Can't cope with snoring!

[bumblebee1987]

I am literally about to throw my husband out of a window.

I know it's not his fault, but it isn't mine either, and I can't deal with it anymore. Our relationship is otherwise really good, but his snoring is so awful and I am so sick of no sleep. I sleep badly anyway, but this just makes it so much harder. I rarely fall asleep before 3am, and then have to get up at 7am. Any sleep I do get is broken because the snoring wakes me up continually.

There is nowhere else in the house for me to go and sleep. We regularly have to sleep downstairs because we have an elderly dog who can't get up the stairs any longer, and he often wants company at night, which neither of us has any problem doing and we take it in turns, but the living room is directly below our bedroom and his snoring is so bad that it reverberates through the house and keeps me awake even from another room on another floor.

It never used to be this bad, but it's getting much worse with age (he's 40 now). Our 'babies' are 10 and 4, I have done enough sleepless nights with them! We've tried over the counter stuff which makes no difference, but ultimately, I don't actually think he takes it seriously at all. Half the time when I get pissed off, he claims that he wasn't even asleep?!

Our GP surgery is so inundated that there isn't a solitary chance we'd get an appointment or any help from there if we tried. The majority of the time lately they are closed to all except emergencies, which this doesn't fall under.

What is the answer?! I really do understand that this isn't his fault, but it's having a huge impact on me. It isn't lifestyle related, he's not overweight, doesn't smoke, is completely t-total, works out and is relatively fit and healthy, so it's not like he can change any of those things in order to help. So what can we do?! I'm tempted to get a blow up bed or something and put it in my son's room as he is furthest away from my room and would give me the best chance of not hearing and possibly sleeping but a) he sometimes snores/talks in his sleep b) it's not an adequate long-term solution! My daughter's room is next to mine, so I can't go there as I can still hear it.

Any advice?! Anyone else manage this? It's 2:10am and he's next to me snoring like a steam train on crack and I'm wide awake as usual. 😭

That’s awful, OP, I was going to suggest he needs to go to a sleep clinic, but they need GP referrals, so that’s no help. Are you able to wear earplugs while you sleep? Does he sleep on his side, or have any sort of raised pillow to help?

I just found this link, don’t know if it’s worth considering.

https://www.mattressonline.co.uk/blog/family/anti-snore-pillow-really-work/#

Wishing you the best, lack of sleep is debilitating.

You have my deepest sympathies - I have one of those. It literally drives you mad.

Currently in the spare room and can hear it from here.

I’ve taken to recording it when it’s at its worst and from other rooms to drive the point home that it’s impossible to sleep through. I found propping them up slightly helps a bit but that relies on me managing to do it before they fall asleep. Oh and it seems to be worst on memory foam mattresses.

Sleepless Snoring Sufferer Solidarity.

Get to a doctor, get a sleep study, get a CPAP. Fix the situation. Seriously, I don't get the issue ..

I don’t have a solution @bumblebee1987 but I read your post and feel like I could have written it (and then I noticed our user names 😳😅 are you me?!)

I have the exact same problem with my DH, except we have been through the sleep studies etc too and found absolutely nothing. Like you, we’ve tried everything going that’s available over the counter. I dread to think how much we’ve spent on various pillows, mouth shields, nose pegs etc. His snoring is so bad that toddler DS has to sleep with white noise on as DHs snoring wakes him from the other side of our house 😔 currently sitting in my toddlers room holding him as he’s cutting his lash molars and refusing to be put down 😔 and I can hear DH snoring loud and clear over the white noise 😔 it’s loud enough that an iPhone will pick the sound up on a recording from DSs room, even when I’m sitting right next to his white noise machine.

For us, DH is so loud that he actually doesn’t hear DS at all if he wakes in the night. Even with a baby monitor right next to his head. Not in a shitty DH way that he’s just not bothering - he physically cannot hear him at all. He’ll absolutely get up and take his turn if I wake him but in the time it takes to actually wake him up, DS gets more upset and is much harder to resettle so it’s usually just easier for me to get up with him.

I also have great difficulty sleeping and have had sleep issues since I was a teen. It’s absolutely normal for me to have 3/4 hours or less of broken sleep per night. It’s just become the norm unfortunately. I’m at a complete loss as to what else I can do.
Im unable to wear earplugs myself (was present at a house robbery when I was younger and absolutely cannot sleep if I’m unable to hear what’s around me) plus, I wouldn’t feel safe doing so when I’m the only one that can hear DS in the night.

I have absolutely no answers for you but I feel your pain!

@lauraisa That’s all well and good if there’s a problem to be found that can be fixed. My DH has had full doctor investigations and they cannot find the cause of his snoring at all.

Wax earplugs can dampen it just enough to allow some sleep I find! Best ones I've found are from Boots.

DH uses this https://quickshare.samsungcloud.com/thx7HQvxmd2r
I use Beary Quiet ear plugs.
We sleep in different rooms - you have all my sympathy.

Sorry that link didn't work - it is snor guard from amazon, £39

One lovely thing about getting rid of Ex was no more snoring . It is an absolute killer . I was permanently exhausted and resentful . Also he couldn't be getting good quality sleep either? Apart from physically removing yourself there really is no solution when you tried other options. Such a shame as sleeping with a partner should be a nice thing. You have my sympathy. .

