I feel very jealous of other single parents

[PeaceLilyCactus]

I feel very jealous of sole/single parents whose ex-partners co-parent their children. I’m the only person I personally know whose ex has next to no involvement with their children.

The other single parents I know have at least a night or two a week to themselves and shared responsibilities, which is how it should be. It’s yet another weekend where I’ve been invited places and can’t go because I don’t have childcare. I’m tired of being solely responsible for our children.

I’m not looking for anyone to provide a solution, it’d just be nice to hear from other parents in the same boat. My mum helps when she can but has bad health.

I feel like parts of my life (romantic relationships / certain hobbies) are on hold until my children are older. I love them to bits, wouldn’t be without them and I know we have a nice life, but I’m feeling it tonight. 🙁

That sounds very tough. It’s hard feeling judged for your ex’s behaviour when you’re the good parent. All the best for the future.

No a single parent is someone who manages the extreme majority of their child's life/social/emotional care, with minimal involvement of the nrp.

Luckily we haven't seen my ex since I stopped contact (alcoholic). I generally try to think of the positives. No arguments over parenting or mental load and my son and I have a great time. Everyone has accepted if they invite me he comes too or I can't make it. I only really feel it when I am ill and I can't take myself to bed.

It’s unfortunate that I’m not alone but still nice to see others understand. I stopped contact after he messed them around for two years, he took legal action (because his mother forced him too) and he’s never stuck to the childcare agreement once. He cancels at the last minute all the time too and has told others he does it because he doesn’t want me to move on or have a new relationship. It’s very unfair.

I feel the same op. I have 4 children and ex has never once had them overnight in 6 years since we split. I'm very jealous of single parents that get regular nights off

Like you I also don't know any single mums (irl) whose exes aren't involved

Thanks, I don’t envy married mothers as much either and I’m not sure why. Maybe because I don’t crave being married again.

He's had no involvement since he tried to kill me and harmed the baby

Zero

And lucky we made it out

Yes it is tough but would be so much harder if we had to deal with this Fck wit

I hear you, OP. My DH died nearly 7 years ago now - my two are 14 and 11.5. Not getting easier here as eldest has some additional needs. I am really really tired.

It can be hard and can seem so unfair.

It does suck if you have a need or a want of a partner. I was fine if times were hard and difficult but I really missed celebrating the dcs successes and achievements with someone. But it means I’m so bonded with my dc now. They are 21, 19 and 17 now and any little thing they call me about. They simply do not have the relationship with their father to share any and everything with. I have put in all the hard work, the sleepless nights, the worry, the reward, and I am their first port of call.

I wish they had two parents but circumstance means that there is, has always been, and will always be me and that seems (so far at least) to have been enough to raise these amazing, resilient and independent people so I have no doubt you can do this too.

Thank you. I feel for you too. I’ve tried to date over the years but it doesn’t work because I’m not willing to quickly introduce them to my children, and I can’t commit to even one night a week with someone. I’ve given up at this point and it gets to me sometimes. I really miss having sex. Lol.

I feel you! I’m 28 still with my child’s dad but we live separately and he literally does as he pleases 98% of the time the one thing he did ask for my opinion and “ permission” was a week abroad which boiled my blood when he went. My daughter is 18 months old and as I’m sat here tonight she’s fell asleep on my lap after a 3 hr nap. He sends me away whenever he wants a break but he will never offer to have our daughter on his own! I’ve had one night off which was last week in 6 months.

I just keep thinking about right now and also knowing in the not so distant future she will be older able to talk to me and do alot
more! It’s hard but it doesn’t last forever, I feel so bad for you

It's not fair and is crappy, but unfortunately it's the reality of your situation. Yes it's tough, but your kids will notice and thank you when they're older. Have you considered finding a trustworthy baby sitter you can hire? Or asking friends to meet up when kids are in daycare? Not ideal I know but at least you can have some sort of social life.

I know two other single parents who work (I work full time from home) but their ex’s are heavily involved with childcare. It really does make such a big difference to moving on with your life.

