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Original poster

He broke something of mine while doing me a favour - who pays?

46 replies

Justcheckingthis · 26/05/2023 21:33

My boyfriend came round earlier, I had just finished mowing one garden but had hurt myself, he insisted on doing the other one.

I said there was a bunch of shit in the garden, he said he would tidy it all away. I told him I would do it tomorrow, but then I had an online appointment and he started anyway.

My mower is now broken as he hit a massive stone.

He never apologised, and he has given me advice on where to buy a new one.

I feel a bit weird about it though, if I were him I would have offered to buy a new one.

I can't decide if I'm weird, or if he should be offering to pay for one.

OP posts:
nachotemple · 26/05/2023 21:34

50 / 50 I would say would be fair. Surprised he didn't apologise TBH!

DustyLee123 · 26/05/2023 21:36

It’s your lawn, you knew he was doing it, you replace it.

Batalax · 26/05/2023 21:37

I’d be quite furious. You didn’t want him to do it and he did it anyway and then broke the mower.

He should really pay but how will he take it? How is the relationship in general?

At the very least you should be saying that you told him not to, so in future he should actually listen to you.

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Relationship problems
AlanJohnsonsBeemer · 26/05/2023 21:39

Is it properly broken? Mine cuts out when it doesn’t like something, but works again afterwards

Original poster
Justcheckingthis · 26/05/2023 21:40

I didn't know he was doing it.

I said I would, then I had to disappear for 30 mins for an online appointment. I came back and he had started and broken my mower.

It was bloody expensive too

I was annoyed he just kind of laughed it off, he really doesn't understand these things are a struggle for me as I'm a single parent counting every penny.

OP posts:
Batalax · 26/05/2023 21:40

Although you should oerhaos soften it by saying that you know he was trying to be helpful. I guess you’ll end up paying but don’t just let him get away with it by not saying the above in my last post.

Floribundaflummery · 26/05/2023 21:41

We always have a family policy of if you use something and it breaks you try your best to replace it or mend it. He didn’t listen to you and although well intentioned thought he knew best. It would be nice if he at least took it to be mended and paid for repair or mended it himself. Or a contribution if he is short of funds. Be ultra clear about future times by having a conversation about this so will avoid conflict if happens again.

HeddaGarbled · 26/05/2023 21:42

Never mind the mower, how come you have two gardens, why was one of them full of “shit”/big stones and how did you hurt yourself?

Original poster
Justcheckingthis · 26/05/2023 21:44

He does have a tendency to think I need rescuing when I do things.

He often hovers over me when I'm laying flooring or decorating or trying to fix something and offering 'helpful' advice.

It's properly broken, the blade is totally fucked and the grass collector bit snapped too.

It's only a year old, and was pretty expensive, I wanted a decent one that would last 😭

OP posts:
Thesunwillcomeoutverysoon · 26/05/2023 21:45

He broke it he pays...
Why would you pay to replace a tool broken by someone else?

cushioncovers · 26/05/2023 21:47

I'd be concerned that he cut the lawn when you asked him not to, then laughed and didn't take it seriously when he broke it. That shows a lack of respect and boundaries

Original poster
Justcheckingthis · 26/05/2023 21:48

HeddaGarbled · 26/05/2023 21:42

Never mind the mower, how come you have two gardens, why was one of them full of “shit”/big stones and how did you hurt yourself?

Front and back garden.

I have a disability which makes physical tasks hard, I forgot to take some meds before I did the front and so hurt myself.

The other garden just had the kids bikes/skateboards, the bbq etc on the grass, which he moved. Fuck knows where the stone appeared from, it was massive.

OP posts:
Badbudgeter · 26/05/2023 21:48

HeddaGarbled · 26/05/2023 21:42

Never mind the mower, how come you have two gardens, why was one of them full of “shit”/big stones and how did you hurt yourself?

To be fair I have multiple bits of garden, some of which have stones and sticks hiding in the long grass. Trees, dry stone walls, and a dog who likes to carry rocks home. You just rake it before you mow. I’d be pissed off too op.

Pixiedust1234 · 26/05/2023 21:48

You told him not to.

