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Original poster

He broke something of mine while doing me a favour - who pays?

46 replies

Justcheckingthis · 26/05/2023 21:33

My boyfriend came round earlier, I had just finished mowing one garden but had hurt myself, he insisted on doing the other one.

I said there was a bunch of shit in the garden, he said he would tidy it all away. I told him I would do it tomorrow, but then I had an online appointment and he started anyway.

My mower is now broken as he hit a massive stone.

He never apologised, and he has given me advice on where to buy a new one.

I feel a bit weird about it though, if I were him I would have offered to buy a new one.

I can't decide if I'm weird, or if he should be offering to pay for one.

OP posts:

3AndStopping · 26/05/2023 22:18

Do you have contents insurance you could claim on op? It’s such a tricky one, if you had asked him to mow the lawn I’d say it’s on you but the fact he was insistent (someone in my life does this to me.) I would be pretty peeved especially as he didn’t apologise or even offer to help.

Thatladdo · 26/05/2023 22:18

What brand/make is the mower?
You can replace the blade and order a new grass box, its far from ruined.
Im Impressed tbh, ive often hit bricks / cobbles ive even had the mower leave the ground after its hit a hidden cobble and it didnt break.
I appreciate its annoying to bend something new, ive just driven a new one over a large fist sized granite cobble, but no damage. luck of the draw i guess

Original poster

Justcheckingthis · 26/05/2023 22:19

Ragwort · 26/05/2023 22:11

What does he add to your life? You sound so busy I don't know how you make time for a boyfriend ... if he sees you struggling to pay for new shoes or fuel and doesn't offer to contribute he doesn't sound very kind at all. Bin him off ... your life will be much calmer without him.

I wouldn't have taken money from him anyway.

As for what he adds to my life, I wish I could answer that, we have been together for years, has watched me go from healthy and working full time to disabled and also dds disability and what that has meant for my life and my world becoming so much smaller, I guess he's just a habit and it's good to see an adult every now and then. Friends have all drifted away in the last few tears and he has stuck around. He's not a bad guy at all, he's well meaning I suppose.

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Thesunwillcomeoutverysoon · 26/05/2023 22:20

Ignoring you isn't doing a nice thing. He is overriding you op. He thinks his way is better than yours...
He has no regard for your possessions either..

k1233 · 26/05/2023 22:25

You can replace blades on a mower, so that may be fixable. With the catcher can you work out what is broken? It might be cheaper to take it to a mower shop to see if they can fix that bit. Most things are fixable.

Original poster

Justcheckingthis · 26/05/2023 22:25

Ah I do have insurance, I'll check the documents out, I can't remember what the excess is on it, so it may not be worth it, but I'll check that out, I didn't think.

It's a flymo, i know its not top of the range but it was expensive by my standards. I don't fully know what happened to it as I wasn't there. I am pretty handy so I'll have a proper look at the blade bit tomorrow, the grass collector is totally fucked, the bit it fixes onto is totally snapped so that can't be saved at all.

OP posts:

Original poster

Justcheckingthis · 26/05/2023 22:29

I live in a really tiny town, there is nowhere within probably 40 miles I can take it for repair, and I can no longer drive unfortunately.

The blade is bent, and I think the bit the blade attaches to is cracked, but I can't be sure, I was too sore to have a proper look at it today, I'll have a good look tomorrow and see what I can do with it. If its salvageable, even for this summer, then I'll be delighted.

OP posts:

Hardbackwriter · 26/05/2023 22:35

Justcheckingthis · 26/05/2023 22:29

I live in a really tiny town, there is nowhere within probably 40 miles I can take it for repair, and I can no longer drive unfortunately.

Does he drive? If he's so eager to help you out, can he take it for repair?

I think this particular incident is a bit of grey area - he may have been concerned that you would injure yourself further by trying to do it and it wasn't completely unreasonable that he thought the 'shit' was the bikes and other stuff that he did move, so he thought he'd solved the problem you'd pointed out. All that said, it's clearly part of a bigger pattern and as you clearly know that overall pattern isn't great.

caringcarer · 26/05/2023 22:36

If the bit that snapped is plastic you can stick it back together with gerilla glue.

HadEnough2023 · 26/05/2023 22:37

Tell him he broke it, he pays for a new one. Simple.

If he doesn't dump him.

Original poster

Justcheckingthis · 26/05/2023 23:03

Yes he drives, I'll have to have a look and see if there is somewhere in the next big city that could repair it if I can't.

