Is retirement all it's cracked up to be?

[madroid]

If you have actually retired, are you enjoying it?

All things being equal, without, for example, health problems are you actually enjoying your free time? What do you do? What does your day look like?

I imagine there's a 'honeymoon' period where you relish not having to get up to go to work, catch up with all sorts of things... but then what? What have you got into?

I reduced my full-time job incrementally over the two years before retirement at 67. Crucially, the house was paid off. This bit really matters.
I'm busy with the house, gardening, book club, my dog, the gym, volunteer work, theatre, ballet, films, etc. It's not worked out quite as planned as my DH died several years ago and the retirement plans were fucked. Then COVID.
What I miss is the holidays, as these were always planned by my DH and I stupidly don't get my head round how much needs to be done way in advance. I became conscious of this last week for no real reason, feeling I was pissing my life away.
Advice? Do it now, don't wait. My DH and I didn't, having many a fab holiday, while the house remained unrenovated in some (minor) ways. If you have this time and money do it now.

I retired 2 yrs ago (DH is slightly younger and still working) and have no problem filling my days. I take the dog for long walks, near and far, meet friends near and far for lunch or days out, trips away. I am very much an organiser so quite proactive at arranging meet ups. Love going to nearby cities for days out, museums etc. Just got my senior rail pass to facilitate this!

I visit relatives in other counties, do a walking holiday each year (started these when still working). My DD is on a gap year so we had some time away before Christmas and I am joining her on her travels further afield in August.

We have had a caravan for almost 25yrs and last year bought a small motorhome. We have used it as a couple, but I am happy to use it alone too. Just back from seeing relatives in Ireland in it.

I am intending joining a gym, but for various reasons (my 60th, DD gap year), am having a run of trips away at moment, so no point paying gym fees! The autumn will be quieter. Also may do a photographic class, having got an SLR camera for birthday. I also have a list of short OU courses that I will start at some point. Not really interested in volunteering as don’t wanted to be tied down whilst we have dog (she is 10 so won’t always be here).

I also do all family admin, enjoy reading, walking, cycling.

As a friend (5+ yrs in) said on Friday, I am still in early days of retiring! I have another friend 5yrs in, a recent widow, who blows my mind with how busy she is (some of that is obvs due to being widowed, wanting to keep busy). She and I frequently ask each other how we ever had time to work!

I do think women are less likely to sit at home than men, although DH is into cycling and watersports so I can’t see him sitting at home when he finishes (he barely stops now, when working.)

I really don’t miss work at all! Not one bit!

I have retired early, I await DH who is a little younger than me.

My week this week is the following.

Two mornings volunteering, a community garden project and I do the window display and all internal displays in a charity shop and assist with restocking.

Walking with three friends this week on three different afternoons, all retired early. Two of them do voluntary work like me, I actually met one when we volunteered for a food project. The other does a lot of caring for her Mum who has dementia.

I am meeting my mate who is remarrying and still a young un at just 40 on Friday afternoon for a coffee as she has an afternoon off. I have actually had to put off two social requests as can't fit them in.

I think a bit of voluntary work and lots of friends have made my retirement very pleasant. When DH retires we are buying a camper van and travelling round Europe and the UK and probably America.

I also belong to various hiking groups and am about to join the WI. I’m not a professional but am decent at floristry so have done a little of that as well. Made a wedding bouquet and buttonholes for a wedding recently and do displays in church, table decorations and Christmas wreaths as gifts.

@2bazookas What a really uplifting post, I’m sorry to read your parents died so young but how wonderful advances in medicine have given you a retirement.

I was looking forward to joining the village WI but not now they admit men.

I always wanted to retire early and achieved it - I started winding down with part time work before hand for a few years and cultivated friendships old and new and hobbies old and new.

I wouldn’t want to go back to work, I have sufficient social life and hobbies that I do enjoy (and money to do it with) and I don’t miss work at all, but will admit to feeling a lack of purpose and have found that this stage of life can be filled with grief and loss and it all feels a bit pointless as it’s not going to end well for any of us!

My DH died, my DPs died and as my old friends reached retirement age many decided to up sticks and start a new life elsewhere a long way away geographically with their spouse. Yes, I can visit but I certainly won’t see them so frequently.

Not sure what the answer is yet to my existential crisis!

@Whatevergetsyouthroughthenight I get your post- and actually it's interesting to see a post that's not full of constant hiking and holidaying couples - as I think many find themselves in your situation too. My lovely FIL for one.

Absolutely loving it. No TV here either! I retired at 52 a few years ago

The key element is to have enough income so you afford to do things. DP now indulges himself 2 days a week on the heritage railway ( not my thing. He’s welcome to it). Today we are both having lunch with friends and I decided last week to book a few days in Dorset for next week before the summer madness hits.

