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Original poster

What would you have done? DD's letter

42 replies

CurlewKate · 31/05/2023 10:39

Before I start-I know what the right thing to do is and I did it. But ooooh the temptation!

My dd graduated 5 years ago. She and her stuff came briefly home, then moved off again, leaving behind a big box of books. Yesterday, with her permission, I opened the box to put the books on a recently cleared bookshelf. Among the books were a lot of papers and other bits and pieces which I put in a pile on the desk in what is still her room. One of these things is a sealed envelope addressed to Mum and Dad and decorated with happy little drawings. Obviously, I put it in the pile amongst other stuff so it looks as if I haven't seen it and obviously I'm not going to open it. But ooooh the curiosity!

OP posts:

Wishimaywishimight · 31/05/2023 10:42

Honestly, I would have opened it. It was addressed to you after all!

WordtoYoMumma · 31/05/2023 10:42

I'd definitely have opened it!

IamThegreaterMole · 31/05/2023 10:43

I wouldn’t open it!

FrenchandSaunders · 31/05/2023 10:44

Ohhh, I'd send her a pic of it asking if I could open it as it's addressed to you.

Original poster

CurlewKate · 31/05/2023 10:44

@Wishimaywishimight But it was written by her more than 5 years ago. She's a different person now. And she didn't give it to us, so surely it's up to her.

OP posts:

UWhatNow · 31/05/2023 10:44

No - you can’t open it as it was never given. Just ask her - send a picture on WhatsApp and say “what was this? Dying to know…” She’ll probably have forgotten and want to know too.

Do update!

FrenchandSaunders · 31/05/2023 10:44

Hope it's something lovely and not written during a low period in her uni life though.

Hoffi · 31/05/2023 10:44

It's addressed to you! If it's got happy little drawings on it, it's unlikely to be a list of all the Reasons She Hates You and Wishes She'd Never Been Born.

UWhatNow · 31/05/2023 10:44

Hoffi · 31/05/2023 10:44

It's addressed to you! If it's got happy little drawings on it, it's unlikely to be a list of all the Reasons She Hates You and Wishes She'd Never Been Born.

😅

Whinge · 31/05/2023 10:45

Obviously, I put it in the pile amongst other stuff so it looks as if I haven't seen it and obviously I'm not going to open it

Why not? It's addressed to you, surely opening it would be the most obvious thing to do?

Rainallnight · 31/05/2023 10:46

You have a LOT more self control than I do!

recklessgran · 31/05/2023 10:48

No I wouldn't open it but I would mention it to DD saying something along the lines of Oooh by the way in that box there was an envelope obviously from you addressed to me and Dad - please do tell. I'm dying to know what it is - she'll probably tell you to open it OP then you won't have invaded her privacy and will know what it is about,

shiningstar2 · 31/05/2023 10:49

I would tell her you found it and ask if you may read it. As the letter is decorated with happy little drawings it seems as though it would be a very positive letter with things in it you would like to hear. However . it could have been written in a time of teen angst now over and she might hate for you to hear some of the things in it now she's older ..maybe things about her personal life ...or some less positive feelings she had about you and her dad at the time. Some thoughts from our teen years are best left there 😁
I think you should resist the temptation to read it without her permission ....after all it wasn't given or posted to you ...but ask if you can read it. Hopefully it is full of love and praise of you and her dad as parents ...but do ask permission to read it. 💐

UWhatNow · 31/05/2023 10:51

Whinge · 31/05/2023 10:45

Obviously, I put it in the pile amongst other stuff so it looks as if I haven't seen it and obviously I'm not going to open it

Why not? It's addressed to you, surely opening it would be the most obvious thing to do?

Not if you respect your child’s privacy - I can’t actually believe some would open it so readily.

sunshinesupermum · 31/05/2023 10:52

If it was me I'd ask DD about it and then ask if I could open it.

bibbityboppityboo · 31/05/2023 10:56

As a daughter I'd probably prefer to be asked!

It could be anything and like you said, it's years and years old.

My mum would send me a photo and ask if she could read, I'd probably say yes if I remembered what it was 😂

Just because it's addressed to you doesn't mean you can open it like PP said, that's like finding your Christmas presents early - you still wait to be given them even if your name is on the tag.

FreezyWater · 31/05/2023 11:01

It could be anything but you did the right thing. I would mention you found it but haven't read etc.

AnyBenny · 31/05/2023 11:10

CurlewKate · 31/05/2023 10:44

@Wishimaywishimight But it was written by her more than 5 years ago. She's a different person now. And she didn't give it to us, so surely it's up to her.

Absolutely it’s up to her - but give her a chance to make the choice by sending her a photo of it and updating us when you open it

TeaParty4Me · 31/05/2023 11:14

I can’t believe there are people saying they’d open it!

I just hope these people have no kids as they obviously don’t respect their privacy and I can imagine being very controlling.

These are probably the same people who have trackers on their partners phones and search through their partners and adult children’s phones.

Of course you did the right thing OP.
You sound like a decent person who respects their child’s privacy.

If your DD wants you to have it she’ll give it to you.

SD1978 · 31/05/2023 11:14

I wouldn't read it either- but would be bloody curious as to it's content. I don't believe as some people seem to, that it being addressed to you means you have the right to open it- it was written years ago and either by accident or on purpose was never given to you- she's a different person now, and I'd ask if I could read it, but I'd never assume the person she is now, would still want you to see it!!!

Original poster

CurlewKate · 31/05/2023 11:18

She's coming back for Father's Day- I'll make sure she sorts the stuff then. And hope she doesn't bin it! I won't mention it to her now- I want to give her a proper choice.

OP posts:

Rogue1001MNer · 31/05/2023 11:20

Ooo. You're a good mother.
Respect 🙏

ShimmeringShirts · 31/05/2023 11:27

Not just send her a pic of the unopened letter and ask her if she wants you to open it? She can say yes or no and you can respect that choice. But then again, my curiosity would eat me alive if I didn’t so much as mention it to my DD so you’re a stronger woman than me

AllGussiedUp · 31/05/2023 11:41

I can’t believe some people would have opened it. If it hasn’t been given to you, it’s really not yours to read.

pontipinemum · 31/05/2023 11:42

You have a lot more self control than me!! But in saying that I might not have opened it in case I don't like what is written in it.

I would message her now as others have said. If she says bin it, bin it. If it's not nice you don't need to read it, as you said she was different back then.

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