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Original poster

Help me get over a f*ckboy

31 replies

SingleMumHelpMePlease · 31/05/2023 20:44

So my husband left me about 2 years ago. I've been seeing someone for a few months. I won't lie all the f*ckboy signs were there. But nether the less I fell for him. Totally and utterly. And today it hit me, that he really doesn't give a shit.

I feel awful, but need to be strong and cut him off for good.

Do I message him ti say I am done? Or just stop messaging?

Any tips for distractions? I have young children so my ideals (going for a run whenever I feel like it) are not always possible.

Feeling incredibly fragile so please be kind.

Thanks.

OP posts:
Summerishereagain · 31/05/2023 20:47

Message him to say it was fun but it’s not working for you now and wish him luck. Then block him on everything and delete his number.

Original poster
SingleMumHelpMePlease · 31/05/2023 20:51

Good plans @Summerishereagain thank you for your reply

OP posts:
ItsHitTheFanNow · 31/05/2023 20:53

I wouldn't bother messaging.

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Relationship problems
AnyFucker · 31/05/2023 20:54

Just ghost him and guard yourself a bit more next time x

OneMoreCookieMonster · 31/05/2023 21:04

SingleMumHelpMePlease · 31/05/2023 20:44

So my husband left me about 2 years ago. I've been seeing someone for a few months. I won't lie all the f*ckboy signs were there. But nether the less I fell for him. Totally and utterly. And today it hit me, that he really doesn't give a shit.

I feel awful, but need to be strong and cut him off for good.

Do I message him ti say I am done? Or just stop messaging?

Any tips for distractions? I have young children so my ideals (going for a run whenever I feel like it) are not always possible.

Feeling incredibly fragile so please be kind.

Thanks.

What made you realise?

Original poster
SingleMumHelpMePlease · 31/05/2023 21:09

@OneMoreCookieMonster he used to make me so many promises. He hasn't come through on any of them. I have bent over backwards to see him whenever I can, which is hard when I have kids. Today he was supposed to take a day off so we could spend time together. He didn't bother and his excuse was laughable. He just doesn't ever give a shit about seeing me.

OP posts:
OneMoreCookieMonster · 31/05/2023 21:18

Ap sorry you're going through this. Haply that you've seen him for what he is and can get away before you become more invested. He's definitely dome you a favour

SilverPeacock · 31/05/2023 21:28

You can do it OP. You’ll be better off. Good luck

IceCreamWoes · 31/05/2023 21:33

Delete his number and delete the messages from WhatsApp so you can't message him or read back through everything and drive yourself mad. Don't block as shows you care too much. Just ghost him. You'll feel a million times better quicker. I wish I'd done that when on your shoes.

TheSnowyOwl · 31/05/2023 21:36

I’m sorry. I would just block his number and not message again.

SilverPeacock · 31/05/2023 21:37

Distractions - connect with friends/family, get out and about as much as possible, listen to podcasts or find something to binge watch, make a playlist of all your good songs that will make you feel better

TheOGCCL · 31/05/2023 21:43

I'd say goodbye and block. It's manners and you're the better person and you're taking control.

Just keep remembering if he didn't care in the first few months then there's no way he could ever have sustained a meaningful long term relationship. Nothing would change this.

Satch76 · 31/05/2023 21:49

Nah. I would just never message him again and if he messages you again, just leave him unread. I wouldn't block.

Original poster
SingleMumHelpMePlease · 31/05/2023 21:49

Why am I so sad about this? The love bombing made me feel the best I've felt in years. But it's been a few MONTHS. I feel almost as bad as I did when my marriage ended, which lasted over a decade Sad

OP posts:
IdentifyWithNotAs · 31/05/2023 21:51

Say it’s been nice but it’s worn off now, seeya. You will get over it.

