Things your parents made you do.

[Daffodilwoman]

Hi all
This is a lighthearted thread. Something I’ve been thinking about. What things did your parents do/insist on which you may or may not have continued.
For example my mother always made me save things ‘for best’. She also saved things for best too. I had clothes ‘for best’ and everyday clothes. If ever she put sun cream on me I always had to wear everyday clothes, I could never wear my best clothes if she was applying suncream. She saved things ‘for best’. This included towels, curtains, bedding, clothes, shoes. Quite often ‘best’ never came and I’ve lost count of the number of times things which have never come out of the wrapping have become unfashionable and she has got rid of them. For example chintzy curtains, flowery towels, patterned duvets.
She used to buy dd clothes and shoes which were too big saying that she would grow into them. However when the right season came for dd to wear say, a summer dress, it didn’t fit her so I would give it away. She doesn’t do it so much now as I refuse to accept things from her which I don’t use.
Whilst I do save sone things for best I’m nowhere near like my mum. Only things like certain shoes or clothes do I save for best, the rest I use.
I also understand buying things in the sale but my mum always bought things in the sale and never wore them. It took me years to get out of this mindset. A friend actually introduced me to the concept of cost per wear and I try and go by that now.

Sunday was bathnight . No going out to play afterwards with wet hair. You'd catch a chill.
Never having nice clothes. Everything was dull and drab.
Eventually allowed a pair of jeans at secondary school. Each time I grew taller they were turned down a bit and the awful white line was coloured in with a biro. It was mortifying.
Parents were obsessed with what other people thought about everything . I realised as an adult thst no-one actually gives much of a shit about what you are wearing/ doing etc.

So many of these resonate with me. Especially having to be dressed before coming downstairs even at the weekend.

I'll add: we weren't allowed to watch children's ITV programmes because they were usually American cartoons. We were also not allowed to watch Dallas or Dynasty. I'm grateful to my Mum for those particular rules now!

One that I actually think is right, but I haven't followed: we weren't allowed to watch TV in the morning before school. I do let the DC watch some if there's any time left after everything else. I don't think we even went into the TV/sitting room in the mornings come to think of it.

We were made to sit at the table and eat dinner and had to finish everything before leaving table , even food we really hated. ( Always whilst being reminded of starving children in Africa , this was mid/ late 80’s )

Not allowed any food upstairs ever.

I can’t really think of anything else we were
“ made “ to do , lots of rules and things not to do though.

Lights had to be turned off as soon as you left the room , also no hall lights or bathroom lights allowed to be left on if scared at bedtime , it was tough luck , lights out.

If we were watching a tv show as a family or a video then the living room had to be in complete darkness like the cinema and nobody was allowed to speak or make a noise.

Why parents were religious so lots of rules .

Banned things included:

Halloween
Witches
Psychotherapy
counselling

Getting help for abuse trauma because self pity about the past was a sin

getting outside help for learning problems like dyslexia or self harm because it had to be prayed away

things was made to do:

If one of us made a mistake we had to all sit down and not leave until we had prayed to God for forgiveness.

lots of prayer and bible reading . I didn't appreciate it at the time, I'm afraid but I know bible quite well now so it was not all bad

had to listen to mum or one of my siblings being screamed at for hours if they did something bad. If I left I would have to come back.

If made a mistake in homework assignments had to redo the whole thing . And punished if I kept making mistakes . I didn't get much sleep as a child!

Not allowed to have ham and cheese in a sandwich, had to be one or the other, to have both was much too indulgent. Always tear a square of kitchen roll in half, never use a whole sheet. A teabag must be kept to be used later for another cup of tea. Always use a washing up bowl, not just the sink. Mental ill-health does not exist.

I wasn’t allowed to say anything to my younger sister that implied it was ok to be gay. I wasn’t allowed to go to church youth group in case it was a sex cult. I wasn’t allowed to go to my friends family birthday party (a daytime buffet) in case her older brother or his friend spiked my drink. Couldn’t let any of my friends see me cleaning the house because then they’d know it was dirty (it was spotless!).

If you mention any of it to her now though she’d just go “I don’t remember that, I’m sure I wouldn’t have said that”

@FijiSea · ''If we were watching a tv show as a family or a video then the living room had to be in complete darkness like the cinema and nobody was allowed to speak or make a noise.''

That's interesting - if you hadn't posted that i would have completely forgotten another one - we were never EVER allowed to watch TV without the lights on in the room ''because watching TV in the dark will ruin your eyes'' 🤔

Isn't it funny the things you just accept as gospel as a kid.

When i got my own place at 19 i watched telly in the dark on the first night 😂

Someone mentioned postcards when on holiday and that resonated with me.

My parents hated doing them but made themselves write many on every family holiday when we were young because it was "the done thing" according to them. Seemingly to every Tom, Dick and Harry they knew - all friends, neighbours and the wider family even if we hardly ever saw them and they wouldn't even know we had gone away.

They did stop that nonsense in later life (once retired, I think), and my sister and I never took it up at all.

I honestly can’t think of anything. We had to go to Sunday school (mainly to get into the good primary school) but it was pretty fun actually, we just to paint and run around the hall.

My parents were pretty laid back but they kind of had to be, I’m from a big family.

