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Original poster

Big big problem. Mother of the bride and someone else has same outfit.

59 replies

Cookiemonstersnana · 27/05/2023 22:11

DD gets married for the second time next weekend it a very casual affair.
I purchased a lovely dress from Roman. DD didn't want anyone to spend a lot of money on outfits.
Today went to see my younger brother and his girlfriend was showing me her outfit.
It's exactly the same as mine but in a different colour.
Mine is black and ivory.
Hers black and lemon.
What should I do. I suppose it's my fault in just getting a dress from a popular store and not specifically for a wedding.
Should I still wear the black and ivory.
Fortunately I do have a lovely dress not been worn yet.

OP posts:
Atishoos · 28/05/2023 11:58

Proves you both have good taste. Wear the dress and add an ivory box shaped/cropped blazer. No one will notice or care, too busy looking at themselves I reckon.

Sandra1984 · 28/05/2023 12:03

Maybe wear a big ivory shawl or pashmina with it and make it look different, I don’t think it’s a big deal honestly, if I were the other lady I would take a picture with you with the same dress and laugh about it.

berksandbeyond · 28/05/2023 12:20

Atishoos · 28/05/2023 11:58

Proves you both have good taste. Wear the dress and add an ivory box shaped/cropped blazer. No one will notice or care, too busy looking at themselves I reckon.

Or the same not so good taste…

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HowcanIhelp123 · 28/05/2023 12:31

I'd wear it. You know she has the same dress in a different colour. Other guests might turn up in the same. Same could happen with your other dress! Just wear the dress you feel best in and laugh any matching off as good taste. I'd tell your brothers gf though. She'll think it's odd you didn't mention.

coronabeer · 28/05/2023 12:43

Maybe it’s just me, but I’d find it embarrassing to be wearing the same outfit as someone else at a wedding. I know sometimes it happens and can’t be helped, but I’d be frustrated to find out they knew in advance they had the same dress as me and didn’t think to mention it.

I’m also thinking I must be unusual in that it seems obvious to me that the two dresses are the exact same style, just different colour ways. I imagine most fellow guests would notice, too, unless it’s a big wedding with loads of guests.

DappledThings · 28/05/2023 12:54

It really doesn't matter. It's not the same anyway as it's a different colour. This is at the worst a small problem, definitely not the "big, big problem" of the thread title.

riotlady · 28/05/2023 13:05

I wouldn’t worry, at most you’ll be in a handful of pictures together- bride’s uncle’s girlfriend presumably isn’t playing a huge role in the wedding

Blossomtoes · 28/05/2023 13:11

Just wear something else.

OutwiththeOutCrowd · 28/05/2023 13:18

I think you should just style it out like Jamie Lee Curtis and Sigourney Weaver.
It's only a fashion faux pas if you're wearing the same dress as the bride.

Big big problem. Mother of the bride and someone else has same outfit.
Crikeyalmightey · 28/05/2023 13:54

Many years ago, I waited on at weddings at a hotel. The owners wife wanted us to look smarter than just black and white blouses. Took us to M&S, bought us peach/pink dresses. The very next Saturday's wedding. Grooms mother had on the same dress. V v awkward. 😲

UsingChangeofName · 28/05/2023 15:00

Crikeyalmightey · 28/05/2023 13:54

Many years ago, I waited on at weddings at a hotel. The owners wife wanted us to look smarter than just black and white blouses. Took us to M&S, bought us peach/pink dresses. The very next Saturday's wedding. Grooms mother had on the same dress. V v awkward. 😲

Grin
Toddlerteaplease · 28/05/2023 15:34

Wouldn't bother me in the slightest!

Topseyt123 · 28/05/2023 15:44

I can't see why people get so het up over this. I wouldn't give it a second thought.

