Talk to me about your DS's that don't like football

[user134276]

Have just been on holiday with my two boys. We had a great time at a holiday park type place with an excellent playground. Both boys spent hours here every day. My youngest DS(5) made lots of little friends. My eldest (8) said he was happy but was on his own the whole time. All the other boys 7+ were in this big football type cage the whole time or playing basketball. There were a few girls his age who he chatted to in passing but they were buddying up with each other. He just looked a bit lost.

It's all part of a bigger picture as this year he's drifted a bit from his peers. They seem to have matured a bit more than him and I'd say 75% of his male class mates are obsessed with football. He has a best friend but his best friend has started to drift a bit towards the football boys. This has left my DS on his own at times. He has a few female friends but says he gets teased about 'being in love' with them. I think he's begining to understand he is a bit different to the norm. He's often excluded from birthday parties because they are sporty parties or because he's on the fringes of the friendship group. His teacher says he's well liked but I think his peers tolerate and don't mind him rather than actively picking him to spend time with him. Does that make sense?

He is 8.5 and in y3. He's ND with ADHD and some ASD traits. He's honestly a lovely little boy, he's kind and chatty. He will happily let anyone join in with what he's doing. He loves to build and play imaginary games (like floor is lava, Pokemon and army style games). He's clever and a bit geeky, would happily talk about almost anything rocks/cars/animals/space for hours. He loves gaming and plays Roblox and Minecraft. He enjoys drama too and does go to a drama club. But he's dyspraxic and finds all sport to be incredibly difficult. He simply cannot coordinate himself. As a result, anything that involves a ball, he will avoid like the plague. He won't even go up to a friend to say hi if they are playing football.

My DH and I have always told him he's fantastic just the way he is. He has such a lot to give and offer. But I feel that 8 is a really hard age. Is there anything I can do to help him navigate this? He cannot and know he is not the only boy who doesn't like football and struggles a bit to fit in but it's so hard to sit back and watch as he recognises he's on the fringes.

Words of wisdom from those who have been through this already? Can I do anything I haven't already?

Some people and kids are happy with there own company
trying to force friendship or interest can be there idea if he’ll

I have a 14-yr-old DS who is not interested in football at all - never has been. When he was at primary school his best mates were into drawing and chess. Now he is at secondary and the boys seem to have split into different crowds - football, basketball, and D&D. He is in the basketball crowd who if I had to generalise I would say are an eclectic bunch, laidback and friendly, probably less overtly competitive than the football boys. He also has plenty of friends who are girls and they all hang out after school as a mixed bunch. He will find his tribe OP.

My DS wasn't a fan of playing football and there were plenty of other boys who didn't either. They just find each other

My son is 10, he sounds very much like your boy and for the longest time wouldn't have anything to do with football, wouldn't play it, wouldn't watch it. Just wasn't interested at all.

This actually is changing now although he still doesn't play it at school but it really did have an impact on him.

He was hugely limited to who he could play with as most of the boys played football at break times.

It did effect his confidence as he frequently would talk about the "cool kids" who played football.

I have no advice really unfortunately, just that I have been there too. Actually his new ish school frequently stop them playing football for a term or so which I think is great as it means the kids have to think of something else to play which may be more inclusive.

It's hard, maybe his interests may change but if not then hopefully he can find his way with like minded friends.

Oh and my son is also dyspraxic and finds sport difficult. He also has had kids, and parents actually. Laughing at him when he does sport which has obviously put him off.

Awww he sounds just like my boys.

DS1 was friends with girls for most of primary school. Usually ones in the year group below him (mixed classes)
He made a few good friends at secondary school, and some more at college. He's 18 now and only has a handful of friends. Male, female and 'anything in between'.

DS2 had a very very close-knit group of friends at primary. Some liked football, some didn't. They drifted apart in year 6, and mostly went to different secondary schools. He made another group of great friends, again male and female. None of them like football. They like pokemon, anime, Harry Potter, lego, rock painting.

I think being at secondary helps. There's so many more children and therefore so many more interests.

I know secondary seems a long way off right now. What does he like? Are there any groups local to you that feed his interests? Eg cubs, dance, a board game club etc?

Might he be interested in football cards? It could be a way of connecting with boys in a way that is not playing the sport?

My ds was / is similar despite DH's best efforts. Zero interest. He does enjoy climbing, judo and any type of water sports. The climbing especially was great, they tend to meet others who aren't as football obsessed as well. But ultimately it's important your ds fells happy in his own skin. It got easier at secondary school when my ds joined in lots of lunchtime clubs and met people with similar interests as well.

Tbh it's never been a problem, they just had friends who also didn't love football/had other interests in addition to football. It's unfortunate that he's surrounded by football-mad boys.

I'd help him build up his friendships with other children outside of school, from drama or cubs or art club etc.

my little boy was just like this in y2. Never liked football- and it was all the other boys wanted to do! He started juniors and the school was 4 classes per year instead of one. He made so many new friend as there were more kids he was more likely to find some that wanted to do rubix cubes or programming club or play spies or talk about Minecraft.
could you ask the teacher if there are any other lost little lads in the other classes that they might be able to subtley pair your by up with? Other than that just make sure you get him mixing with as many kids as possible and eventually he’ll find some kindred spirits.

