Can’t sleep: WWYD - small school or not?

[WaffleDuvet]

We recently moved across the country to be closer to in laws. The whole thing has been extremely stressful to be honest. We have two DDs: older one is in Y2 and younger one due to start Reception in September. We’re having a dilemma over what to do with schooling.

School A: Normal size school, within easy walking distance of our new house.
School B: 5 minute drive from our house. Tiny school with only about 70 kids total (not possible to walk).

We were unable to get a place for DD1 at School A, so she started at School B a few months ago. Was a bit rocky at first but she is quite happy there now. However, there are only 6 kids in Y2, and only two other girls. These two other girls are v close and have known each other since toddlers. It is a mixed year group so there are a few other girls around DD1’s age - about 6 in total. DD1 seems to get on with most of them and is happy coming out of school, occasionally feels a bit left out outside school as other kids live near each other & parents are close friends. I like the teachers and she seems to be getting on well with schoolwork.

DD2 has been offered a place at School A for September. However, DD1 has been rejected for School A for Y3 on the basis that they are still full. DH wants to appeal to get DD1 into School A and send both girls there.

I’m really unsure about moving DD1 again (even if she does get a place). She was extremely unhappy when we first moved (she loved her old school- so did so!) and she now seems settled and happy in new school. So am reluctant to unsettle her again. But I do worry longer term about potential friendship issues at School B (the much smaller school) for both DDs. I believe there are only about 5 kids starting in September so DD2 would also be in a very small cohort (I don’t know the mix of boys: girls). However I don’t really want them at separate schools, would be a logistical nightmare and I also think they’d be happier going to the same place.

So the options are:

1. Send them both to small School B.
2. Appeal for DD1 to go to School A and send them both there (if we win appeal).
3. Send them to different schools.

I can’t sleep for worrying about this! As I say, DD1 is happy at the small School B but I worry about potential friendship issues (for both girls) at such a tiny school.

I will choose school A for your youngest, leave your oldest in school B until there is a space in school A if she wants to move to school A. Like you, I will be worry about friendship in school b

Option 2. The school can go over numbers in year 3. If faced with appeal paperwork for a sibling they might just roll over and admit your older child. If not, continue with appeal and emphasise the sibling relationship and difficulty getting children to two different schools at same time. Check their over subscription criteria first and work out where you fit.

Yes School A for youngest and appeal and waiting list for dd1.

Argh. I was thinking Option 1 as the most likely to be honest. DD1 is quite sensitive and I know she will react really badly if we told her she had to move schools again. I think they would also both be upset not to be at the same school 😭

School A and appeal for DD1. Realistically school B is simply too small and whilst it would be disruptive initially and she might be sad to move she's going to thank you in the long run. 70 children in total is way too claustrophobic, I would absolutely not start DD2 there.

Sorry, I agree with everyone else! Are there any groups that DD1 can join where she would meet children that go to the bigger school? Then at least she'd be moving to join friends?

I do worry a bit whether the small school can survive in the long run if they only have 4/5 kids starting per year? To be fair lots of the mums have been very kind and welcoming and DD1 plays with a nice group of girls. She is happy now after having a rough time leaving her BFF at her old school. I just worry as she gets older if there will be more issues with friendships at School B - I don’t really know what age that tends to start being an issue?

The other thing is that we can always start DD2 at School A and then move her to School B, but we wouldn’t be able to do it the other way around.

Also worry about the transition to secondary from such a tiny school.

@Merrow thanks, I have tried to get her to clubs/ classes for this reason but she is refusing to go to any (other than horse riding but that is a private class so no opportunity to meet other kids).

Option 1. My dc are at a similar sized school and love it. It is a fantastic school though with an amazing teaching team.

Dc do out of school activities so meet children they will eventually go to high school with.

Friendship issues and parents going back years happen in any sized school. Dd2 starting will give you a chance to get to know that cohort of parents from the start, start asking at the gate now if anyone knows who else is starting in reception, can anyone put you in touch to get playdates arranged etc.

Once DD2 starts you are likely to meet other parents with children in yr3 so perhaps have them over for joint playdates.

You have the issue of mixed classes changing every year as your DD goes from youngest to oldest year group - that’s unsettling in itself, but a great chance to make new friends each year.

I would put youngest in bigger school with option of moving later if she chooses to.

I have three children in three difference schools then went to work in another - 4 drop offs all by 8:50 - it was doable!

Is sibling an admissions criteria at school A? If so, it should work for older siblings as well as younger ones so DD1 will move to the top of the list once DD2 starts. I'd go with option 2.

