Apologies for the length but this is subtle and petty so I just want to explain.
Generally speaking, I love my MIL, she's a lovely woman and has always been very kind and welcoming to me. She is incredibly close with her two grandchildren from her daughter and spends several days a week with them as well as usually one or two overnight stays a week. Thery're home-schooled and MIL has made the odd, snarky comment to me about being put upon by her daughter to help so much because without her and no school, her daughter doesn't get a break. But for the most part I think she's genuinely very happy to have them so much and the comments are more irritation at the expectations her daughter has that she'll always help rather than the actual time she gives them if that makes sense.
My DC are only very small still, 2yo and 4mo. I work full time and we pay for full time childcare. DH and I have never asked and never would ask for her to have the DC on a regular basis to cover childcare but it's also never been offered so we're clearly in the same boat with not wanting that kind of arrangement.
I'm currently on maternity leave and although we have always seen a fair amount of MIL at weekends, obviously I have the luxury of offering more time to spend with her during the week whilst I'm off so I invite her along to whatever we're up to at least once a week.
So the thing that annoys me, is MIL always speaks about how she's happy to 'help me'. We've started a regular activity that I took DC to myself for several weeks before inviting MIL specifically to that. When she got there she took my baby off to help her sleep in her pram whilst I stayed with my toddler to play; I usually just have her in the sling anyway. Afterwards she went on about how much better it was that we could 'divide and conquer' the DC, which I suppose yes, but that wasn't the point for me at all. It wasn't on for half term and she said, oh that's good because I'm not free next time to come and help. I never asked for her help. I didn't invite her because I wanted her help, I invited her so she could come and enjoy the time with her grandchildren.
I always say thank you for coming to spend time with us everytime we've seen her and she always ends it with 'you know I'm always happy to help'.... Again... I didn't ask for help! It's not about help.
The thing is I'm not proud! When I have needed help I have asked. It's not often but when there have been clashing doctors appointments or whatever I have asked and been very grateful to receive help. But I'm getting really irritated at her presumption that I only invite her to things if it's for her to help me.
I guess where I've seen over the years how much she's expected to help out with her older DGC and she's made snarky comments to me about having to and I never wanted to put upon her in the same way and I just hate the idea of her making snarky comments about me to her other DC. I want to make it clear that I'm not asking her for help every time. But she just has this way of never acknowledging that. We were around her house a few weeks ago and I overheard her say to a neighbour that popped in 'my DGC I hear, I help with them once a week'. And my blood to boil a bit because seriously?!
I think though, she is one of this people to that despite the comments, she loves to be needed. She's made a lot of comments about wanting my older DD to have a sleepover but she's never just asked if she can have her, it's always 'I could have her once a month to help out and you can have a rest' and I always turn her down because DH and I don't need a rest right now and feel no need to ship DD off anywhere. If she just asked if she could have DD for the night we'd be fine with that, I'm not precious about her not having a sleepover but I'm being stubborn I suppose and wanting her to ask and not make it sound like she's doing us this big favour.
I know I'm being a bit unfair and perhaps just being precious because it doesn't really matter and I know it would make her happy if I'd just act like yes, everything she does is this great help. But I can't stop myself being irritated by it.