We have this issue, our son likes sport, but he doesn’t like football, he also had some nastiness where he was treated unkindly as he mixed up a football rule and a rugby union rule. He’s almost eight, until recently his school friends were almost exclusively girls, however they’re now of an age where friendship groups are starting to split and become exclusively girls or exclusively boys. So at the moment he doesn’t really have anyone he can reliably play with at breaktime, which does upset him and he has started eating his lunch very slowly or waiting for the lunch staff to open each item in his lunch box to delay him going outside. Secondary school will be easier as there will be more people like him, but he’s finding it very tough at the moment.

Both DSs here (and DH), none of them excited by football. DS1 is cricket obsessed and that isn’t as cool or as universal as football but he has friends from cricket and just shrugs it off most of the time. I’m looking forward to him getting to secondary where, by all accounts, fewer of the kids care about playing football as much. DS2 is still little enough that he plays mainly with the girls with no comment at all. I fear that will change in the next year or so and am trying to encourage him to broaden his social circle. Again, he has mates from cricket.

My Autistic nearly 14yo DS has never liked football (or indeed any team sport). He’s got hypermobile joints (common with Autism) which means he couldn’t do high impact stuff anyway, and he hates the feeling of being sweaty (sensory).

Only in the last year has he chosen to do paddle sports - kayaking and canoeing - for his PE lessons at school. Never in my life would’ve predicted he’d delight in being in the river, in a wetsuit, in the Thames in freezing January weather but he loves it! He’s also started going to teen sessions at the local gym at weekends.

There is hope yet for your DS to find something he likes, don’t panic!

I do say he is just like Morris Moss here:

My son is almost 8, he has two friends at school and one best friend outside of school (who he's known since babyhood) He likes history, model painting, chess, math and coding/computers. No desire for any sports - apart from swimming he loves a pool day. We've really tried to hit home that it's not about the quantity of friends but making friends that make you feel good - not pressured or uncomfortable.

Is he allowed to read at break time? The school My son attends allows a book to be brought in for play time....which really helped my son find those kids whose aren't into running after a ball - it also served as a good ice breaker (imo) for him as he got to chat about his favourite topics (and develop new ones).Is there any none sport afterschool clubs to join in too?

Try Cubs. I'm a Cub leader, and he sounds a lot like many of our boys.

DS has never liked football, he has a large group of friends who also don’t like it,

I'm not sure about your town but I've seen something I would have sent my boy too, coding club (which would have been right up his street) might be worth a google at some different types of clubs or summer clubs to get mixing
Good luck it really does break your heart xx

I think you may have found yourself in an unlucky position of having a particularly football keen class. I have two boys. One was in a very football mad class and the other had a lot more varied interests. hopefully as he gets older he will find more like minded kids. this should definitely be the case at secondary and I would highly recommend scouts to him.

i would say though that football is actually normally very inclusive. Check the ethos at the local football club. Our local club has an A, B and C team so everyone is catered for. The C team play against other C teams and so have the opportunity to develop too. And you may find that your boy enjoys football more as he gets older and grows out of imaginary play. That’s what happens sometimes.

DS 15 who has asd, has no interest in sports whatsoever ever. He did divulge in a bit of basketball here and there but he couldn’t care less about sports, we are a football family so it kills me he’s not interested, he has his quirky little traits and I wouldn’t change him, I have dd10 75% interested in football so that’s good enough 😁

I'm younger than the average mumsnetter, I was born in 01 and growing up in the 00s/10s around 75% of boys were obsessed with football and the rest were into more "nerdy" hobbies (I don't mean that word rudely it's just the easiest way to explain)
He will find his friend group as he grows especially when he goes to secondary school and the pool of friends to choose from enlargens.
The boys that disliked football would usually spend Breaktimes in the library playing card games or on the computers and they generally speaking got into less trouble then the 75%. So don't look on it as a Bad thing either

Nothing much to add except your son sounds a lovely fun boy that my son (age 7) would love to be friends with. 🙂

My DS (now 15) went through a football phase aged around 9, but has since admitted that he didn’t really like it; he just wanted to fit in. He’s much happier with his computer and doing stuff like playing board games and bird watching. He may be a nerd, but he’s a happy one, and there are plenty of them at his school so he’s got some good friends.

Give it time: your son will find his people.

My eldest had a large group of friends who were all football crazy, he was the only one who showed zero interest but he was like a sponge with everything he read so was very quiet but very popular with his friends.
Come secondary school they all moved into highschool together but we're separated into forms and sets, so he had no choice but to make new friends.
One parents evening before end of year exams an ICT teacher asked me if he'd started revising for his exam yet, I replied honestly that he had not, a group of kids spoke up in defence of Ds, sir he helps the teacher work stuff out! He doesn't need to revise!
I know it sounds like I'm boasting but what I learned that day was although I worried that he was a little geeky, I also saw that he had a good lot of friends who seemed to respect him for who he really was even though they were all football mad unlike him

My son is 24 now. He's never been the slightest bit interested in football and has always favoured drama and music.

He had friends at primary - He just didn't play football but really came into his own at secondary school and University and is really popular at work.

(He also has dyspraxia.)

Boys don't have to like football, you know...

This sounds exactly like my DS. School friendships are difficult for him so we are trying to focus on building relationships outside of school. He does cubs which he enjoys and has recently started a coding club which has been really great for him.