Yes you need to find ear plugs that work for you as there's no guarantee, even if he went to the doctor, that they can fix it.

I would prioritise it as it's absolutely catastrophic for your health to sleep so badly

My ex was a snorer and I honestly felt 10 years younger once I got into the habit of sleeping again after he had gone. You have my sympathies as it is utterly miserable.

Does he breathe through his mouth a lot in the daytime?

@InSpainTheRain
Is it the Difiney anti snoring device, if so I can second it. I had low hopes when my husband said he ordered it and was thinking he would need to see GP for more, but it actually works.
He also used an app to record his snoring in the past and it said it was 60 decibels but I swear it felt more like 100 to me!

@KevinDeBrioche my DH is a snorer and does this.

I started to wake him up when he snores. He said I was being very mean and looked so upset at having his sleep disturbed but that's what was happening to me. They are fine as they are sleeping. Sleep deprivation is awful and the only way for them to understand is to experience it and for it to be pointed out that you are waking them because they have woken you or are keeping you from sleep.

I have been through this and I know what it is like being deprived of sleep.
Does he stop breathing during the night and then gasp?

He needs a sleep study done. If you absolutely cannot go through your gp, consider going private. If he has sleep apnea it can lead to other health issues. Maybe they don't pick something up, but with my ex they did and he was at quite a dangerous level of lack of oxygen.

He got an cpap machine and I also slept for the time in years because he did.

You have my sympathies. I sleep alone now as divorced but bloody love it.

My DP is a snorer, and like your husband, says he wasn't even asleep when I nudge him!
I have tried many different ear plugs and find snore blockers about the best. They don't completely block it out, just muffle the noise.
On weekdays, I go to bed a good hour before he does and if his snoring wakes me, I take my pillow and sleep at the other end of the bed.

Thank you for all of your replies and recommendations, sorry to hear that there are so many in the same boat!

Ear plugs of any kind aren't an option unfortunately. DH sleeps through everything, and our DS has a vomiting problem, so I need to be able to hear when he wakes up as he is often sick in his sleep and doesn't realise.

While going private would be a great option, at the moment we can't afford it. We have paid privately for many things over the last few years (IVF, MRI, physiotherapy, ADHD assessment, DCD assessment, allergist etc), so we just can't justify anything else right now.

@lauraisa I'm happy for you that you 'don't get the issue.' However, it's not quite the easy fix that you seem to think it is. Whereabouts do you live in this country where this would be an easy problem to sort out? Where I live, resources are in extremely short supply, the wait time for urgent referrals for potentially serious issues is astronomical (I was given a neurology appointment with a whole year to wait, off the back of an urgent referral. A family member has been waiting eight months for an urgent gynaecology appointment, despite having had to call an ambulance twice in that time, and having attended A and E three times for morphine, and she still has no date to be seen by anyone. Another family member waited 18 months for a urology appointment, and was found to have a cricket ball sized lump on her kidney. So I highly doubt that my concerns about my husband snoring will be of any concern to anyone. Our GP surgery literally won't take calls from people unless they have an urgent problem, because they are in a crisis.

These threads are all very similar (I had a snoring ex husband). A lot sleep in another room. I used earplugs, when I slept in the same bed as him, and they didn't quite block out the noise. He wouldn't go to the GP so I slept in separate room. He tried nose strips and decongestant remedies but none of that worked.

He worked away so it could have been worse I suppose, but I remember feeling anxious when we'd book to go away about the sleeping arrangements. I remember he once booked a surprise trip away for my birthday and all I felt was dismay that I wouldn't be able to sleep that night in the hotel room.

The impact of lack of sleep is just awful and can't be sustained. If you (or he) can sleep elsewhere *and use earplugs?

Unless you can afford private healthcare then this would not be something easy to access and would likely involve a lengthy wait. If it worked, as it doesn't for all.

It's definitely an issue by the way. Countless threads testament to that.

My husband's snoring was worse when he was overweight just to add.

I’m the snorer here. My partner bought these amazing earplugs and that sorted things for us but I’ve seen you said earplugs aren’t an option.

asonor spray seems to make mine a bit quieter? Need to use regularly though.

Private sleep clinic?
Might be pricey but will be an investment to all of your health for the long term

Can you move into share with one of the children?
You should make a request for a GP appointment any way, just keep making or asking once a week until you get through, at least they will have a record of how many times you have asked for help, eventually you will get seen, using waiting times as an excuse to not try doesn't make sense since you will be left with the problem longer anyway.

I know you said it's impossible to get to the GP unless urgent, but just to add that I nearly lost my driving licence because of my untreated sleep apnea. So there's more going on than interrupted sleep, bad as that is. If the snoring is because of sleep apnea he shouldn't drive while it's untreated.

Thing is, there are sleep disorders that are an actual threat to life. Many a selfish fucker hasnt even tried to find a cause for their snoring and then wonder why they've had a heart attack. It can mean losing your driving licence. But it's never prioritised is it?

It's all very well throwing up your arms, saying oh well and venting at the shit sleep you're having but the damage to actual health can be catastrophic when you don't get enough sleep.

He NEEDS to at least try and get a GP appointment for a referral to a sleep clinic.