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Original poster

If you/ your DP went to boarding school, have you made the same choice for your own children?

56 replies

SpanielsByTheSea · 29/05/2023 16:43

We have many friends who went to boarding school (especially the men). DH attended an 'elite' all boy's boarding school, followed by his three brothers. It occurred to me earlier that none of our friends who themselves attended boarding school have made that choice for their own children, although most are in a financial position to do so. We haven't even really considered this as an option. To us, sending kids to live away felt very outdated, and a long way away from our values as parents. Ours' have attended a mixture of village primary school, prep and independent day schools.

Is this other people's experience, or do we just know an unusual cohort? If there is no longer a tradition of 'boarding school' families sending their children to boarding school, who on earth is? Maybe there's a whole new group of people making this choice (overseas families perhaps), or will these schools eventually become day schools, or fizzle out?

OP posts:
DinoPigeon · 29/05/2023 18:02

I was a weekly boarder, although looking back I think it was a decision to protect me from some of what was going on at home (DM had mental health issues following PND).

I wouldn't choose now to send DC boarding but if home life wasn't great in their teenage years, I might consider it.

MyYoniSaysNoni · 29/05/2023 18:09

I boarded from 7-18. Neither of mine board. Both are at state school (one primary, one secondary). We could afford private but i hate the entire culture and so dh and i decided to invest for when they are young adults instead of paying fees.

I boarded, my father boarded, his father boarded, etc. I have zero regrets about breaking the legacy

Thepleasureofyourcompany · 29/05/2023 18:12

DH full boarded and really enjoyed it and he's one of the most chilled and easy going people I've ever met. But I've heard so many horror stories that I wouldn't want to send my own kids. They are educated privately though.

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gogohmm · 29/05/2023 18:14

Dp boarded, his children did not! He could have afforded it from 13 if he had wanted (so it's not financial)

JWR · 29/05/2023 18:15

DD went to board at 16. She stayed at most 3 nights in a row and drove herself back and forth as soon as she passed her test. Rather different to me going to full board at 7 and not going home for 4-6 weeks at a time but still my father likes to chuckle about “and you said no child of yours…🙄”

gogohmm · 29/05/2023 18:16

My dd boarded from 16, her choice on a bursary. I'm state educated

mangokiwi · 29/05/2023 18:17

I went to boarding school age 8 and would send my kids to boarding school if it was the best option (ie if we needed to travel/move a lot for work etc) and they were happy with going. I had already been to 4 schools before I went to boarding school.
I probably wouldn't have sent them age 8 though, maybe from 11.

Fizbosshoes · 29/05/2023 18:20

One of DHs friends went to boarding school. All 3 of his children are weekly boarders.
One of my friends went to boarding school and wasn't particularly happy there. One of her own children used to board a few nights a week at a school a couple of miles away, and everyone seemed happy with the arrangement.

kerryno · 29/05/2023 18:21

The ones I know who went can't afford it for their dc!

parietal · 29/05/2023 18:26

I boarded from age 9 and DH from age 17. kids are currently happy in London day schools and there is no reason to board.

if at 15/16, they really wanted to board and if we could afford it and if we lived somewhere with limited school options nearby, then I'd consider it. But I wouldn't consider it better than day school options.

GoalShooter · 29/05/2023 18:30

I can think of one family member and two friends who went to boarding school (there may be others I haven't thought of). One sent her own children to boarding school, the other two did not.

RosieMilkJug · 29/05/2023 18:33

DB and I both boarded. DB is now a socialist and sends his son to state school (in France, where they live) and my son is a day boy in a boarding school. DS says the boarders are psychos and 80% of them vape.

DorritLittle · 29/05/2023 18:36

Clymene · 29/05/2023 17:29

I don't know anyone who boarded who has boarded their children. The ones who were sent at 7 are particularly against it.

Same here.

No chance of this ever for my kids - I think my daughter would thrive at one but she is very outgoing. My son would have absolutely hated it. The idea of sending anyone at 7 makes me sad.