Just wear the dress, and enjoy wearing it. 😃

HappyMe6 · 28/05/2023 16:42

It wouldn’t worry me in the slightest you aren’t going to look that much alike are you, different colour dress different accessories. Hardly going to look like twins, I would have laughed and said at the time oh look we are similar in our choices

knobheeeeed · 28/05/2023 16:48

Did you say you had the exact same dress but in a different colour when she showed you it or did you just say nothing?
You really should have said, oh no, I've bought the same one but in a different colour, what should we do? Maybe she might have said she had something else or not - but at least you could have had a conversation about it.

If it is that dress that someone else posted I do think they look different enough to not be blatantly obvious. You'll probably style it differently too

aloris · 28/05/2023 18:16

I think it would be fine to say something to your brother's girlfriend. Something like, "This is really awkward but you actually picked the same dress as me, just in a different color. Is there any chance you could wear something else?"

You're the mother of the bride, I think you take precedence here. If your brother's girlfriend declines to change her choice or gets offended, there probably isn't a way to politely push the issue but if she's fairly polite, it's more likely she'll say, "Oh my goodness, thanks for letting me know, I'll pick something else."

The other alternative is to buy or wear something else. The dress you got is nice but how often do we have the opportunity to be the mother of the bride? Maybe splurge a bit and get something that feels extra special to you that's still in keeping with the style your daughter is going for.

You could also ask your daughter what she thinks you should do. She might call your brother and ask if he can talk to his girlfriend, or she can help you pick out another style you like.

I think it's also fine if you and the girlfriend both wear what you were planning as they are different colors, but if you're going to feel uncomfortable or awkward on the day then it's worth taking some steps to make a change to ensure you really enjoy your daughter's wedding.

HermioneWeasley · 28/05/2023 18:55

I once turned up to a wedding in a dress the exact same shade of blue as the bridesmaids. I was mortified.

DanceMonster · 28/05/2023 18:59

CC4712 · 28/05/2023 00:02

Would you really wear black and ivory to your daughters wedding- even a 2nd wedding??? What colour is she wearing?

Could you add a bolero, belt, bright shoes/handbag or something else to divert that fact its the same shaped dress as brothers partner?

What’s wrong with black and ivory at a wedding? First or second?

FlySwimmer · 28/05/2023 19:13

HermioneWeasley · 28/05/2023 18:55

I once turned up to a wedding in a dress the exact same shade of blue as the bridesmaids. I was mortified.

At my wedding, my MIL, SIL, and about four friends all wore the same shade of blue as the bridesmaids! It was evidently the ‘in’ colour that summer! No one minded, and no one was confused as to who the bridesmaids were. I only fully noticed it in the photos afterwards.

HermioneWeasley · 28/05/2023 19:15

@FlySwimmer - they were lovely about it. I kept apologising all day. They made me join a Bridesmaid photo! I remain mortified to this day.

junebirthdaygirl · 28/05/2023 19:21

My friend was mother of the groom. As soon as a guest arrived in the church she realised she had same outfit as the mother. She left immediately and went home and changed.
Don't wear the same outfit. You need something a bit special. Wear the other dress or buy something else.

Whataretheyfeedingyou · 28/05/2023 19:26

You say at the end of your post you have another lovely dress hou could wear anyway. So just wear that one. Now, what is the big, big problem?

Marmite27 · 28/05/2023 19:28

HermioneWeasley · 28/05/2023 18:55

I once turned up to a wedding in a dress the exact same shade of blue as the bridesmaids. I was mortified.

I turned up in the same dress in the same shade as the bridesmaids. That’s the risk you run in buying off the rack.

I was friends with the groom, and had asked him the colour scheme and he said red. It was not red.

Luckily the bride saw the funny side. At one point all her actual bridesmaids had disappeared and she needed some help so I was pressed into service as the bonus bridesmaid Grin

OhcantthInkofaname · 28/05/2023 19:41

Both are gorgeous and look different because of the background coloring. Don't worry.

HermioneWeasley · 28/05/2023 19:52

@Marmite27 - you win, at least my dress was a different style!