Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Should I comment on friends filler?

86 replies

readysetcake · 09/06/2023 20:01

Friend said she was going to get small amount of lip filler as she was unhappy with thinning lips. Fair enough, go for it.

I saw her this morning for first time I. A couple of weeks and she’s obviously had it done. They’re not massive but noticeable as having had filler. Trouble is I think she looked better before. Would obviously never say that …. Would it be ok to just not mention it and if she brings it up just say I never noticed? I’m worried that she is going to ask what I think it looks like. I don’t think I’m a very good liar. I don’t want to hurt her feelings 🙁 So definitely don’t want to bring the subject up.

As long as she’s happy with it that’s the main thing. She was licking them a lot so maybe she’s literally just had them done and they’re still a bit puffy and will go down a bit?

Things like this stress me out loads. I’m going to be so anxious next time I see her.

OP posts:
RoseGoldEagle · 10/06/2023 06:52

Gunpowder · 09/06/2023 20:08

There are lots of ways of not lying and also not hurting people’s feelings by offering a brutally honest opinion.

If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything. If she brings it up you can smile and say ‘Wow! Yes you said you were going to do it! How was it? Did it hurt? Are you happy with the result?’

If she directly asks you if you think it looks good, you can say you think she has always had natural beauty and doesn’t need help, but if it makes her happier that’s all that counts.

I think this approach is perfect!

Grumblevision · 10/06/2023 08:32

I'd love to see research on social media influence on adoption of trends. Particularly more invasive ones like this. They seem to become normalised so fast.

Spirallingdownwards · 10/06/2023 08:43

USaYwHatNow · 09/06/2023 20:14

I've recently had filler for the first time and I'm about 4 weeks post. At 2 weeks post filler they still hadn't settled properly, so I wouldn't comment. You may find next time you see her they have settled/become less swollen. None of my friends noticed mine unless I actually pointed it out.

They probably have but like the OP haven't commented because they don't want to be in the same position as her because they think you looked better before - because noone looks better with.

bellac11 · 10/06/2023 08:48

Are you happy with the results - this is one of the worst things you can ask someone. It very clearly is a way of saying 'the results arent great'. Its passive aggressive and unpleasant.

As others have said, why the need to think your view is oh so important or needed? She's a grown adult, shes more than capable of deciding what she wants her face to look like.

What Ive learned from talking to younger colleagues is that they dont have these procedures to look 'better' (whatever that means), they have it to have a certain look, like when you buy a particular bag or pair of trainers.

bellac11 · 10/06/2023 08:51

And its worth repeating that fashion trends for face and body have been around for centuries, from the Greeks, to the Romans, to the Vikings, to the Tudors and on and on and on.

Sometimes these are invasive, sometimes they're not. It will never change. People like to make physical marks/changes on their bodies to symbolise this or that, in this case its about a particular look.

YoghurtBackwards · 10/06/2023 08:52

I'd just say.. "darling friend, I think you look beautiful either way. Are you happy with them? That's what counts"

Softoprider · 10/06/2023 08:53

Ask her if she is happy with it and if she says yes then do not say anything. If you do you will make her doubt herself and ruin her experience

Mirabai · 10/06/2023 09:01

WandaWonder · 10/06/2023 02:28

If I am asked a direct question I answer totally honestly, if not I dont

Me too. I place higher value on the friends of mine who I can count on to be honest with me than the ones who just tell me what I want to hear. Some women care more about being liked and pleasing people than they care about being honest.

If I asked a friend for an honest opinion in a situation like this I would be so pissed off if they lied to me.

AndYou · 10/06/2023 09:02

@Mirabai that is a very unfortunate truth.

Of course people notice otherwise what would be the point of having anything done.

My Mother had a facelift, this was about 40 years ago when cosmetic surgery was rare and incredibly costly. It was done very well but there was an obvious change. She would have been about the age I am now.

AndYou · 10/06/2023 09:04

@Mirabai sorry the unfortunate truth is that they lie, I realise you have more than one post so may have not been obvious which post I was referring to.

canigetitmyself · 10/06/2023 09:13

The problem with lip fillers is it's the bit below the nose whats it called? The moustache bit? Anyway, that always looks swollen. Like a shelf

Harebrain · 10/06/2023 09:16

@canigetitmyself I came on to say the same thing. Also, people look like ducks from the side. I wouldn’t say anything to your friend Op. If she’s happy then there’s nothing to be gained by commenting.

newhaircut · 10/06/2023 09:22

Gunpowder · 09/06/2023 20:08

There are lots of ways of not lying and also not hurting people’s feelings by offering a brutally honest opinion.

If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything. If she brings it up you can smile and say ‘Wow! Yes you said you were going to do it! How was it? Did it hurt? Are you happy with the result?’

