your employer.

Money gives you options to buy yourself work/life balance so quite frankly I would be nervous of nursing or the police or any public services where the government rather than the market limit your earning potential. Concentrate of the STEM skills (science, technology, engineering and maths) for best earning potential and a varied, interesting career. New things are always developing in those areas. Many companies will be actively trying to recruit women to STEM jobs as part of their diversity targets.

At this stage of life, you may also need to be prepared to move for work. I realise you have a boyfriend but the most important thing right now is that you build your career. If it’s meant to be, I your relationship will survive long distance for a few years. If it’s not meant to be and you stay to pursue your relationship you could be throwing away your potential on a man. Don’t let your current location or your relationship tie you down.

Here’s an example of the sort of thing I think you could pursue, it’s from the government apprenticeship site. You will get a degree as well as a career.

At the Smith Institute we use advanced mathematics, analytics and AI to help customers do some pretty amazing things. As a Digital Solutions Engineer apprentice you will join a busy team responsible for business systems, infrastructure and computing in a rapidly evolving IT environment while studying for your BSc with the Open University.

https://www.findapprenticeship.service.gov.uk/apprenticeship/1000169369

I didn't do A levels or go to uni, worked lots of retail until my late 20's, I started doing short courses at adult colleges out of boredom more than anything, I did an evening course in silversmithing and loved it. This November I will have been running my own jewellery business for 9 years, I'm self employed, make my own hours and it's profitable. I've also got the skills that I could be employed by another jewellery company if I needed to go down that route. A friend did an evening course in silversmithing too and after only a year and really basic skills she was working as a bench jeweller for a larger brand. There's loads of opportunities out there, you don't have to have gone to uni, try things out and see if you find something you like!

You've got the rest of your life to choose a career! I started a nursing degree at 24. But I wouldn't recommend nursing as it's extremely stressful and I got burnt out.
Go for a higher paying career.

Personally with your savings I would go traveling now & have some amazing experiences!!

@dineofluty have you thought about hiring a life coach? They can help guide you on the right path.
You're so young, you mustn't let your interests go to waste. I stack shelves and im In my 30s. I don't want this for my daughters.

@kistanbul You’re definitely right re making a choice. I’m going to properly look into university courses over the next few weeks and look into degree apprenticeships too. I would also like to start some voluntary work to boost my CV and make me a bit more well rounded (I feel like being socially awkward holds me back a bit).

And re student finance, you’ve got to have had no contact with biological parents for at least 12 months and I still talk to my mum sometimes so wasn’t eligible for estranged student status. As of October I’ll have been financially independent for three years so will be an independent student.

@Cosycover How long into your career was it until you were satisfied with your salary? I think I would be quite good at accounting. And thank you for the reassurance, I often feel like I’ve made a terrible mistake not going to uni at 18 but what you wrote helps.

@Whatevergetsyouthroughthenight I like the look of that apprenticeship or something similar to that. I’m definitely prepared to move, and my boyfriend would always come with me. We live in a very deprived area that we’re desperate to get out of, and he works in a company where it is easy to transfer locations so that makes it relatively easy for us to move about. Thank you.

@lookingforMolly If I get some university offers and/or apprenticeship offers next year I’m planning to hand in my notice a few months before I start and go inter railing and travelling :)

@Upinspacemannnnn I hadn’t thought about that but will look into it. I definitely don’t want to be stacking shelves for much longer, I love my colleagues but the job itself isn’t for me.

Try an apprenticeship route instead of uni. Earn as you learn.

Run as far as you can from any healthcare related job, the NHS is falling apart and is a horrible place to work. You have incredible grades and the world at your feet. Invest some of the money you’ve saved in some decent career counselling sessions and set your sights higher. You can do a damn sight better than £35000 for a start. The sky is your limit.

I’d look into work as a health care assistant in your local hospital. Minimal entry requirements but would give you a good idea about the shifts and whether nursing is for you and also be great work experience if you did then apply for a nursing degree.

Nursing is such a varied career and you can do academic research , specialise in a particular area or work in a management role in the future.

Agree with PP. Avoid working in the NHS if you can. Loads of better paid jobs out there without all the stress. You need to look after your mental health, something that's hard to keep intact if you work in the NHS.

@dineofluty I understand why and how you think life is passing you by, but you are so young still. You have all the time in the world to figure it out. It's not a race against other people.

You sound extremely intelligent and interested in many things, so as you recognise yourself, it's time to move on from stacking shelves.

Spend some of the money you've saved on getting some good therapy to look at your shyness, your reticence and your relationship with your parents.

If they truly won't fund you, you can claim parental estrangement and get a full loan. There is info here

Meanwhile, you could contact local schools and see if they need TAs in maths or lab assistants. Or you could look into becoming a dispensing chemist trainee, which is a shorter course at college.

There are many ways to become an accountant including learning on the job. Quite competitive now but worth looking into. I have a friend who started with zero qualifications. She was just good at maths and they funded her qualifications.

In your position I'd get a notebook or open a private blog or file on your computer and make lists of what you'd love - in an ideal world - to be doing and feeling 5 years time. Do you want to be more confident? To have travelled? To already have a degree? Work back from that to decide what steps you need to take for these to be possible.

You missed nothing by delaying uni during Covid btw. Good move. Who wants to spend 9k a year on a few online classes and a union strike which means your finals won't be marked? Blessing in disguise to wait until this mess settles down.

@kistanbul - sorry - didn't see you had already linked to the estranged parents funding page on UCAS.

I recommend the book “ what color is your parachute” as an excellent resource for helping you think about what you’d like to do.n

You sound very bright, I hope you find your niche. I didn’t start my nurse training until I was 23, struggled to find my path and hated my first university course.

I wouldn’t recommend nursing though. The 3 long days are appealing but that’s only Ward work and generally the higher band jobs tend to be 9-5.

The stress is unreal and what people often imagine a nurse does is actually the hca role these days.

My pharmacy colleagues wouldn’t recommend that either last time I asked but it does seem like a sound career to me and lots of options.

Hello
You sound like an amazing person! You mention training in medicine but said you don't have the work experience. You have several years retail experience and that would be more than adequate. It can show that you have customer service skills, commitment, organisation skills etc.
Experience in a healthcare environment is by no means a requirement so don't let that put you off and you certainly have the grades.
There is a thread in Education for Medical School applicants which provides loads of valuable advice.
Good luck to you in whatever you do. I have a feeling you will do really well whatever you decide 😊