You told him why.

He refused to listen and he broke it.
He should apologise AND pay for a new one.

Is he dismissive of you on a regular basis? He won't change, and you will gradually lose your self esteem.

Original poster
Justcheckingthis · 26/05/2023 21:49

cushioncovers · 26/05/2023 21:47

I'd be concerned that he cut the lawn when you asked him not to, then laughed and didn't take it seriously when he broke it. That shows a lack of respect and boundaries

In fairness this is a bit of an issue between us anyway.

He thinks he knows better than I do quite often.

OP posts:
Pixiedust1234 · 26/05/2023 21:50

Justcheckingthis · 26/05/2023 21:49

In fairness this is a bit of an issue between us anyway.

He thinks he knows better than I do quite often.

Show quote history

Oh dear....

Batalax · 26/05/2023 21:53

Justcheckingthis · 26/05/2023 21:49

In fairness this is a bit of an issue between us anyway.

He thinks he knows better than I do quite often.

Show quote history

Then you should seriously reflect on this. He should be really apologetic because you were right to tell him to leave it,

CadburyDream · 26/05/2023 21:53

HeddaGarbled · 26/05/2023 21:42

Never mind the mower, how come you have two gardens, why was one of them full of “shit”/big stones and how did you hurt yourself?

Front and back 😕

UndercoverCop · 26/05/2023 21:54

You have an issue if he thinks he can override your wishes. He needs to be told to piss off.

The mower might be salvageable. We have a petrol mower an old one, it was pretty much on fire last summer, took it to a local mower repair guy £40 and it was back up and running and serviced. It's worth checking to see if you have anyone in your area before you write it off.

runningonberocca · 26/05/2023 21:54

i think you’re being a bit harsh. You had started mowing the garden - but hurt yourself. He did a nice thing by mowing your second garden as you were injured.
While injured you told him there was a “ bunch of shit” in the garden but that you would tidy it away tomorrow. Again he tried to help by doing it for you.
The mower doesn’t sound very robust if it has broken by going over a stone. If the bunch of shit you refer to means you had chucked a load of rocks into one garden - then it’s sort of your fault the mower is broken. And if it was just a stone hidden in long grass then the mower would still have broken even if it was you pushing it..

TellHimDirectlyInDetail · 26/05/2023 21:57

he really doesn't understand these things are a struggle for me as I'm a single parent counting every penny

Tell him directly in detail. Break it down for him like he's an idiot

Original poster
Justcheckingthis · 26/05/2023 22:02

It wouldn't be broken if I was doing it, I would have raked over that particular bit first, it was an absolutely massive stone, probably the size of a brick.

I know he was trying to do a nice thing, I guess it's just the latest in a few incidents of not listening and him thinking he knows better, but actually making life a little harder for me.

I know I have some reflecting to do in general tbh but I'm just not sure what to do about the mower. I really can't afford a new one, I'll have a proper look tomorrow at the blade and see if I can't fuck about with it, there's no chance for the grass collector bit unfortunately, and raking/bagging up grass will be near impossible for me to do.

OP posts:
Original poster
Justcheckingthis · 26/05/2023 22:07

He knows I struggle financially, I have a disability, and one of my dc has a severe disability and is homeschooled, I have a small business that I do at nighttime as my dc sleeps that makes me a little money, I'm doing a degree just now so I'm in a position to get a good wfh job, but right now things are so tight, he's seen me choose between new shoes for myself because mine had a hole in them and electricity over the winter months.

He really doesn't have the same financial burdens I do (stays with family and pays digs, works full time on a good wage).

I would absolutely never expect, nor allow him to pay for anything usually, but I do really feel like this isn't a usual circumstance.

OP posts:
Ragwort · 26/05/2023 22:11

What does he add to your life? You sound so busy I don't know how you make time for a boyfriend ... if he sees you struggling to pay for new shoes or fuel and doesn't offer to contribute he doesn't sound very kind at all. Bin him off ... your life will be much calmer without him.

Thesunwillcomeoutverysoon · 26/05/2023 22:17

Please dump him op. He has no respect for you has he? Is this the example your dc need to see of a healthy relationship?