DD1 has already made some friends and I have started building some friendships with some of the mums. She has been invited to several parties and two girls have her over for play dates. For DD2, I don’t know anyone starting this September but I have made friends with a mum who has a DD starting next year so she would have her from then.

@Unexpecteddrivinginstructor ah sorry just realised you meant if I start DD2 at the bigger school!

@Itsanotherhreatday yes, although to be fair the bigger school also has mixed year groups. In a way I think that might be easier in the smaller school as DD1 already knows all the kids at the school!

If it was me, I would put DD2 into school A & keep trying to get DD2 in.

I think that tiny scoops with mixed age groups can work ok when it's a village school with no option. But it's not ideal.

DD1 might not want to move, but you're the parents and have a 'longer term' adult perspective. She'll have the chance to make friends with kids the same age as her, not just those far younger. She'll make friends & have fun & soon forget she didn't want to change school, it's totally different to last time! If she can't get into school A, then you'll just have to keep trying & try to make the most of B until she goes to secondary.

DD2 I wouldn't deny DD2 going to A because you can't get DD1 in. DD1 has, at least, had the experiences of a bigger school previously.

yes, it's a hassle them being at different schools, but I think you need to do what's best for DD2, & hope to move DD1.

Theyd prefer to go to the same school & you'll try to make that happen, but for now they'll just have to go to different schools.

Goid Luck with the appeal. Focus on the lack of social development for DD1, not 'wanting them at the same school'

@SnapPop yes, although they have told us that it doesn’t apply to an older sibling, only younger sibling - but doesn’t state that in the admissions info. DD1 is already at the top of the waiting list because we live very close. We’ve had to reapply recently. We didn’t bother with an appeal the last time we applied for her because of the infant class size rule.

Option 2. We moved when I was 9 and my parents sent us to a tiny village school (48 pupils for the whole of primary, I went into a class of 18 which covered the oldest years). It was nice at first, everyone was welcoming, teachers were lovely but it was really hard breaking into established friendship circles, my appearance in the class did disrupt these and cause resentments which surfaced gradually, I suffered some low level bullying and generally felt like an outsider for the entire time I was there. It closed down for my last year and we got moved to a bigger primary for our last year which was so much better. I never let on to my parents, have still never told them.

Also, from my own DCs experience, being within walking distance of your primary school is a HUGE benefit socially, theirs was 10 mins walk from our house and it was so nice bumping into and walking with other families, DCs making spontaneous playdate arrangements ehile walking home etc and being able to walk independently in y6.

yes, although they have told us that it doesn’t apply to an older sibling, only younger sibling - but doesn’t state that in the admissions info.

How can it not apply to an older child that's bonkers. I've genuinely never heard that as a rule before. Sibling criteria is just that if she has a sibling at a school she fits into that category. I think the fact it doesn't say that in the admission criteria will be very useful as part of your appeal.

@ThursdayFreedom thanks. Yes I think I am at risk of thinking shorter term because of how painful the whole move has been, and not wanting to have another thing to stress about. And yes I need to balance DD2 needs as well. We are taking them to different places at the moment already so wouldn’t be too different to now.

I’d start DD2 at the bigger walkable school and wait for a space for DD1. I’ve never heard of the older/younger sibling rule for Admissions, I’d be very surprised if that was the case.

I moved DC4 from a school where her class had never topped 22, to a two form entry school where the cohort is 60. Best decision we made. Much more choice for friends, sports teams for tournaments, clubs etc.

Option 3a.
DD2 to closest school.
Leave DD1 on the waiting list. Move to appeal if things get rocky at current school. Evaluate position if/when a wait list place becomes available.

@CatsOnTheChair yes that could be a good compromise. And I understand what everyone is saying but I think they will both be upset not to be going to the same school.

This may be outing but both schools are now in the same academy and have the same head. Head seems very keen for DD1 to stay at current school (has been quite blunt about the bigger school being full) and has suggested to me about putting DD2 in the smaller school. I know they are struggling for numbers so are working hard to try and increase the intake…

I went to a small primary school with only 3 girls in my year, it was awful. 1 was very headstrong and the other just followed her, she eventually just ended up picking on me and I was often alone.
by year 3//4 I remember crying not wanting to go. I was extremely socially anxious and shy as a child and only started finally standing up for myself in probably y10/11. I don’t think the small school helped this.
it might be fine, but I’d definitely keep trying to move her. I would never send my kids to a school that small based on my experience.

yes, although they have told us that it doesn’t apply to an older sibling, only younger sibling - but doesn’t state that in the admissions info.

Either they're lying or you've confused what they've said. There's no way this only applies one way, if there's a siblings rule it applies for any siblings, not just those younger.

Send your youngest to the bigger school, and then appeal to get the oldest in.