Pregnant again! Close age gap advice!

[SaulGoodman1]

Hello,

Thanks for reading.

just found out I’m pregnant with baby number 2. Currently have a 14 month old.

baby number 1 was planned and we were going to ttc number 2 within the next 6months anyway so not at all unhappy about it. Just didn’t expect it to happen so quick!

However since finding out and the nausea kicking in, I’m starting to panic.

How will I cope with 2 under 2 practically and emotionally?

life has gotten easier and easier as the months go on with dc. That’s the reason we wanted 2 close together as didn’t want to get our freedoms back to only start all over again. We also wanted them to grow up at similar stages.

however now I am worrying about the practicality. I have a supportive family and on hand grandparents. Me and DP are 50/50.

However I keep panicking and thinking wtf have we done? Especially when I think about things I do now with baby that I’ll struggle to then do, like just nipping to the park just me and dc, or just popping to the shop with baby for milk or whatever. My baby is so east going I even take them to get my nails and eyebrows done. The next baby may not be so laid back.

Also naps! How on earth do people manage a double nap schedule? You’d never leave the house!

Also I know I won’t have as much help in terms of babysitting with 2 as I do with 1 so my ‘me’ time will be sparse and out the window for a few years.

I know we’re very very lucky but after the newborn stage, life has reverted back to how it was prior to dc in a lot of ways. We take it in turns to go out socially and have grandparents whenever we go out together. However I doubt me and DP would leave the other parent with 2 babies to manage solo whilst the other goes out/away as would likely be too much. We also wouldn’t put that on grandparents.

My house will be twice as cluttered as it already is.

This is what we wanted but now it’s happening I’m panicking! DO is very excited and doesn’t understand why I’m so worried.

Anyone with a close age gap care to advise on how you managed?

I felt exactly the same!!
DD1 was 8 months old when we conceived DD2. I was filled with genuine terror and physically couldn't comprehend how people cope with 2.
Honestly though, it has been the best thing we've done for our family!

The first 6 weeks are hard, I won't lie, but I found getting into a routine asap was so helpful.
I made sure to put DD2 for a nap when DD1 had hers so that they were synchronised.

I'd also recommend getting a baby carrier/sling. I constantly had DD2 in the carrier so that she'd have that contact with me and would be comforted and I had both hands free for my toddler and chores.
They're now 4 and 5 and they're best friends, mortal enemies and everything in between 😂

Congratulations! You'll do great xx

You will absolutely fine.
When dc3 was 12 weeks I found out I was pregnant with dc4 I also had an 8 and 3 year old.
I just accepted for a few years my life would be just kids. Toddler groups and getting out of the house were the best thing for me.
If anyone offers help say yes please.
My mum would every so often take a pile of ironing and I had a cleaner.
Fortunately the first 3 dc were all fab sleepers especially dc3 who slept 7-7 with a dream feed from 6 weeks (probably why I got pregnant again so quickly )

@IHateLegDay thank you so so much for your reply! That’s so reassuring!

I literally looked like an actual troll up until the past 3/4 months.
since March I’ve been back to getting my nails and hair done, buying clothes and seeing friends. literally felt like ‘me’. Also gotten confident in my parenting and going out and about with dd and knowing her routine inside out. Work was going well. I was both mum and back to me. Everything kind of settled if you get me?

Now I’m pregnant again, feeling nauseous and knackered and thinking ‘am I an idiot? am I ruining a good thing?’ I’m already struggling being pregnant and looking after dc, so how am I going to manage with 2?!

Your post has given me hope! Thank you xx

I've got a 7month old and a 19 month old regarding naps I put them both down at the same time. The 7 month old has an extra nap at 3.30.

We have a 15 month age gap

In all honesty I found it easy having a newborn and a toddler, you forget how easy newborns are compared to toddlers.

Youngest is 19m now and eldest nearly 3 and it's just cranked up a gear or 10.

@troppibambini6 oh my gosh! You must have you hands full! Must be so full of love in your house!

were you nervous when you found out?

@trampoline123 @Lilbunnyfufu

thanks for your replies!

I will definitely use the sling? How long did it take to get your babies into the same sleep schedule? It took me a full year to get so into the one they have now. I’m hoping now I have a bit more parenting experience it’ll be easier as I’ll know what I’m doing more.

Your 14 month old isn't going to be 14 months old when the next one arrives though.

They are going to be 2ish, naps aren't quite as important and they will be well on the way to talking, possibly even potty training/trained.

It's not really that small an age gap!

Everyone has the 'what the fuck have we done' moment with the second when you realise you are going do destroy DC1s life as they know it (spoiler... you don't!)

They won't be on the same sleep schedule.

They most likely won't nap at the same time.

Your two year old will be loud and bouncy and not tolerant of anyone trying to shush them around a sleeping baby and dc2 will hopefully just learn to exist/nap around their older sibling. If they don't... Well it's really shit for a bit but you will survive it.

@SaulGoodman1 I'm not going to lie I cried when I found out. I was nervous I wouldn't be able to give them individual attention they needed and I felt like dc3 hadn't had anytime just being the baby.
Everything really did work out fine though. They are 18, 12, 9 and 8 now and the last two really are best friends. It's been easy in some ways as they went through the stages of liking certain things at the same time..... dinosaur phase, paw patrol etc.....
Although potty training felt like it took forever!

