What do SAHMs do for hospital appointments?

[Itsherbirthday]

Wondering this as am eight months pregnant so I feel as if I’m on first name terms with my hospital at the moment! But children aren’t allowed into scans or other appointments. I can understand why, but I just wonder what you do if you don’t have an alternative? For instance, I have an appointment in a few weeks on a day I don’t work, DH will have to have our toddler but what if he couldn’t, or I was a single parent?

It depends babies fine, toddlers who are into everything no. HCPs have a job to do it's not simply looking at the fetus it's taking measurements checking all is well.
You can pay for adhoc childcare or ask the partner to take leave.

No, not everybody works, otherwise SAHMs wouldn’t exist to have hypothetical problems with childcare for hospital appointments! But in the same way I think working Mums often clustered together (my NCT group all went back to work FT and stayed friends whereas I had far less in common with them in day to day life), SAHM often end up being friends with others in the same boat. I didn’t have a single “Mummy friend” who worked more than two days a week when my kids were little, most didn’t work at all. We all ended up at the same groups and activities multiple days a week and when you see people almost every morning you get to know them!

When my kids were pre school age I had three then four other non working SAHM friends that I could and did ask “I’ve got a hospital appointment on Tuesday morning, could you take my X with you to toddler group?” They weren’t “at my beck and call” and I wouldn’t have asked for favours to go get my nails done, but it was absolutely normal to trade childcare, take extras to the park etc - no one was taking annual leave, I was just doing “my job” with an extra kid or two in tow. Now those SAHM friends mostly work PT during school hours but we still do school runs for each other, car pool to afterschool activities, we did each other’s shopping during covid lockdown, they were my backup if I went into labour at 2am while DH was at work…. We were and are each other’s SAHM “colleagues” I guess.

I’m not saying everything has that sort of network or chooses that way of being a SAHM or even lives somewhere where being a SAHM is a “thing”. But you seem to think it just doesn’t exist and that no friends would ever do that for each other whereas my experience as an actual SAHM (as opposed to people just imagining it) is that it is really not weird or that unusual. Babysitting a friend’s child for a routine hospital appointment is very normal to me. But you don’t get that community by sitting on your phone at the fringes, you have to put in the work to go to groups and meet people, get to know them and their kids, build trust, swap small favours and build relationships. Best way I met people was the couple of years I volunteered to help run the toddler playgroup!

I have had to miss a mammogram because I have no childcare, I am a foster parent to a child with complex medical needs and even my social worker has been unable to find me someone to help out. I am hoping I will be able to book an appointment in the school holiday as DD has all the skills necessary to look after my little person but she's a teacher and lives a 90 minute drive away so non term time appointments are the only ones that work for me. Most other clinics will allow me to take the little one but not mammograms.

I'd ask a friend to pop along and wait with the child.
Or hire a childminder to do the same or stay at home.
Go to the scan during school hours or when they are in a club or something.

What do SAHMs think that working parents do?

I think the premise of the discussion is that working parents would normally have regular childcare in place for when they are working, so if a hospital appointment is in 'normal' working hours their child would be at his/her regular childcare.
Of course if the working parent's appointment is outside those hours then the same discussion applies.

@TeenDivided yes I understand that. In which case the working parent would need to take leave to attend the appointment so not always as straightforward as the SAHMs imply (and therefore can be compared to the other parent having to take leave to facilitate the SAHP attending their appointment and given they would need to use less leave overall for childcare purposes it seems entirely reasonable to expect the working parent in the relationship to take a day off to allow their partner to attend an appointment).
Also there’s no law against SAHMs paying for childcare.

I think the issue is that working mums have a statutory right to take leave for maternity appointments, but the working partner of a SAHM doesn’t have that same statutory right to take time off to look after the other children while the mother attends that same appointment.

No, absolutely, but ad hoc childcare is difficult if not impossible to arrange. Nurseries and childminders require deposits and settling in sessions and regular sessions booked. You might be able to get a babysitter I suppose. I just genuinely wondered as I know I’d struggle if I was a SAHM!

It was very tough when I was a SAHM and we lived abroad as there was no one to help. It’s also tough to build up a support system when you are on your knees feeling ill, suffering from neutropenia and having repeated infections.

Ir was a big part of why we moved back to the UK to have family close by, and I make an effort to help other school parents out if they are running late etc as I know how it feels. In return they help me out when the NHS give me an appointment which clashed with the school run.

Even bringing along a friend's teen to sit in the waiting room would be fine.

How many teens are just doing nothing during the day, though? Most will be at college or school! I suppose at this time of year some might be on study leave or home from university but not all babies are born in the summer months

I know, but I gave loads of options above too including asking for the appointment in school time. But if you have friends you have options. It is the same for working people, I work and have never used childcare so I'm not assuming working people have childcare in place.

You can also book a scan for about £30 if you need one that more suits your timescales and the NHS won't accommodate.

You work but never use childcare but … what then? Someone cared for your children while you worked, so that same someone would be available for scans etc.

My inlaws or parents or if their both busy my dh would have to use annual leave

I'm self employed and worked less when they were young and qualified for free nursery then upped my income.
I have many friends, I have lived four decades, so yes I have lots of people. I know not everyone is as fortunate but friends are so important not least for things like this.

I'm friendly with neighbours and could even call on them.

@NoPicklesplease
If a friend wouldn’t make themselves available for your appt they’re not really a friend
So you would expect your friend to take half a day off work to look after your dc whilst you had an appointment or they aren't a real friend?? Wow. Demanding sort of person aren't you.