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Original poster

Grandparent won’t come and visit my daughter

28 replies

Cheryl22x · 25/05/2023 20:50

Hi, my ex partners mother and father my daughters so called grand parents refuse to come and visit my daughter. I am currently living at my Parents house they have a car and live 10 minutes away. His mother said in a text message to her son ‘ I’m not coming to her mam and dads so you either bring her to see me or I guess I won’t be seeing her’ them were her exact words.
It’s really upsetting that she won’t come and see my daughter here not only that she makes no effort at all to see her anywhere. No texts, phone calls nothing. I know this is up to my ex partner to deal with but she is playing the blame game to people she knows by saying that I don’t let her see my daughter. When she clearly won’t come and visit or pick up the phone to arrange anything.
I have a lot of guilt and I don’t know why she has made me feel like this.

is anyone on here going through the same thing or has any advice?

OP posts:
Starlitestarbright · 25/05/2023 20:53

Why can't your ex bring his dd to see her? Or meet in a neutral place? I imagine they don't feel comfortable going to your parents.

Original poster
Cheryl22x · 25/05/2023 20:58

my ex has alcohol issues so I facilitate his contact with my daughter. I’ve always said to his mother that I will bring her to see her anytime just ask as I’m comfortable doing this but she never has. When she buys a gift for my daughter on birthday/Christmas she even refuses to drop it off at my house. So I don’t think that’s the case. She just doesn’t like us. So why would I send my daughter alone to her when she can’t be civil with me or my family. That’s unhealthy for my daughter.

OP posts:
Anoana · 25/05/2023 21:22

She can fuck off then can't she! You shouldn't feel guilty at all.

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Families
InceyWinceySpidy · 25/05/2023 21:31

Does she not want to see your daughter. Or do they feel far too uncomfortable to request visits at your parents house.

Why can't the father take his child to his mum's house? She doesn't have to like you, or your parents. I imagine yours don't like him/his parents much either. You can't use that as an excuse justify why DD can't spend time at her other grandparents. If you don't want to let her have an afternoon there, that's your call. But I'm sure she would look after DD perfectly well, and both would likely enjoy the time. You're not letting her go because of your personal feelings of MIL and then projecting that on to DD.

SeasonFinale · 25/05/2023 21:33

You just continue to say that she is welcome to come to yours otherwise she has to wait until her son has cleaned himself up enough to have contacted alone and he can facilitate visits.

Original poster
Cheryl22x · 25/05/2023 21:45

i Haven’t got a problem with her she has made it clear that she does not like us she doesn’t want to see my daughter she’s made no effort to try and ask to see her or even ask how she is. So that speaks for itself. She does not have to come here I have welcomed her to pop in now and again. And like I stated I said I would bring my daughter to see her anytime but she’s never got intouch.

she has shown toxic behaviours, I could go on. I don’t think it’s right sending your child to someone who hates you alone.

OP posts:
Purplecatshopaholic · 25/05/2023 21:49

On the basis of what you have said, I have no idea why you would want to facilitate a relationship with them and your daughter. If your ex wants to do so that’s fine, but you don’t need to do anything or even speak to her.

FedUpWithTheNHS · 25/05/2023 21:57

she has shown toxic behaviours, I could go on. I don’t think it’s right sending your child to someone who hates you alone.

In that case, count your lucky stars that she doesn’t want to be involved.
Leave her be and tell her she needs to have a word with her own ds about it.

Step back and ignore what she might be saying to others. If someone mentions it, you can explain/tell them you are happy fir her FATHER to organise the meet up with HIS family.

Dont be guilty. It’s probably coming from some if her comments, made to make you feel crap, guilty and more importantly responsible of tte situation.
Youve bent backwards to facilitate. She didn’t go for it. Her loss.

PurpleParrots · 25/05/2023 22:16

You’ve said your DD’s grandmother doesn’t like you and makes no effort to visit or speak to you/your dd on the phone.
You said she’s toxic.

Why are you stressing about your DD having contact with someone who doesn’t deserve stressing about? I don’t get it 🤔

FiveShelties · 25/05/2023 22:20

Why do you want your daughter in contact with her?

Original poster
Cheryl22x · 25/05/2023 22:27

Because she is still sending gifts and money on Xmas birthdays so this really confuses me Don’t hear from her all year round. My daughter is going to be confused by this she makes no effort to call or text or to arrange to see her but will send money on occasions. Baffles me. A few people have said she is playing the victim card

OP posts:
Weallgottachangesometime · 25/05/2023 22:36

I’m confused. You think she’s toxic but you’re also annoyed she doesn’t want to spend time with you child?

I’d just stop bothering. When she messages asking you to pick up your daughters presents just say no.

I wouldn’t worry about what she is telling anyone else. Anyone close to you will
know the truth and who cares what anyone else thinks.

what exactly are you feeling guilty about?

Original poster
Cheryl22x · 25/05/2023 22:40

Weallgottachangesometime · 25/05/2023 22:36

I’m confused. You think she’s toxic but you’re also annoyed she doesn’t want to spend time with you child?

I’d just stop bothering. When she messages asking you to pick up your daughters presents just say no.