ElizabethBest · 29/05/2023 18:40

I absolutely loved boarding school and would have been happy for DS to go if a. he wanted to and b. he seemed suited to it. In reality he has profound additional needs so we will likely look at residential schooling to best meet his needs once he finishes at his current specialist school.

Theredjellybean · 29/05/2023 18:42

i boarded at well known girls school from 11, both my dds boarded - flexibly from yr 5 ( so just nights they wanted to and could always change mind and come home) and full boarded for sixth form. We all loved it

newtb · 29/05/2023 18:45

My late dm thought of sending me to boarding school - Penrhos in N Wales where a friend had gone 2 years before. In the end she didn't. Not sure if it would've been good or bad. Would've missed an abusive relationship but also things like choir, music - organ and guides.
Dd was a weekly boarder after the first year of collège and then at lycée due to distance, but it's almost the norm in France.

70sTomboy · 29/05/2023 19:38

DH and I both went to state school. DH is barely literate. I got a couple of O levels. Neither of us are dim, just didn't get opportunities and were overlooked invisible to teachers in big state schools. We wanted our DC to do better, so we looked at Indies.

DS1 weekly boarded from 8(scholarship and bursaries), always said that he would have loved his DC to go to the prep, but it closed down. couldn't afford it, and his ex would veto anyway He wouldn't have wanted them to go to his senior school, though.
DS2 boarded from 13( scholarship and bursaries), he doesn't want DC, so it's not something that has come up.

mindutopia · 29/05/2023 20:17

Dh and I both went to boarding school (though I didn’t board). Mainly it’s because we could absolutely in no way fucking afford it. I mean we have a very comfortable household income that is certainly above average and a nice lifestyle, but not the sort where we wouldn’t miss £50k+ a year.

But mostly because I do want my children living with me. I’d consider if for 6th form if we could afford it though and they wanted to go.

I think it’s now a mix of traditional aristo families as always, the new British rich, and rich Asian/African/Gulf families.

847arc · 29/05/2023 20:27

Dh went to boarding school. We’re not in a financial position to do the same with our kids, but even if we were there’s no way we would.

pastypirate · 29/05/2023 20:43

I went to boarding school - independent hippy school. I loved it but I want my dds right here with me.

Ozgirl75 · 29/05/2023 20:50

My DH went to boarding school but only for A levels and it was an army college so government funded. He absolutely loved it, he embraced learning, and all the activities they had , he’d read philosophy and economics for fun (his family is NOT like this at all!)
Anyway, he’s open to our boys going to board but only if they wanted to and only when they’re older. Our boys go to a school which is day and boarding but hardly anyone boards. Really only overseas students and also it’s a school that offers a lot of funding for children from tricky backgrounds and they often board too.
I would consider them boarding when they’re older but neither want to at the moment. I’d only want weekly boarding even if they did as I love their company!

eurochick · 29/05/2023 21:55

My husband boarded from a fairly young age (9/10). I went to a state grammar.

He is very against boarding for our daughter. I would possibly be open to weekly boarding for an older teen, but only if she requested it, not at our instigation.

FunnyCradock · 29/05/2023 22:22

DH was sent to boarding school at 7. He has very little recollection of his childhood so can’t say if he enjoyed it or not. He does have a memory of seeing his parents drive away. He remembers being physically chastised at school, this was in the 80s. Therapy (focused on childhood trauma & his insecure avoidant attachment style) has helped him to gain some understanding of himself & some inner peace. Boarding is absolutely not a choice we have made as parents.

arlequin · 29/05/2023 22:27

DH went. No way our little ones will be going! Gunning for state grammar if possible, private day possibly at secondary but can't really afford that.

Hoppinggreen · 29/05/2023 22:29

I was a day pupil at a Boarding school.
Of the people I have kept in touch with both day and boarding nobody has sent their child to boarding school.