What do SAHMs do for hospital appointments?

[Itsherbirthday]

Wondering this as am eight months pregnant so I feel as if I’m on first name terms with my hospital at the moment! But children aren’t allowed into scans or other appointments. I can understand why, but I just wonder what you do if you don’t have an alternative? For instance, I have an appointment in a few weeks on a day I don’t work, DH will have to have our toddler but what if he couldn’t, or I was a single parent?

Actually it wasn’t a question, even!

If a friend wouldn’t make themselves available for your appt they’re not really a friend

I’ve been a single parent since day 1 and I pretty quickly learned that I’d need to ask people for favours at times. So I made sure I always offered to help others out when I could, so they’d return the favour.

I think mostly people do want to help, but a lot of the time you can’t, with the best will in the world. My work give me a hard time over my own hospital appointments, there’s no way that they would grant me time off (even unpaid) for someone else’s childcare.

I am sure many SAHMs have a wide network to draw on, but it can be tricky. We don’t have family to help, and sometimes people become SAHMs for that reason. So I can imagine subsequent pregnancies are tricky, unless you time them so there aren’t two children home at the same time!

You put yourself out to make friends so you can help each other out. It is a necessary part of being a parent if you don't have family nearby, even if you don't like it / are socially awkward.

Also helpful for when you bust your foot / are otherwise indespsed but DC still need to get to sand from school.

indisposed

I was lucky enough that even though DH worked DMIL and DM can to stay for a week each (in rotation) from when I was 39 weeks with DS2 so that someone could sort DS1 when I went into labour (as DH would be driving me to hospital). But I’d had offers from several local friends to call them in the middle of the night if necessary if DS2 was earlier (DS1 had gone to 42 weeks so I wasn’t too worried). And have made the same offer in return to others.

For me personally, ideally DH would be able to move some work around so that he could either take DC with him or could be home with DC, as he’s self employed (well we both are really) in agriculture. Realistically this time of year, I normally ask my MIL to have him, as she only works very part time and DH works very very full time ++ 🤣

I'm a sahm and my DC1 was in nursery 3 days a week for early years education when I was pg with DC2, so I scheduled all appointments for when she was in nursery. Now I have DC2 who is 13m and not in nursery yet, and I've had a few dental appointments. DH either wfh, or sometimes I just drop baby at his office for him to look after (specifically chose a dentist near his office to enable this, and his company are welcoming to family members dropping by the office). We don't have any family or friends locally who could help, and I wouldn't like to ask them.

Generally I've put off non-urgent appointments until DC2 is 2 as she'll be going to preschool then. Don't plan to have any more antenatal appointments ever again!

I have 3DC, I've taken them all to hospital appointments at various ages including the 'mobile toddler' years. The smear was the only time a HCP questioned their presence.

Like I said this isn't a SAHM vs WOHM issue, it's a 'don't live close to family' issue. And the answer is you take your children with you and strap preschoolers into their buggy so they can't roam about and HCPs know that is sometimes necessary for kids to be at appointments.

It certainly isn’t a SAHM vs WOHM issue, but if you’re at work, someone is looking after your children. It is very explicit at our hospital that children are not to be taken to appointments: I imagine in an emergency that they’d have to give some leeway to that rule but not for booked in advance appointments.

I also had an elective c-section (necessary for medical reasons) so we scheduled it for when DC1 was in nursery (she normally did a short day 9-4.30 but booked her in for extended hours 7am-6pm that day).

I always took mine with me. Either they came in the room with me, strapped in the buggy or the nurse/receptionist said to leave them with her. When they were about 4-5 it was buggy and iPad and once they were older and had a couple of friends I'd ask if one of the mum's would take them whilst I went. Did a couple of reciprocal play dates for doctors/dentist appointments!

It was actually harder when I had to take my younger one to meetings about my elder DDs SEN appointments. She got a bit of a reputation. It made the days of extracting a toddler from playing with the sharps bin in the midwives office seem easy (and no, she wasn't strapped in a buggy as the midwives office was up a steep set of stairs!)

To me (working lone parent) I assume it must be easy for SAHP's to go to appointments as they have time to make friends and have a network. When my dc's were at primary school it was the SAHP's who would help each other out as they had the time to do it.

It can be a challenge.

I was a sahm and we lived abroad from family, but we were lucky DH was fairly flexible in his work, so he’d usually wfh for a half day or go in late or whatever.

My DS went to nursery 2 mornings a week once he was 2, so I tried where possible to have appointments in that time. Also nursery could be flexible sometimes so that was extremely helpful.

I also had a group of sahm friends. Some of us were in the same boat with zero family so we would help each other for childcare for appointments.

If all else fails then child comes with, usually strapped into buggy with my phone playing cocomelon to keep them quiet

Our hospital was explicit as well but when you have no other option it's not a problem. HCPs know the difference between someone who takes the piss and someone who has no option. I am telling you in my experience over 10 years of having preschoolers I only once was questioned by a HCP about having a child at a medical appointment.

I can also tell you that most work places expect you to organise medical appointments in a way that least inconveniences them so you can't organise an appointment for the morning you are at work, you're expected to have them on your day off.

My son was in daycare two days a week so I went then. My once had to ask one of my husband's work colleague's wife to have my baby (six weeks) while I visited my husband in hospital. They lived nearby and there was no other option and she kindly volunteered.

Take them in a pushchair

We don't live near any family and when I was pregnant with our 2nd baby, DH had to take time off work and have our 1st DC so I could attend scans.
He now has leave if I have any appointments so that he can have the kids.
We are moving back closer to family so hopefully there'll be other people we can ask now

For scans it’s still not allowed

I've spoken about this on here a while ago. When I was pregnant with my 2nd I had appointments coming out of my ears (surprise complications). Organising childcare for my 2yo was the worst part of the whole experience!

Appointments were always different days and times so couldn't organise something longterm with paid help (plus childcare options are so thin on the ground, what childminder is going to take a kid for a few random hours here and there). I called in every favour possible, there was no way DH could take 2 whole days off every week from work for 5 months, I took her to a couple and cancelled a couple of appointments over it. Told them I couldn't get childcare so she came or I cancelled and they said she couldn't come so that was that!

I had to attend an 8 week pregnancy scan with my then 9 month old baby. My colleagues (I had been a doctor in the same hospital) fell about laughing and asked me if I knew what was causing it yet! But there was certainly no problem in baby DD attending with me - the clinic nurses were fighting over who got to cuddle her.

Probably more likely (well in my experience) for single parents to be SAHP. As they haven’t got a partner they can tag team children/work with.

You bring the siblings in. No reason why they shouldn't be allowed if you are happy for them to be in. Children can't look after themselves so obviously go with their parents.
Some backwater hospitals disallow this, explain that child hatred and not understanding how families work aren't compatible with patient care.