I'm just sort of going by what I would do and I would have definitely offered to fix/pay for repairs/buy a new one. He was trying to help out, it's just irritating that he didn't listen to me, and rather than being grateful he wanted to help im annoyed he took over when i was doing ok, just maybe not to his timescale.

Things aren't great in general so maybe that what is colouring my view a bit too, we have been drifting along for the last couple of years rather than being a couple as such.

He's not a bad guy, and my kids adore him, he's been around their whole lives in one way or another, and he is constant for them, I'm also pretty unwell and there's a lot of complicating factors around all that and his involvement with me/my dc which means it's not really easy as just chucking him at the moment.

OP posts:

Floralys2 · 26/05/2023 23:06

If an animal has done a shit in the garden it should be moved before mowing the grass

tara66 · 26/05/2023 23:07

If it is from a larger manufacturer you may be able to have it repaired. Ask him to look into it and arrange it.

You told him not to mow the grass but he did.
He should have been more careful. I have done a lot of mowing in my time and one can certainly see stone as big as the one that caused all your damage.
He really has no right to touch and use property not belonging to him anyway.

Namechange828492 · 26/05/2023 23:12

Flymo blades are easy to replace/you need new ones after a while anyway. You should be able to get a grass collector replacement too

AliceOlive · 26/05/2023 23:20

He should definitely have offered to get it fixed or replaced. The fact that he didn’t even consider trying to fix it just adds to the whole picture. I couldn’t deal with a man who ignores my wishes, breaks my things then abdicates responsibility.

Any chance he’s caused your other friends to drift?

MuggleMe · 26/05/2023 23:32

If you can find somewhere that could fix it, I do think you should politely say you had asked him not to, he broke it and you're on a limited budget and to please fix or replace here's somewhere he can get it done. Really, I'd be politely explaining how you can't just replace it on your budget. He's living at home, it's no skin off his nose and it wouldn't be broken if he didn't go against your request.

SD1978 · 26/05/2023 23:37

It sounds like you wouldn't have seen the stone either- did he move the other stuff? You said yourself you don't know where it came from. Has he offered money towards a new mower?

Samedaysameshit · 26/05/2023 23:49

My son had an assignment to hand in at Uni.
the bus never turned up
he asked a girl in their house to drive him to uni so he didn’t miss the deadline
she went in a bus lane and got a fine
He paid 50:50
Does this help?

Meggymoo777 · 27/05/2023 00:08

This guy sounds like a dick OP... you specifically told him to leave it, you were doing fine but Mr Big Bollocks had to come in and 'save you'... then broke the fucking lawnmower. And then didn't have the decency to help fix it, offer to even go halves on a new one, bring it somewhere for repair? Particularly knowing your circumstances and the budget you're on.

And don't even get me started in the fact that he watched you have to choose between new shoes and bills over fucking winter without offering to help you out, even with a pair of shoes. A guy that's been in your life for years was happy to sit back, in his parents house, paying fucking digs and couldn't offer to help you out to keep your feet dry and your house warm when you also are not well and have a child with a disability? Total fucking dickhead... I'm actually fuming for you, you deserve better

Batalax · 27/05/2023 08:21

Samedaysameshit · 26/05/2023 23:49

I’d still be a bit pissed if I I were her. I know she chose the bus lane but if she hadn’t been doing him a favour, she would have to pay anything.

Original poster

Justcheckingthis · 27/05/2023 10:52

It definitely would have broken if I did it, that bit was wild so I would have raked it first, then used the strimmer, then mowed it.

He didn't cause my friends to drift, me, then dd becoming disabled has left us pretty isolated, I can't go out anymore at all as dd can't be left, and I get really tired etc so friends have just fallen away.

I've had a look this morning and the casing is cracked on it, I'm going to have a go and glue it back and order a new blade for now, the grass needs cut every week at the moment so I can't do without one. The grass bit definitely can't be sorted due to the way its snapped.

He is a bit of a dick sometimes, he means well I suppose, but he just doesn't have the responsibilities I do. He is great with the kids and helping out with appointments and stuff so definitely not all bad. He has been wanting to move in the last 2 years but it's stuff like this that puts me off totally. In some ways it would be like looking after another kid.

I'm going to talk to him today, I'm absolutely loathe to ask him for anything though, I just hope he realises I can't afford a new mower and does the right thing.

OP posts:

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