Are you also the only person in your family who understands that food is a regular, daily occurance?

[WhereMyRosemaryGoes]

I do 100% of the food thinking and food shopping, and 90% of the cooking (10% is me giving explicit instructions about how to cook a particular meal while I'm out doing football runs and Scouts pick-ups).

Everyone in the family is very busy Monday - Friday and I am the only one who also works a full day on Saturday (not for fun, obvs - I have a second job so we can scrape by). I should not have to cook on Saturdays. I should not have to think about food on Saturdays. I have explicitly told my family this. I have explained in words of very few syllables that between the 4 of them (aged from 10 - 50) they should make there be food one evening a week. And what's more they should do it with enthusiasm and thought and grace.

Every single week this comes as a big surprise to them. So, I either have to keep reminding them (which is NOT THE SAME as not thinking about food on Saturday) and then they ask me what they should do, and it's impossible to say "I'm not telling you" without coming off as an arse.

And I don't think it's fair if Saturday is takeaway night - why should I cook 6 nights out of 7 only for them to order a curry on their one night (SHARED BETWEEN 4 OF THEM)?

I am steadfastly resolute. I will not break. They will bloody well make there be food one night a week even if it kills me and breaks up this family.

I do wish they would just cheerfully do it though. Like I do. Every single other night. Once again DH is stood in the kitchen looking hard done by and asking if I'm going to be hungry or if they should just do something for the four of them.

Just saw you did Gousto previously, do you still have the recipe cards?

I get the meals being samey, I'm having a break after 3 months but buying the ingredients myself.

I have meals written on coloured lollipop sticks. Meal planning involves pulling sticks out at random. Takes the effort out of thinking what to have - the universe decides!

I do think people make a rod for their own backs with things like this, also cleaning etc.

Absolutely.

I also think if you choose to take over a household task for six days a week, you can't really complain that nobody else thinks about it.

I have issues with my back so one of DH's "jobs" is the garden - including mowing the lawn, weeding and doing all the bins and recycling. Because that's his domain, it's not something I ever think about and if I had to do it because he was away (for example) I'd be a bit lost and would almost definitely need to ask him for help!

My best mate would say the problem here is twofold. One-your competence. Two-deliberate incompetence on his part.

I'm using her as an example because she has a massive job and has been through this about most household tasks with her DH, and we've talked about it a lot!

She would let him flounder. Let him take 2 hours to cook something shit. And let everyone complain. Rinse and repeat till it gets better. This relies on you not taking over ever, at any point.

DH could order a click and collect on his way home on Friday for the ingredients. Go to the shop on Saturday morning, or get an online shop. If this was work problem, you can bet your bottom dollar he'd solve it. So let him.

And I'd be making Friday the takeaway night!

DH provides the adult supervision
17 year old chooses what will be cooked and ensures that the ingredients are in (by getting them or adding to weekly shopping list?)
15 year old does the actual cooking
11 year old tidies as goes along and sorts dishes so it's easy to wash, wipes worktop etc
DH and 17 year old do the washing up

Could something like that work?

Or, just choose them a meal that's the sa.r each week and tell them on Saturday you cook that. Eg pasta bake, garlic bread and salad. everyone knows what's happening and with practice it'll be easy for them

But the ingredients for a meal you love and send them the recipe. If they ask you what to do reply "I don't know I haven't made it, follow the recipe". If this fails then move out.

only for them to order a curry on their one night (SHARED BETWEEN 4 OF THEM)?
So on their one night that you don't cook for you, your husband gets a takeaway for all the family except you?
If that's the case he's being really spiteful, punishing you for daring to not cook for him one day a week.
They're choosing to be helpless when it comes to feeding themselves. Everyone can cook food, you just need to get a recipe and follow it. If you weren't there they'd have to learn.
They need to be given more responsibility for looking after themselves, not just one day a week.

Yes we did that too. Stops the "what's for dinner" that infuriated me. I took it 1 step further and did each menu on repeat for 4 weeks. It would helped OP if your DH or kids did 1 meal for the period, then they would do it 4 times on a set day. Up to them whether they batch cooked and freeze etc. And if its the same night it has a better chancr of becoming a habit. And on those nights if someone forgets they can all starve, it's not your problem, they can all see whose turn it was supposed to be.