Weeks are full and busy with day time classes, I both teach and attend, dog walking, helping my elderly parents and generally chilling and doing what we want, when we want.

I am very lucky I know.

I dream of retirement. I am ready now in my 40s but bank balance doesn't agree. So jealous reading this thread!

I don't like being busy.

@madroid thank you for starting this thread, it has been great to read.

I’ve spent the last few years thinking/fantasising about retirement and have finally decided that next spring will be the right time for me when I’ll be almost 57. I’ll be able to make it work financially (although obviously with less than I currently earn) and it would feel like a natural end point given some upcoming changes at work.

There are lots of helpful ideas on this thread, and it’s given me a lot to think about re managing my time. I need a bit of structure and think things like gym classes, some voluntary or paid PT work, and further learning will be the way to go. That plus more travelling, especially in the UK - a lot of which will be on my own as DP will still be working.

I’m still amused by the comment that gardening is a path to decline. I ache more after an afternoon’s gardening than after any gym class, and get a lot of intellectual challenge from it as I learn more about what to grow and where etc. it also makes a huge contribution to good mental health.

@BeaBachinasec well that's honest!!

Nope, not at all. I quite happily admit to putting myself first, why on earth shouldn’t I after a lifetime of always putting myself last!
I have lots of interests, friends and things to keep me busy if that’s what I feel like doing, if I don’t then I happily sit and read or knit while listening to podcasts.

My mother retired around 50 and has spent every single day cleaning, watching tv, going into town (which is a northern town in severe decline with about two shops) and pottering in the garden. She's never left the town. Miserable existence.

I plan to retire at 60, enjoy long dog walks, NT days, beach days, hire a campervan for the summer, have weekends away, travel to different cities, gym, swim, actually finish books. Basically all the things I do on my days off but extended. I can't wait!

I was thinking exactly that because this is my observed experience too. I do know one couple who have a camper van and grandchildren so that keeps them busy but otherwise it's as you describe. Apart from them, I don't really know any retired men who want to go on outings and trips or who take up hobbies apart from pottering in the garden, and certainly not volunteering. Instead, they take over the whole house and garden and their wives have to organise things to get them out. And no more time alone for the wife anywhere in the house, or even to go shopping!

"Women grow wings while men grow slippers " is much closer to what I've observed with many retired couples

That is so inspiring! Thank you ♥️

This isn’t my experience of my DH and his friends. They were always a sporty crowd ( which I encouraged) and cycle, swim, run (slowly), bowls, fishing, golf, walk - they do loads. They also volunteer and
marshal events plus do some consultancy work, socialise with ex work colleagues - as well as the travel. In fact they’re much less likely to sit and chat over coffee- they like an activity. As for daytime TV - they’d be horrified.

@Okki exactly right but it helps if you can manage pretty ok - certainly with travelling about

I like the idea of a camper van but know I'd feel chafed with 24/7 coupledom in one, plus don't you long for a decent shower?! Lol.

Now that sounds perfect!

Whilst it's a bit depressing I think posts like yours @daffodilandtulip do add some balance - because it's not all hiking, gym and cruises for many.

I agree about it does show you what you don't want retirement to be!!

Great thread. I remember Kate Garraway saying her garden/gardening is very calming. My husb friend retired 60s but they keep busy. Hobbies help too.

@BigFatLiar

"I have some short breaks abroad and OH has this thing about visiting all the seaside piers and proms around the UK so we get lots of short trips around about."

I adore hearing about people with quirky hobbies and love this! And you get a motorbike! Love what you've written

I was also surprised to see how much less I spent.
Obviously there was no commute to work, with less fuel and vehicle wear and tear costs, less need for clothes and shoes, no purchases of lunches, contributions to birthdays, sponsored this and that, fewer hairdresser visits.
Winter fuel and going out went up a bit, but overall, I spent less.

Being able to pay off the mortgage and being debt free was also a big part of my retirement preparation. That and making sure I had enough books and music and things for winter hibernation.

DH goes out less than I do but does most of the shopping, goes down to the allotment and to the village pub, so I don't feel we're crowding each other and I get my much needed alone time.
In a way, lockdown was a sort of dress rehearsal for retirement and certainly influenced my decision not to return to the office.

My mum thinks it's great. So do I. She does a lot of the school runs and childminding😂

Yes, this is why I like the more "ordinary " posts, I can relate to them more (though they're few and far between!). I'm stunned by how many can afford to retire in their 50s and go on constant holidays. I only know one person who does this but her DH is a fair bit older and didn't retire at that age