Drink a glass of milk every day - sometimes room temp long life milk 🤮 can’t stand the stuff now.
Mealtimes were long - had to ask permission to leave the table when finished. Not allowed to leave until everyone else had finished…sibling used to eat incredibly slowly on purpose to annoy me.
For a while had to go to church on Sunday - parents aren’t religious so who knows why.
Was bought a TV for my bedroom one Christmas, but it was taken away again because I started watching TV in my room instead of downstairs 🤷‍♀️
Not allowed to watch Eastenders or anything American, such as Friends, because “trash”

The telly thing has baffled me. 🤯

Oh dear, I do some of these with my kids, and no apologies. I actually think some of them constitute good parenting.

no tv in mornings before school

we don't all rush downstairs and open presents on Christmas morning, they have stockings on their beds and under the tree presents are after breakfast when everyone is up and dressed and turkey in the oven.

We always eat dinner at the table. I think this is a really good thing. We don't have any of the emotional nonsense that pp have mentioned though (not being allowed to get down until finished) just family sitting round and chatting over the day and food.

No TVs in bedrooms still (ours or theirs)

I wipe the washing line if it hasn't been used for a while. It is filthy!

We weren't allowed ham and cheese in sandwiches, but that was due to cost, and nothing wrong with a ham OR a cheese sandwich if money is tight.

My kids drink milk with meals if they want to, and 2 of them do. I also encourage them to drink milk and they all drink at least a glass a day.

My teens have to help out at home in the holidays. dh and I are both working and they are at home, so they get to help. I made my 18 year olds cook once a week from after A levels until they left for uni.

Mine made me pretend to be under twelve for as long as was plausible in order to get child’s prices for tickets etc. I was a late bloomer so passing for 11 until I was about 14.

Was made to go to church, do communion, confirmation and Sunday school. I was allowed to stop when I went to high school.

We were only allowed brown foods - brown bread, brown pasta, brown rice etc. I actually prefer brown most of the time, except rice, but white versions still feel like a “treat”.

I was just remembering the other day how my parents would insist that I dried my legs and feet before stepping out of the bath/shower and on to the bath mat. I tried to reason with them that the mat was designed to get a bit wet and then dry whilst hung up, but they felt this was quite unreasonable and there was just no need to get it wet!

I remember thank you letters at Christmas and birthdays. To be fair to my parents on this one, they didn't demand I do them by or on boxing day. As long as I did them in a reasonable time frame that was ok. But I was a hyper conscientious child about some things and usually had mine done by the 27th.

@Ameanstreakamilewide was unsociable apparently! How about don’t buy it in the first place then?

I was not allowed long hair. I let my hair grow aged 16 and I've never had it short since.
My kids have probably got loads of grumbles about things I've insisted they do!

@steppemum i think context is important. I grew up in a very controlling environment where I didn’t feel like I was treated with respect. My child is a baby but based off my experience I wouldn’t dictate to my kids like I was dictated to, and hope to maintain boundaries/rules whilst respecting autonomy. It’s a fine balance!

yes of course, and the same thing can look very different in 2 different families, like eating round a table.

Nice family time where everyone chats about their day over nice food and then drifts off to whatever they are doing next or
tense anxiety ridden half and hour where you try and do the right thing and gag down food you don't like but are told you have to eat.

But all the same, some of them I just don't think are negative. (eg no TV in mornings)

Keeping clothes for best too, never getting to wear them and then they were too small. Had a pleated mini skirt I loved, but she didn’t like me in it so wasn’t allowed to wear it, why buy it for me then?

always made to finish food, even though she gave us kids adult portions and now the thought of feeling full makes me I’ll. we used to wait til they left kitchen and thrown the food to the birds.

made me wear handme downs from brothers so I looked like a boy when I was a toddler. Sent me to school gym in my brothers boxer shorts one day! It’s scarred me for life, the teasing I took from the class.

study leave was never for study, they would leave a list of chores to do.

So funny about the bathmats, we had to shake like a dog while standing up in the bath and then shake each leg before getting out so as not to overly dampen the precious mat. Absolutely baffling especially as there was a perfectly good airing cupboard which dried everything like a champ.

My mum wasn't especially into saving things for "best" but she did/does have a hangup about not wearing things you'd recently got - or even recently washed. "You're putting that on, but... you've only just bought it!/...I've only just washed it!" was a common refrain. I was amazed as an adult when someone introduced me to the concept that you should only buy something if you wanted to wear it straightaway (i.e. not save for some fictional occasion or after you've lost a stone or after you've bought the right - again fictional - shoes or bra). It saves a lot of money and angst!

They used to insist that we "lovingly" handmade all the Christmas cards, usually from some recycled old cards/pictures lying around the house. They had tonnes of friends so my siblings and I would sit there like little Dickensian orphans toiling late into the night several days in a row doing all the cutting/sticking/whatever for their 100 cards.

I had a moment of "sit up in bed in stunned anger" when I realised that I never received a single thank you letter as a child.

And we sent - poorly chosen and badly wrapped - gifts to all of our relatives, because we wanted to buy gifts like everyone else.

Fuck you, Aunt Jane. No doubt you didn't like the cat ornament I picked out for you, but I thought the bible was shite, and I still had to sit down and write a letter lying about it.

I don't remember any weird rules from when I was a kid, my parents were pretty relaxed. I know my gran was very strict on my dm though so perhaps that's why!

I just remembered one more - I wasn't allowed to keep presents from friends or family, they were all put away to be regifted as I wasn't worthy of anything new

My mum insisted that I collect porcelain dolls and display them in my room in those weird metal stands.

They really creeped me out, but if any grandparents or aunties asked what I wanted for Christmas, she'd reply for me and say "she'll want another porcelain doll! She's porcelain doll mad!"