When mine started having to cook one night a week each, (they were aged 9 - 14 when we started), it helped that they were always trying to get one over on their siblings. So after the shop, I'd put on the fridge "Mince by 26th , kievs by 23rd, jacket pots , chicken by 25th" etc, and they could choose what day they cooked and what 'main' they were using. I'd usually help the 9 yr old get in first with the meal they could do (something that had to just go in the oven rather than be made particularly), and the others had to choose, so were always keen to "sign up" to their choice and get 'better than' their siblings. I needed to guide them at first, but they had to incorporate the fact that they might be out at an activity one night, etc, and the fact that obviously if they wanted to do the chicken, for example, it had to be by the 'use by' date. We also understood that, in the first few weeks and months, they were learning, and you will get some meals that weren't great. You also have to accept that their 'preferences' might be different from yours - and that includes your dh.
It's like everything - you have to go through the learning time, to reach the end goal
It is the same for listening to those first few painful noises when they learn an instrument, or even the first week of toilet training. Learning to cook meals is a skill you build over time, it's not instant.

Haven't RTFT because I'm too grumpy on your behalf.

It should really be one meal each per week at this stage. Even the 10 year old can do a simple meal for everyone. Or the two youngest can partner up.

But fundamentally everyone in the household can, and should, share equally in meal prep.

Either that or DH takes over all thinking/planning/prep for however long you would like. And I'm talking months, at least! Half a year each seems fair. Gives each of you a break.

Your children (especially the teenagers) should still cook once a week. They need that skillset, and they need to understand that they should contribute fairly, as appropriate, to household duties.

(I did read your comments @WhereMyRosemaryGoes so I could have the full picture)

We tried Gousto a few years ago, it was good but I thought a bit expensive. What do you all think of the prices compared to DIY?

Yes I understand that food is a regular daily occurrence.

But I don't "cook". I apply heat to food, or eat cold stuff.

The utmost I will do is make a 'universal quorn/soya and veg sauce' that can go on either rice or pasta or cous cous. Just put in more tomato paste if it is going on pasta. I will boil pasta or rice or cous cous.
I try to avoid having to peel or chop things.
I will put a baked potato or pizza in the oven, or boil some frozen peas, or put various types of 'veggie grill/sausage/bake' (supermarket bought) into the oven or grill.
That is about it really.
The rest is toast/baked goods, cereal, soup, sandwiches, salad, quiche, cheese and crackers, frozen ready meals, tinned beans, etc.

I'm still alive, and in good health.

DH eats meat and fish, so often cooks his own meals.

For balance, I do all laundry, he take bins out and does DIY-type things, we share cleaning (but I do most of it).

So if you want to stop cooking, it is perfectly possible to do so without spending a fortune. You just have to not care much about what you eat.

We had some 'Hello Fresh' boxes as they were free when we went through a Comparison site (one of the 'Reward' options).
They were all nice, but what I couldn't justify (to order them again) was the packaging, and delivery impact on the environment.
I can kind of see they might be useful if you were staying in an Air B'n'B and didn't have your spices and your 'pantry items' to begin with, but I am surprised anyone uses them regularly, both for cost and environmental reasons.

I hear you! My Dh does share the cooking, to be fair to him, but it's an endless surprise to him that things run out and have to be replaced. We regularly have exchanges along the lines of 'Could you pick up a loaf of bread on your way home please?' 'We've got bread - I bought some on Monday.' 'Well, yes, but it's now Friday, we've all had sandwiches every lunchtime and you have two slices of bread with every meal, so....' 🤔

They should absolutely cook for you on Saturdays but also, just give them things like beans on toast during the week if you fancy a night off from cooking. And if they moan they can cook themselves something else.

We menu plan as a family then order the ingredients online.
Teens cook once a week
DH usually cooks twice a week
Once a week is often leftovers/DIY/freezer food depending on schedules.
I usually batch cook something once a week so there is usually a homemade freezer meal to reach for if required.
All this means that I don't personally cook more than 2/3 times a week.

Used your code for freebie @Coochiecookie,hope thats ok 😀

YES I WILL BE HUNGRY!!!

the ass.

but be an ass. Be an ass for weeks. Make them meal plan AND shop, it will be worth it in the end. These are life skills for your kids and shit your mother in law should’ve taught your husband.

Also, your husband should have two nights a week. And remind them you work a second job to MAKE ENDS MEET, NOT TO ORDER CURRY.

Id take it a step further. After some weeks of cooking try cooking with a low budget! Get some cheap meals into the mix!

you aren’t being an ass. Stand firm momma!!

Oh god I can relate to this - I have accidentally become the keeper of all things food and it drives me insane! To the point where oh will say something like ‘we need more milk’ and will look confused when I say ‘well can you pick some up on your way home from work / hobby’ because apparently It’s All My Responsibility.

it’s actually getting to the point now where I’m starting to actively dislike him over it. DC is 10 do has some excuse but is learning to cook.

Sounds like an uphill battle, OP.

But I don't think "You will CHEERFULLY do this thing you dont want to do!" ever worked on anyone.