IceCreamWoes · 31/05/2023 22:01

I did the same thing recently, except it had been only a few weeks. Completely lovebombed than dropped and it hurt like hell. Sending good vibes. Whether you send a final text or not, definitely delete the number and WhatsApp history so you can't text. It'll make you feel worse to keep going back and looking at when he is online or seeing his picture. Looking for the dopamine hit. You will get over this, obviously he wasn't the right person, but you've built up an idea of him and you're mourning finding out that person isn't real.

IceCreamWoes · 31/05/2023 22:01

Then dropped*

Scheanasgreytooth · 31/05/2023 22:10

@SingleMumHelpMePlease I was trying to get over a manipulative player too. It hit me suddenly that he just gave no shits and once the scales had fallen that was that, as you said. I read something recently that it was very common with first relationships after separation/divorce, the endings can hit very hard. Something about unprocessed grief from the marriage combining with the more recent break up. Plus if you've been love-bombed it can feel really awful when that 'high' is no longer available. So like a double whammy almost. This could explain why you are finding it so tough.

Personally I gave myself a few weeks to hit the gym, read, looked at well-being articles and narcissist traits (to avoid a player next time!) also let myself just eat junk and wallow a bit, whatever I needed to do to allow it to be processed and settle, then told myself to snap out of it because he wasn't worth any more of my mental energy.

Original poster
SingleMumHelpMePlease · 31/05/2023 22:14

Thanks @Scheanasgreytooth. Urgh. This is horrible. Honestly I thought I would marry the guy.

OP posts:
tallwivglasses · 31/05/2023 22:22

I'm thankful I've never had to go through this (had my share of heartbreak though!) You've had some good advice here.

You deserve better than this, you know you do. As pp said - ghost and delete. And if he tries to come crawling back tell him to fuck the fuck off.

Chatillon · 31/05/2023 22:31

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bunsnroses1 · 31/05/2023 22:38

I wouldn’t bother with a goodbye message. Wait til he inevitably contacts you for a shag and tell him ‘sorry, I’ve met someone else’ - that will put a dent in his fuckboy ego 🤣

Indoorcatmum · 31/05/2023 23:01

I think you should do a breezy goodbye. Ghosting is for cowards and people not emotionally mature enough to communicate.

Be SUPER breezy and casual. Leave HIM wondering what he did wrong/the one who is rejected. It will also make you not want to message again, because you have drawn the line in the sand.

My tip, write down 5 things about him that are unattractive and 5 ways he has let you down.
Read it every day for two weeks, then burn it.

This is actually a really helpful technique even though it sounds daft.

SingingintheSand · 31/05/2023 23:02

I personally don’t think it’s necessary to do the whole dramatic blocking thing - unless you want to because you feel his disrespect deserves it. I don’t think he deserves an explanation either. You could just cook things, make excuses and wait for him to stop calling (light entertainment?). How do you want to end things OP? Have you any ideas?

A short relationship ending can be surprisingly traumatic IME. Especially when a previous one ended. It’s like your “high hopes” are doubled - you think you can be under an illusion that you are better at choosing and at the same time are more determined for things to work to prove you’re loveable and normal (that was my experience anyway. In my case I just wanted to be an “normal” woman in an “normal “”relationship. Well, that agenda was a big mistake. I just refused to look at the incompatibilities and made a couple of compromises (in the bedroom yuck) that I should never have made.

However, I bet you will be so, so much clearer after this OP. So try and look at the positives. Your spider senses will be so strong now I am sure. And, most of all, you have seen hopefully your own worth. You are probably wondering what is wrong with you, but really there is something wrong with him isn’t there? You just need to focus on yourself, that’s all you need to do. Look after yourself, treat yourself kindly as other posters have said. And you will start to heal. Take care.

samestyle · 31/05/2023 23:03

Looking after yourself is more important than putting too much effort into a man you barely know, that so far that has let you down with lame excuses, do what feels best for you, either ignore his pleas when he comes back or tell him straight it's not working for you. You've experienced this, it hurts but you know to avoid this kind of man in future.