I was in same situation, husband died, no support but I remember a lady telling me once that when her kids were younger she wished she hadn't wasted so much time on trying to find someone. That kind of stuck with me.
I just decided that this was just a stage of my life l was meant to be alone and got on with making the best of it. The benefit to that was l became very independent, l made peace with my "temporary" situation and now my children are all grown up l have a lot more time to myself to do whatever l want. I don't have any regrets about not being able to socialize much back then, because that time taught me to find out who l was and what l want, and what l thought l wanted back then isn't what l want now. But l didn't have that insight until later.

My youngest is autistic so I feel for you. It’s so hard isn’t it, and it makes finding a babysitter near impossible.

10yrs as a solo parent. None of my social group or family in the same situation as me. I used to be very jealous of single parents whose ex's would have the children for hours/days. It's been tough but so much easier now.

Thank you for sharing this. I do have a very close bond with both children, and I suspect in a few years time they’ll only see him at birthdays/Christmas and then never as adults.

I know they’re great kids and that’s solely down to my hard work. You’re absolutely right in taking pride in the fine adults you’re children have become. I just sometimes wish my life was a bit easier.

And I wish they had a better male role model (my father died a few years ago). My ex’s dad is awful too but his mother enables/tolerates him. I’m hoping I’ve broken the cycle by showing my children to expect better.

Yes and younger involved grandparents too.
I was widowed when my kids were 4 and 6, my in laws didn't show much interest snd my father had already passed and my mother in her 80s. I would hear other mums say they went away with their husbands for a weekend because the grandparents took the kids. I actually only knew one divorced parent and their ex had their son half the week so she has time to herself and to date.
But that wasn't the hardest part of being a lone parent. It's the psychological toll, the total responsibility and the difficulty when you look at your struggling teenage son and wish that he had a father to help guide him.

When your dc turn out to be the most amazing people you have ever met it will be because of you. It is hard during this bit. I was single for over 10 years when the kids were growing up. It was only when they were a bit independent I started dating again. I am now married, just about to graduate and start a new career. I had to put all of this on hold when the dc were younger. It’s like my life was on pause for a long time but it was worth the sacrifice. It does suck. I wish I’d had my dc with the man who could have supported me but I have ended up with everything I would have wanted. Patience is so very hard but establishing and maintaining the best relationship with your dc has to be a priority. You are clearly already doing that. The rest will come. Just invest in some decent adult ‘toys’ and refuse to settle for men who won’t worship you and your dc. They are out there but patience really is the key. I really wish you all the best as you clearly deserve it.

I too am a single parent. My daughter will see her dad for 2 hours tops. My mother who has Alzheimers also lives with me. I just have accepted that life outside of this is on hold.
I am pretty exhausted constantly though so doing anything extra on top of what I currently do would feel over whelming. I just crave time to myself.
I also think with regards to romantic involvement, it crosses off the stress of introducing a new person into the mix as it simply won't happen.
I am OK with that but can completely understand how it feels xxx

You're not alone. Fellow lone parent as I call it, everyone I know who say they are a single parent have a Fellow parent willing to take the child at times. Mine is 4yo, been away from me twice overnight at birth purely for emergency situations. Back by 7am 🙄 now child is at school it helps slightly. But they have SEN so that really is my only break. Sending love. It's not easy.

My Dds dad is a paedophile
No involvement for nearly 8yrs
She's got SEN and trauma related mental illness. She hasnt been in full time education for a year and i have her 24/7 until September when she starts at a psychiatric unit. Shes been unable to leave the house for months so it really has been 24/7 with no break.

But it is what it is.

I know admiration counts for nothing, but I've always admired Mums like you. I'm a single Mum, but DCs parents see them a night a week. There's been times when I've broken down, cried and just not regretted all of my life choices because I've been totally overwhelmed. And then I think if the sacrifices that Mums like you make. Don't ever forget that you're amazing for doing this by yourself, you're the epitome of a strong, independent, determined woman and your child/ten will grow up and eventually understand how much you worked and sacrificed to give them a great life.

*just regretted