Congratulations!

Mine did nap at the same time. By the time the baby came the 1 year old was in a decent sleep schedule and I just followed it with the baby the best I could. They used both nap 12-2 everyday which I would use to either spend time with the four year old or if she was at nursery either sleep or catch up on jobs.

It's weird with the second because in the nicest way, they sort of get dragged up compared to how you raise your first in the early days 😅
You find that actually your toddler is the hardest and the baby learns so wait for you while your busy trying to stop your toddler from swan diving off high furniture. 😂

You'll get into a routine before you know it. Getting out and about with other mums with same age kids was a life saver!

Mine are 21 months apart (planned) and it's been fab. They are now 16 and 14 and only one school year apart. This has made logistics throughout school v easy as only 1 year of two different schools since the age of 3!

Holidays, holiday clubs etc have been appropriate for both at the same time and they really are good friends and know all the same people.

Yes, the early years were a bit full on but paid off in spades. Also there was no having to 'go back' to baby or toddler stage as they all rolled in to one.

My saviour (without family around) was my gym which had a free crèche. I'd drive up there, put them in for an hour, go for a sauna, jacuzzi, shower and coffee and then go and pick them up again. Never saw a gym class 😂😂

Oh and I had a double buggy which was also a saviour!

19 months between my DD and DS(they also have a brother 3 years older than DD) so we had 3 under 5. Honestly it was absolutely fine. The fact that your baby is so laid back is good, my DD was the same and when DS arrived she was just so happy and excited. He was not laid back and was v demanding baby but we got through it. He spent alot of time in the sling.

They're now 6 and 7 and the absolute best of friends. They're only one year apart in school and have alot of the same friends. They play the same games, watch the same tv shows, read the same books and overall just adore each other. One would be lost without the other. I have zero regrets about the small gap and would 100% do it the same if I had my time over.

I have a gap under 2 years - they are young adults now.
Logistically it was hard at first esp w double buggy, but I got the slimmest side-by-side - nowadays doubles are much better designed though. I tried to coordinate their naps, we def left the house.
Was a relief when we got down to one in nappies though.
As they grew up they had similar interests at the same time which was easy & now they are very close.

I think a 2 year gap is pretty normal.
you’ll be fine.

Both my dc were planned and we have a 22 month gap between them. Started ttc dc2 when dc1 was 12 months. If anything I wish I'd had them even closer together. There's 18 months between myself and my sister so I thought small gaps were normal. It will be fine, and all the nappies and sleepless nights are done in one go. I love having my dc close in age, they're into similar things and enjoy the same types of days out. Yes they bicker, but they're best friends too, and always a have a play mate for the school holidays.

I had 2 under 2 with my eldest kids. Honestly it was the best few years of my life, and I cherish it!! You're massively overthinking it. Yeah it's busy and it can be difficult to keep your house tidy bla bla bla but they're into little for such a short amount of time. You can definitely do this, and love it 😁

*only 🙄

These posts are making me feel better and better! I can feel the excitement kicking in again.

Theres 5-7 years between me and my 3 other siblings. None of us are close. I think that’s the only reason why tbh. I was 10 when my brother was 17 and the other 3 etc. so we all got on well and didn’t bicker or anything, but we’re at completely different life stages so nothing in common so not the same experiences growing up together. Me DP had 4 siblings and all 5 are only 1-2 years apart. So 3,4,6,8,10. They are all closer as their friendship groups all mixed together. Even though some have little in common with the other, they all are at similar life stages with kids and families so end up mixing regardless which is lovely.

we only want 2 dc anyway. Hopefully they’ll be close but even though they aren't and bicker, they’ll at least have similar abilities/stages for days out, holidays and activities at the very least.

I feel a lot better for posting, thanks xx

If they aren’t*

As others have said, a double buggy is essential.
I had the Mountain Buggy Duet Luxury. It's the slimmest on the market and so light and easy to steer. The luxury comes with anti-puncture wheels whereas the basic version has wheels that puncture quite easily.

Mine are 23 months apart (planned).
Used the double buggy exactly once. 😂
It was intense but for the most part it was absolutely fine, DH reduced his hours in the first year or so, but I did feel a sad sort of separation from the oldest child (DS) when I had to focus on the baby (DD). We often ended up with DH taking DS out and doing stuff and me staying behind with DD who was premature and struggled to eat. I missed DS a lot and I think it slightly affected my bonding with DD. Also, cooking went out the window for a while, we went through all the Tesco etc ready meals...
Another thing DH and I did to save our sanity was to do alternate nights, ie one person spent every other night with the baby (bottle fed) and every other night with the toddler who was sleep training then. My "toddler nights" were a godsend!
I think a lot of it is just accepting that it will be intense at times. After DD came out of terrible twos it's been really, really lovely. DS loved his little sister from the first second and was surprisingly mature about the massive change.
They are now tweenies and besties (except for when they're not).

My kids have 11 months age gap and I think it’s hell. I still do now and they’re 13 months old and 24 months old. Absolutely hell. You may not think so but that’s my experience. Good luck!