I wouldn’t worry about what she is telling anyone else. Anyone close to you will
know the truth and who cares what anyone else thinks.

what exactly are you feeling guilty about?

Because she has gaslighted me to think that it’s me stopping her from seeing her when my ex has contacted his mother bringing up that she doesn’t bother with our daughter she blames it on me. She is playing the silent treatment

OP posts:
PurpleParrots · 25/05/2023 22:45

Have you contacted her to say you will be taking dd to the park tomorrow/weekend/next week and invite her along? Or do you call to visit her with your dd?

I understand she doesn’t want to spend time in your parents house. I wouldn’t either tbh

Weallgottachangesometime · 25/05/2023 22:47

Cheryl22x · 25/05/2023 22:40

Because she has gaslighted me to think that it’s me stopping her from seeing her when my ex has contacted his mother bringing up that she doesn’t bother with our daughter she blames it on me. She is playing the silent treatment

Show quote history

I see. So you need to stop communicating about it then. Your ex doesn’t need to be telling you what his mum says. If he tries tel him you don’t want to hear it. Don’t respond to any message from her that are blaming or rude. Just blank them. If she continues then block her number. Doesn’t sound like she a good grandparent anyway.

Original poster
Cheryl22x · 25/05/2023 22:48

PurpleParrots · 25/05/2023 22:45

Have you contacted her to say you will be taking dd to the park tomorrow/weekend/next week and invite her along? Or do you call to visit her with your dd?

I understand she doesn’t want to spend time in your parents house. I wouldn’t either tbh

No I don’t I’m a single parent I’ve got enough to do it’s her first grand child it’s up to her to make the effort to ask and I will facilate. I can’t ask her because she has blocked me on 4 different phones.

OP posts:
Weallgottachangesometime · 25/05/2023 22:48

If I were you I’d leave managing the contact between your child and grandmother to your ex. Presumably she could come along on the contact with her son if they arranged it?

PurpleParrots · 25/05/2023 22:50

Cheryl22x · 25/05/2023 22:48

No I don’t I’m a single parent I’ve got enough to do it’s her first grand child it’s up to her to make the effort to ask and I will facilate. I can’t ask her because she has blocked me on 4 different phones.

Show quote history

She’s obviously not interested in your dd. Stressing about her not wanting contact will make no difference. Forget her and move on. Your dd won’t miss something she’s never had

Original poster
Cheryl22x · 25/05/2023 22:51

Weallgottachangesometime · 25/05/2023 22:47

I see. So you need to stop communicating about it then. Your ex doesn’t need to be telling you what his mum says. If he tries tel him you don’t want to hear it. Don’t respond to any message from her that are blaming or rude. Just blank them. If she continues then block her number. Doesn’t sound like she a good grandparent anyway.

Show quote history

She has me blocked already. She does not want a relationship with me. I think she wants to go through her son. I think this is what I’ve been trying so hard with. I just think it’s unhealthy that my daughter sees her alone when she dislikes me.

OP posts:
ShandaLear · 25/05/2023 22:53

She has blocked you on 4 different phones. She doesn’t want to be in contact with you. Stop engaging with her and let it all go through your ex. If it happens it happens, if it doesn’t it doesn’t.

Tiddlypomtiddlypom · 26/05/2023 06:31

Stop bothering. Seriously. How’s n earth would your daughter benefit from having these people in her life?

Weallgottachangesometime · 26/05/2023 06:54

I just think it’s unhealthy that my daughter sees her alone when she dislikes me.

^I thought the problem was she didn’t see your daughter? or is the problem she won’t see you daughter with you around?

If you think she is harmful to your child then stop your child having contact. That should be easy given the situation.

if you just don’t like her, she doesn’t like you, but you don’t think she’s harmful then let dad manage contact and stay out of it. Forget that she doesn’t like you. It doesn’t matter if you don’t see her.

Original poster
Cheryl22x · 26/05/2023 07:23

Weallgottachangesometime · 26/05/2023 06:54

I just think it’s unhealthy that my daughter sees her alone when she dislikes me.

^I thought the problem was she didn’t see your daughter? or is the problem she won’t see you daughter with you around?

If you think she is harmful to your child then stop your child having contact. That should be easy given the situation.

if you just don’t like her, she doesn’t like you, but you don’t think she’s harmful then let dad manage contact and stay out of it. Forget that she doesn’t like you. It doesn’t matter if you don’t see her.

She doesn’t see my daughter but this is the reason I think is behind it because she doesn’t want me around. My ex was taking her over by his self when my daughter was born to meet his family then that was it she’s never asked again so to be fair she’s not even bothered! It’s very confusing because she doesn’t communicate with you she just gives you the silent treatment when you ask her something even to her son.

OP posts:
NosieRosie · 26/05/2023 09:19

Why are you so intent on creating contact for your daughter with a woman who
a. Doesn’t like you
b. You don’t like because she’s “toxic”
c. She has no interest in having contact with your dc.

Your daughters father should be sorting contact between his child and his family. It’s nothing to do with you. Move on

Middleagedmeangirls · 31/08/2023 10:36

She is not your current MIL. She is an Ex. You don't have to please her or keep her happy. If she wants a relationship with her grandchild she will have to put the effort in. It's not your problem.