If she directly asks you if you think it looks good, you can say you think she has always had natural beauty and doesn’t need help, but if it makes her happier that’s all that counts.

This. I dont get this need to verablise every thought in our heads. Some of my friends have tattoos that I dont think look particularly great but I'd never point it out to them because it doesnt matter what I think- they like them and thats the main thing- its personal to them and my opinion doesnt matter. Maybe you dress or style yourself in a way your friend doesnt like but she doesnt point it out to you because she doesnt want to hurt your feelings.

The only time I'd ever mention my real feelings on this is if she said "I regret it and I dont like my lips- what do you think?" and even then there are ways of being gentle. There are plenty of ways to mention things like this without using a sledgehammer approach. If you care about someone, you'll make the effort not to be purposefully rude.

RoxyMuzak · 10/06/2023 09:30

YoghurtBackwards · 10/06/2023 08:52

I'd just say.. "darling friend, I think you look beautiful either way. Are you happy with them? That's what counts"

Someone said that to me about some new glasses. They went straight in a drawer, to be brought out only in an emergency!

PN54DJS · 10/06/2023 09:33

Christ this is all a bit OTT. Meeting her is going to cause you anxiety?

Kindly, get a little grip. She's had lip filler. Not a face transplant.

PN54DJS · 10/06/2023 09:36

Do you feel this much anxiety when she wears a pair of trousers you don't like?

moonlitwalks · 10/06/2023 09:37

PN54DJS · 10/06/2023 09:33

Christ this is all a bit OTT. Meeting her is going to cause you anxiety?

Kindly, get a little grip. She's had lip filler. Not a face transplant.

I agree- this is all a bit OTT for a bit of lip filler. So you dont like them? so what? she didnt get them for you. All this anxiety is rather histrionic- just say what gunpowder suggested. I dont understand why you are making this such a huge deal- whats really behind this anxiety?

Danidandan · 10/06/2023 09:38

RoxyMuzak · 09/06/2023 20:44

I asked an acquaintance if she'd been in a fight. Oh dear.

And on todays list of things that didn't happen...

GonnaGetGoingReturns · 10/06/2023 09:46

I currently work with 3 women 1 of whom is the same age to me and others aren’t. I can tell immediately which younger one has had fillers.

I used to work with younger women and again you can tell the ones who have had lip fillers or other and who hasn’t.

I think it’s totally their own choice, looks etc

RoxyMuzak · 10/06/2023 09:48

Danidandan · 10/06/2023 09:38

And on todays list of things that didn't happen...

Show quote history

Yes it did. Pull your beak in.

USaYwHatNow · 10/06/2023 09:51

I feel like there are a lot of outdated assumptions on this post as to what filler has to look like. I completely appreciate that there is the duck pout trend, and some people do pump a hell of a lot of filler in over a short space of time, creating the 'instagram face' look as described by pp, but it can also be quite subtle. I've attached my before and after. Not everyone has the pumped up massive trout pout. However, I hated them when I first had them done, and at two weeks they were still quite swollen.

Should I comment on friends filler?
GonnaGetGoingReturns · 10/06/2023 09:51

bellac11 · 10/06/2023 08:48

Are you happy with the results - this is one of the worst things you can ask someone. It very clearly is a way of saying 'the results arent great'. Its passive aggressive and unpleasant.

As others have said, why the need to think your view is oh so important or needed? She's a grown adult, shes more than capable of deciding what she wants her face to look like.

What Ive learned from talking to younger colleagues is that they dont have these procedures to look 'better' (whatever that means), they have it to have a certain look, like when you buy a particular bag or pair of trainers.

That’s interesting as I’ve never asked colleagues why they’ve had it done!

giraffetrousers · 10/06/2023 09:52

I asked an acquaintance if she'd been in a fight. Oh dear

This says way more about you than her. Nasty.

GonnaGetGoingReturns · 10/06/2023 09:53

USaYwHatNow · 10/06/2023 09:51

I feel like there are a lot of outdated assumptions on this post as to what filler has to look like. I completely appreciate that there is the duck pout trend, and some people do pump a hell of a lot of filler in over a short space of time, creating the 'instagram face' look as described by pp, but it can also be quite subtle. I've attached my before and after. Not everyone has the pumped up massive trout pout. However, I hated them when I first had them done, and at two weeks they were still quite swollen.

Yours looks like it’s been done well and subtly but there’s no getting away from the fact that lots of women do have the more duck pouts done.

I’ve got and always have had natural full lips but have never had the duck pout definition that fillets can create.

RoxyMuzak · 10/06/2023 10:05

giraffetrousers · 10/06/2023 09:52

I asked an acquaintance if she'd been in a fight. Oh dear

This says way more about you than her. Nasty.

I really wasn't being mean. Her face looked really odd like she'd been in an accident. If I'd known she was planning fillers I truly wouldn't have said it.